My Journal
June 18, 1998

Multi-layers of thoughts are churning around in my head right now. Blurp blip. They are bumping over the walnut-sized mass that sits in my left temporal lobe.

I'm overwhelmed, numb, relieved, appreciative, sad, loved, supported, scared, accepting and confused. "Brain tumor." The term has such powerfully negative connotations. When we went into Dr. Maukonen's office yesterday morning, the last thing I expected him to tell me is that I have one in my brain.

"I have some very bad news to tell you," he said. My stomach lurched. He told my brain us the about the test results and then led Mom, John and I out to the hall to look at the MRI scans of my brain. In those X-rays I saw the tumor, a circular shape above my left ear; it contrasted sharply to my gray matter. We're doing lots of research to find the best neurosurgeon. Looks like it could be Portland.

The momentous web of support around me is so incredible. Mom, John and Phoebe are amazing in their ability to extend their true love and help me through this trauma. I am very grateful to be surrounded by such a loving friends and family. I can really feel the waves of prayer on a constant basis. Mom said that I can use this whole event as an opportunity to get in touch with my higher power. To find my spirituality and establish a real trust for the forces of the universe.

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