dreams: December 4, 1999

I temporarily kill Mom

I'm downstairs in my old bedroom at 808 Beach Street. Mom is here, and she's acting kind of strange. I ask her what's going on. She avoids the question, and I realize she's been drinking. She admits she's having a relapse. I'm looking at a small bedside table that has some things sitting on a blue cloth, illuminated by a small bright light. There is a smooth, round, glass object that I squeeze with my hands when Mom tells me she has been drinking; it's abstractly the shape of an hourglass -- two oblong spheres connected by a thinner section of the same material. I'm very angry. I protest, asking her in rage how she can do something like this when she know how much it damages me and Phoebe.

I'm so furious at Mom that I attack her, strangling her with my hands. My anger feels caught inside me, like I don't know how to get it out. It's all coming through my hands. I'm squeezing, stretching, tearing, ripping and suffocating Mom's face, head and throat.

I then realize that I have killed her. She barely has anything left of her body above the shoulders -- only fragments. I'm in shock. I didn't mean to take it this far. Noli and Phoebe are here with me. I'm in denial that Mom really died. I tell them that we have to call 911. I grab a phone book and look for the phone number of Ashland's hospital. Mom is now lying as a corpse on the floor of my bedroom with a blanket covering her whole body. I want to do Reiki on her to try to get some life force back into her; I imagine putting my hands on her head for the healing.

Suddenly she's alive again. She never really died. I leave through the door of my room to go outside. I run into two Ashland women whom I know from when I was a little girl, when they were friends with Mom (Sylvia and Laurel?). I tell them something about Mom (that she needs medical help or something), but as soon as I mention her, they tell me they don't want to get involved, turning around to walk the other way. I see an ambulance approaching. Noli and Phoebe are here. We don't need the emergency medical team anymore.

Now I'm in another place. It seems like a restaurant. I'm back in time, in my childhood (though I am still in my current body and mind). Mom and Steve are together again. Steve is here. He sticks a long, skinny, sharp, light-colored wood stick into my head, jabbing it all the way through until it pokes out the other side. He stabs several more into me (into my third eye, my temples, etc.), so I have stick ends poking out of my head in all directions. I see Troy Henri sitting at one of the nearby tables. He's very blonde and light, with a large presence.

- FIN -

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