five tons of flax

Here are some stories that I like. Most of them are not originally mine.

Galesburg

The land's opening up like a blanket
And the dandelions spread themselves thickly out
Upon these fields, which are evidently
Endless

We are hotly in love with one another
We've got an unquenchable thirst in our throats
We are, for some reason, all the time bleeding
We are friendless

And we love these dogs, who roll on the lawns here in Galesburg
Because they seem to know something nobody else knows
It is written in the smiles on their faces, and it rings in their high young voices
We are burning up all of our choices
Up here where the tall grass grows
Up here in Galesburg

The sky's opening up like an old wound
And the rain on our bodies is warm tonight
And the ground underneath us shakes
In the cracking thunder

We can taste fresh blood in our mouths again
There is no chance of getting another
We tally up all our possessions:
We're going under

Yeah we love these dogs that loll in the rain here in Galesburg
As the new season rocks them in its terrible arms
Yeah they howl as if the world were ending, as we are watching the skies unwinding
And some of our promises were binding
Up here where our dreams take form
Up here in Galesburg

These are the lyrics to the song "Galesburg" by the Mountain Goats. I'm writing them here because the Internet didn't know what they were when I was curious. Credit: the Mountain Goats, Full Force Galesburg.

Emperor Norton

Ask anyone who the first president of the United States of America was, and they will tell you -- wrongly -- that it was George Washington. Ask anyone who the first emperor of the United States was, and you are likely to get a confused look, unless you happen to be in San Fransisco. But there was such a man, and his name was Emperor Norton I of the United States and Protector of Mexico.

In his pre-imperial life, Joshua A. Norton was a moderately successful businessman living in gold-rush era San Fransisco. An ill-timed attempt to corner the rice market left him penniless in 1858. Strong men in his position would have rolled up their sleeves and start anew; lesser men would have resorted to a life of crime or sponging off the relatives. Norton had a better plan. On September 17, 1859, he made the following declaration in letters to the editors of several local newspapers:

At the pre-emptory request of a large majority of the citizens of these United States, I Joshua Norton, formerly of Algoa Bay, Cape of Good Hope, and now for the last nine years and ten months past of San Francisco, California, declare and proclaim myself the Emperor of These United States.

And it worked. Somehow, miraculously, it worked.

Citizens of San Fransisco began referring to him as "Your Majesty", and if they mocked him they were kind enough to do it behind his back. The police force saluted when he passed, especially after an overzealous officer raised public outcry by trying to have him committed. Norton issued his own currency, which was accepted as legal tender by most merchants in the city. He proclaimed royal edicts, many of which were visionary, if not immediately acted upon. He directed, among other things, that Congress should be dissolved, as it served no purpose in his Empire; that, since Congress continued to meet, the army should remove them by force; that the use of the name "Frisco" be a High Misdemeanor carrying the fine of $25; that America take part in a League of Nations; and that a suspension bridge be built between San Fransisco and Oakland by way of Goat Island.

The local government gifted him with a military uniform suitable to his royal status. A crowd of anti-Chinese protestors, about to break into one of their frequent deadly riots, dispersed when when he barred their path, reciting the Lord's Prayer. The 1870 US census listed his occupation as "Emperor".

Finally, one gray January evening in 1880, Emperor Norton I collapsed in a gutter. A carriage was immediately summoned from a nearby hospital, but Norton perished before it arrived. His passing was mourned in the headlines of every newspaper, and tens of thousands of his subjects lined the street at his wake. On the day after his funeral, a total solar eclipse darkened the sky.

Credit: real life, Wikipedia.