Ramble 15: Saturday, September 13, 1999

my brain clicks when i walk around campus. like a little bubblejiggle on the right side, in back. and sometimes i feel energy movement where i had the surgery (and in another part that is symmetrically in the same place but on the right side). i like the feeling. it is a healing.

my vision seems to be crumbling. or at least changing. the dark dot dances across my field of vision, as well as spirals of disruption, only occasionally. do i need glasses? what am i really seeing when "auras" of light shine around peoples' heads?

lately i've been tired early at night, needing sleep when the night is still fresh. my dreams have been fragmented and foggy.

today after portuguese class i was very happy to be me. philly sounded urban and smelled wet, warm and safe. my protective father spirit was right with me, sealing me in my bubble of white light.

there's my brain twitch again. like a muscle spasm, directly in the place where the skull got sawed open. feels good but weird.

lacking clarity. is azucar the problem? my face broke out, the skin perturbed. my reality is relaxed. muffled. content. i'm in love with life. but missing something. crave boys. male touch, like always. want laughter, deep and full. i had a number of deja vus today.

[free-write from an AMORPPH meeting]

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