dreams: March 26, 1999

the eyes of three Buddhas watch me crave love

I'm at a party feeling unloved. I want to get out of here before I get hurt more. I'm being rude and bitchy to everyone else because I'm angry and bitter that they aren't giving me love. I want to feel nurtured but instead I act as though I want the opposite.

There are three important pieces of art here at the party. Each one is a portrait of the Buddha. They are all associated with Wade McCollum -- he made the pieces, owns them or is represented in them -- I can't really tell which is true. Suddenly everyone is upset because the three Buddhas are missing. It's a big deal that no one can find them.

I'm in a big dark parking lot near the party scene (it looks like the lot across the street from Ashland's pink church Cabaret Theater). I had stormed out after telling everyone that I was leaving, subconsciously hoping someone would stop me. Rebecca Weinberg is here. I'm bitter to be alone, yet I act like that's all I want. I ask her how she's getting home. She says a group of friends are picking her up. I tell her in a very sarcastic tone of voice to go have fun.

Standing here in the parking lot, all three of the Buddhas suddenly show up around me, yet they're still hidden. I look up (in the nearby bushes) and see a pair of eyes distinguish a figure that is camouflaged away; the eyes move, shifting to look over to the side. When I follow the direction of where its looking, I see another pair of eyes that shifts its gaze to another part of the parking lot, where I find the third pair of eyes. All eyes belong to the Buddhas. Two are twins, while the other one is the Buddha of "Gloom," sitting at an altar with a light-blue hooded cape over his head and back. There is a large prominent moon hanging in the sky above his head. (I seem to be looking at some picture of the figure.)

I'm now at a card table with Rebecca. We're comparing works of art. We're talking about that middle school feeling of being a social outcast -- when everyone would be looking at you, and then someone would tell you, bringing it to your attention where all the eyes are focused.

playing doctor

I'm in a movie with Victoria's Secret models. I'm a doctor. The mood is very sexual. We're in a little room with some weird device. I open a door into a small bathroom; it's flooding with water that is coming up from the floor. The linoleum is swelling upwards like a big pregnant belly.

- FIN -

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