dreams: October 27, 1998

[The night felt totally theraputic, like spirits had come down to help me through issues that needed to be worked out while my brain was asleep. The dreams that I can't remember seemed like an intense healing session. At one point I woke myself up by talking out loud. My hands moved to my stomach, and my lips said "flora."]

sharing the hymns

I'm with the Ashland D. group. We're all traveling far away together to do a work (Brazil?). Everyone's wearing a deep-red color. I have my Star; I'm part of the group. The newcomers are wearing white. We are in a line, in order, walking out of a building. Then we're in a new place, inside a big room. There are tons of other people. I get picked out of our group to go get something for everyone; I get led to the main guru guy. He's a tiny old man sitting in his robes at a special altar place (he reminds me of a Buddhist). He hands me something to share with my group.
Then I'm back with the crowd. We're sitting in chairs. The first hymn starts. The people around me look confused as they look through their books and papers to find the right hymn. I realize that it's in a big, padded, closed basket in front of me. The basket is what the guru gave me. I open it and find the hymn books we need.
Then I'm with a couple D. friends. We're in a special tent in the alley between 3rd and 2nd street. They're passing around a big, thick pipe, taking hits.

Mom is my baby

NEXT, I'm with Mom. We're finally talking to each other again. We're walking along on a street. I ask her if she still smokes. She doesn't give me a definitive answer (saying "Well, kind of..."). "It's either yes or no," I say, pushing her head down with my hand, gently bending her neck down forward. Then we're suddenly back at her house. I walk in and catch her smoking.
We start talking about old stuff from the past. We're sitting near a window. I'm holding her body in my arms like a big floppy baby in my lap. We are talking about her years of alcoholic drinking. I start a story, and then she continues it from her perspective. She says she came home drunk and got in bed naked. Phoebe was a young toddler. "Go to bed, you bastards," she told us.
When Mom tells that part of the story, I start sobbing. All my forgotten pain is coming up. We're now both crying. It's painful but healing.
Then, later, Phoebe and Mom and I are walking down a hall together. Everything's back to "normal." I'm walking behind both of them. I want to make nachos. I'm going to tell Mom that I still don't want to live with her; I want to move back down to John's house.

back in the hospital

NEXT, I'm in a hospital. KSYS (the public TV station) is doing their on-air auction fundraiser here. I'm in the same room, watching. Bosco is the announcer, standing in the middle of the room holding a microphone. Lots of phone operators are taking calls that are supposed to last only a minute and a half (exactly). There is a corner with sand, like a fake beach. I call Mimi, asking if she can come pick me up. She tells me she's on her way to a cooking class. I tell her no problem, explaining that she can come get me later in the afternoon.
Then I'm sitting with Mom and John. As soon as I open my mouth to say something, Mom says she thought she saw a brown spot on the inside of my lower front teeth. She tells me it's probably a cavity, and that I should see a dentist. I say it's not doubtful, since I haven't brushed my teeth in days, staying here in the hospital. I ask John about an "alternative" dentist. Mom says no. I ask him again. I'm staring at a nearby window that is filled with sparkling amber-like honey. John says he doesn't understand my question.

- FIN -

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