Isn't it funny how when you look back at something you've written long ago, you find that the meaning has changed entirely?

Or maybe that's just me.


When I was twelve or thirteen, I couldn't stand the arrogance of keeping a journal. I couldn't imagine how my life could be interesting or worthwhile enough for anyone else — or even myself — to want to read it. So I trained myself to write poems, to think on paper, shaping the words in such a way that I would want to read them again, so I'd be able to relive the thoughts and emotions I was feeling then. It worked, perhaps too well. I've got pages and pages of carefully chosen words describing how horrible it was to be fourteen, in case I might ever forget.

Hopefully, I'm a little better now. Though there's a lot of unsorted dreck floating the internet, if you can find it.

Before (pre-college)

sleeping beauty (11/98)
forgotten lullaby (1/99)
myth (1/99)
elemental fire (1/00)
wounded siren (5/00)
silence (5/00)
black tears (3/01)
anthem for lost souls (5/01)
crystal pyramid (5/01)
cactus fairy (5/01)
hollowdancing I (10/01)
questions (1/02)
frozen moment (3/02)
hollowdancing II (4/02)
struck by moonlight (4/02)
still, she was writing (4/02)
greeting (5/02)
metallic dreams (6/02)

Then (college)

paper bird (9/02)
glass (1/03)
selfsong (2/03)
remnant (4/03)
dreams and ashes (7/03)
searching for a name (7/03)
invocation (7/03)
aletha's tale (12/03)
ray of doubt (3/04)
kissing the mirror (3/04)
spin: i want to hide (4/04)
a fragile machine (4/04)
two dancers (4/04)
bloodlust (4/04)
nameless (5/04)
clay (5/04)
andromeda (5/04)
so this is the edge (9/04)
observe (9/04)
life (in fragments) (10/04)
bridges (10/04)
soap film (11/04)
milkshake (11/04)
hymns (2/05)
snakelings (8/05)
tallow (12/05)
quiet (3/06)

Now (post-college)

rain (10/06)
wildflowers (12/06)
coins (12/06)
ground (2/07)
burst (3/07)
august (8/07)
wetland (8/07)
plasma (9/07)
worn (2/08)
restless (7/08)
desert (11/08)
to those who will inherit the earth (2/09)
veins (4/09)