dreams: May 29, 1999

staking my seat

I'm at a D. work, and many, many people are here to participate. I need to claim my spot, but I also need to go get my stuff together for it. I'm stressed about getting the right position. It's happening in an amphitheater, with the back rows much higher than the center, which is down below. I grab a space two rows behind the center altar. I realize that I'm directly lined up with the Padrinho (Alfredo?), which makes me happy.

furious at Mom

I'm talking to Mom. Suddenly a lot of anger is coming up in me. She was talking about how great her parents were and how great a parent she is. I protest, telling her all the reasons why she was not a good mother. She's sitting down on a couch (in John's house, near the front door, her back to the front yard), and I'm leaning over her, standing up. As I shout all the reasons I'm angry, specks of spit are flying out of my mouth, landing on her. I'm furious. All she can do is listen. She isn't saying a word.

Then we're dealing with her eating habits. I realize she's anorexic. Now she's very small, like a doll. She has a shawl/blanket wrapped around her shoulders. I'm talking with some other people about how she doesn't eat anything. She is silent. She's tiny. She's standing in a sink. There is food in the sink as well (scraps left over from the last meal). All of a sudden Mom is not there anymore, and I realize that she went down the drain. I'm shocked to see that she went down the garbage disposal!

a secret relationship

I see D.R. in a supermarket. We hug. As we're embracing, he tells me that he knows that we turn on John. "Really?" I ask. He says he is sure because Nana (C.M.'s mom) was able to detect it, and she told him. We let go of our hug. We're standing in the middle of the supermarket, our bodies very close. I have one arm around him, stroking the back of his neck and head. I ask him if C.M. knows about us. He tells me no. I feel quite attracted to him. Suddenly a woman from the D. shows up: a short, bouncy, energetic woman with a pretty face and brown, curly hair. "Maya!" she shouts as if we know each other well. I don't really know her. I remember that her name is Tracy. She asks me if I'd like to go into Portland with her to eat dinner. I tell her I can't now. "How about after the next work?" she asks. I think about how I'll want to be with D.R., so I hesitate in my answer, telling her I don't really think so.

- FIN -

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