dreams: December 11, 1998

body concavities

I'm in a living room, hanging out with a female friend. She is from India, with long dark curly hair, dark skin, and a petite body. She's reading from a book -- perhaps that she wrote. It's erotica or sexual essays or something similar. We are on the floor (it looks like the downstairs bedroom at Mom's house). I see a mauve strip of paper that has an excerpt of the book; it is a to-do suggestion addressed to females. It says to get together with a female friend and exchange massages, then make love to each other.

My friend and I are stretched out on a mattress on the floor, with lots of blankets and pillows around us. As she reads her book, it occurs to me that I wouldn't mind doing these suggested activities with her. I'm totally naked, I realize. She offers to give me a massage (yet we don't verbally acknowledge that it will necessarily be sexual). She seems to be guiding me through the techniques of how to do the massage as she touches me. She massages my back, legs, neck, etc. It feels good. Now she is Dylan.

She stops, but I'm so relaxed that I don't even notice she's not touching me anymore. "Do you wanna do me now?" she asks. "Oh, yeah," I say, seeing that she was waiting for me to reciprocate. The next step of our exchange, according to the book, would be sexual, I think. It must be balanced between us though, so I want to be sure to give her a massage too.

Dylan lies down on her back on the couch next to the window (now it looks like we're in Vivi's living room, or John's old one). I'm taking off my watch, getting prepared. I look up, out the window, and see Geoff passing in front of the house, walking along the sidewalk towards our porch. I immediately run and jump onto Dylan (who is also partly Abby Salerno now), stretching myself over her body, laughing and hugging her. Metal hangers and other sharp objects are stuck in the cushions of the couch, poking our legs and feet. I make some comment about them being pointy and painful under our bodies. I jumped onto her so that Geoff would see us together and be aware of our sexual energy when he walks in. Sure enough, when he enters I can tell by the look on his face that he knows what we're doing.

Then the three of us are sitting on the floor, and we're openly talking about the exchange that is going on between us. Geoff is now totally naked, sitting on his feet with his knees bent, facing me. I can't see his face -- only his body. His chest is at my eye level. He has a big, meaty, strong body. The left side of his torso (on my right) concaves deeply inwards, whereas the the right side is the opposite, curving outwards; it looks like his ribs are naturally formed this way. I am touching the curves with my hands, feeling his body. I love touching him. I look at his right side and see a pulse flowing right under his skin. It's going straight to his heart. It looks like a little river of energy parts that rush quickly to and from his heart with every beat. I can see lots of individual particles, all tiny dots. His skin is golden, and the stream is a flushed rosy color, with each energy particle showing up slightly yellow. I'm fascinated, pointing it out to Dylan. We watch the pulse. Something in the inner curve of his chest seems to be aggressively pushing the pulse against his skin, allowing us to see it in clear contrast.

I realize that because Geoff is naked, his penis is right in front of me. I don't look. I keep touching him, unable to break the connection. After we talk about what Dylan and I were doing, I ask Geoff, "Do you want to stay here tonight so that you can stay in town and don't have to drive all the way back home?" He reclines onto his back, propped up by his elbows. No, he says he can't stay because Rafael (and a few other names) would be mad. They're the people he lives with outside of town. I'm now massaging his legs; his calves seem very skinny and small, like a child. I lift his foot up to my eye level. He has big toes. They have peeling skin. "Grande," I say with a Portugese accent, in reference to something else we're talking about. "Grande amor!" I say. Geoff is now wearing dark-blue leather socks that are ankle-high and zip up the back. Just like his other socks, I think to myself.

Other people are now in the room. I look over and see a couple of young kids, about toddler age (who remind me of Malcolm and Melody). A very young girl is putting her shoes on, getting ready to go. She has dark hair. She's being very quiet. Something seems weird to me. I look over at Dylan; we make eye contact with each other and then both look at the girl, silently acknowledging that something is not quite right. Someone in the room asks where the young girl is going. She's leaving the house by herself. First she approaches my side of the room. Her mother is sitting on the couch. The girl's left side is facing me. Her left jaw seems almost formless, as if it has no bone, crumbling in on itself. She turns her head, and I see that her right cheek/jaw is poofing out, very swollen. Suddenly I remember that she had a dental infection (from earlier in the dream? -- it seems familiar, as if the condition has gotten a lot worse since a previous time when I was around). Her mom has apparently refused to deal with it medically, saying that it should heal itself. The girl looks very sad and weak; she's leaving the house because she's desperate. She needs to go out and try to find help. As she turns her head more, I see that her cheek is absolutely huge, bubbling out in layers of swollen skin. Suddenly chaos breaks out in the room as everyone realizes the severity of the situation. Other people are now sitting on the couch. The girl is floating above us (or really tall?), and I'm seeing her face from below. She has double/triple chins from the infection. I'm shocked and scared. I'm outraged that it could have gotten this bad with nobody bothering to do anything until now. I'm disgusted because her face is so deformed. "This is wrong!" I scream, pointing up at the girl. "She MUST see a doctor!"

Now everyone in the room is yelling and screaming. The girl's mother is a scared woman who is now also flipping out at the reaction, saying defensively that we can't call her a bad mom. The girl leaves, going out the front door. The mom follows. They're screaming at each other on the porch ("You can't call me bad!" says the mother). The scene is intense and scary. [I wake up freaked out, like it was a nightmare.]

daddy Tai

NEXT, I'm outside in a yard. Others are here. I look up and see Tai Devore. We look at each other in excitement. It has been so long since we've seen each other. We hug and then do the small-talk-catch-up routine. I want to ask him about being a daddy, but other people are here, and it doesn't feel appropriate. A girl who looks a lot like him is also here.

stealing the paper

NEXT, I'm in Ashland's downtown plaza. I'm in the truck with friends. It's early morning. A boy runs by us carrying an armful of the latest New Yorker, like he's the paperboy or something. I somehow grab one and toss it over to Geoff, who is standing across the street. The boy is frustrated by me. We're playing keep-away. Geoff tosses it back to me, way up in the air. I catch it and then throw it straight up. I can see it way way up in the sky.

pray to the mountain

NEXT, I'm in someone else's house at a social gathering. I walk into a little backroom because Geoff says I have to try something. The room is filled with hazy smoke and light. He says to "pray to the mountain," gesturing to the far wall of the room as he hands me two long glass candles. He has a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. I take the candles -- one in each hand -- and take a few deep breaths, praying to God as I do so. I then blow smoke over the top of one of the candles, using the flame of the other one. A small puff of smoke expands in the air towards me. It's surrounded by light. It is blooming like a mushroom or a nuclear explosion. Suddenly it looks like a cloud in the sky, morphing into a bigger version of itself. I'm mesmerized, understanding what Geoff was doing back here. I'm tripping out. Geoff is standing on the side of the room, but the only one who can actually see the stuff is the one who's doing the ritual (me now). I'm waving the candles around, swirling the smoke.

- FIN -

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