dreams: September 09, 1998
leaving my stuff on the island
I'm on an island, getting ready to return back to the mainland.
As I gather up my belongings, I realize that I'm going to have
to leave everything behind. I am trying
to organize my things, wondering what will happen to them.
I'm want to let go and not worry about it. I'm digging through
my big drawer of stuff (from John's bathroom).
I think about how I'm going to be swimming through the
ocean to get back, so there's no way I could carry anything with me.
The stuff would get wet, plus I need both my arms and hands to be
able to keep afloat and swim the whole distance.
going back to middle school to see Tai
NEXT, I'm back in middle school after being away for a long time.
I'm standing at the top of the long hall, holding a big suitcase.
I wonder where my locker is and if I can remember the combination
(30-32-15?). I see Mary Bullock.
Then I'm in a room with lots of old
friends.
Django Andrews is there; we say hello. Then I see Tai DeVore, so I go over
to talk to him. I sit down in a seat next to him. He says hi.
Then he does a double-take and realizes who I am; we laugh and hug
(we haven't seen each other for a long time). I'm holding his hands.
"I heard," I say. He nods. "You're a papa," I say. He nods. Then
we hang out. He tells me some story about eating a hamburger before
an important event (meeting a woman in his life?), and another story
about eating a burrito.
my teddy bear is the ONE
NEXT, I'm sitting in a big auditorium -- lots of bleachers that are
outside (it's like the Oregon Shakespeare Festival's Elizabethan theater?).
My seat is on the far left side, near the front.
The place is filled with people. It is a spiritual/religious/belief
group gathering. Several leaders are standing in the front, addressing
everyone. They've handed out important documents (looking like
laminated menus) that are being passed around for us to read. It lists
all the monumental events that have happened throughout history and
that are going to happen in the future. I see that the dates go into
the 2000s. I find one listing for the year 1999 that says "the book"
(it'll be published?). Then a bunch of teddy bears are being
distributed, tossed randomly out into the audience. They are floppy,
heavy, and dark brown. It is important for everyone to get one, but
me and the people sitting around me (bottom left corner) haven't
caught any yet.
Then we are in a car. The group leader is driving. I'm
directly behind him, in the back seat. He explains that we will need
to find as many teddies as we possibly can (like an Easter egg hunt).
I ask him if I should start now, and he says yes, even though he's
still driving the car forward, not yet parked. I quickly open
the door and hop out, running down the paved street and looking at
the ground. I see a dark brown teddy bear on the grass next to the
curb; I pick it up. I end up finding many more, quickly picking them
up and carrying them in my arms. They are floppy, hidden in the grass
and on the street. Some are a lighter color. I'm delighted to get so
many. I count as I find them, getting up to nine by time the leader
yells for us to stop -- time has run out. I sit down in a
protective dip/hole
in the grass, holding my bears tightly to me. Other people also
have many bears, but no one has as many as I do. I girl sits down
next to me and tries to grab one of mine away from me (a pink one?).
"NO!" I say, not letting her take it. For a moment I question if
this whole event isn't a little too greedy and self-serving...?
Other young people have sat around me, surrounding me in a
circle (around the dip). Troy Henri is there.
I have a big question: "What really
IS a girlfriend (or boyfriend)?" I ask the whole
group. Someone starts to answer; yet she misinterpreted my question,
for she's explaining HOW you can find and get a girlfriend. I
interrupt her and say "No -- what IS a girlfriend,
not how do you get one?"
Then I'm alone in a bathroom, sifting through my nine teddy bears.
I'm sitting in an empty bathtub. Now I see why the man told us to
get as many as we could -- not all of them are real teddy bears.
Some of them just looked like bears in the beginning. Now I see
that they're actually spare white socks. I'm carefully looking through
my pile to find the real one. Floppy sock after sock. Aha! Finally
I find a dark brown teddy bear underneath all the fakes. I pick it up
in my arms. I can tell that it's special. I get out
of the bathtub and stand up next to the counter and mirror. I hold
the bear close to me, closely watching its face. I look into its
sparkling golden amber eyes. It suddenly comes alive, its facial
features moving subtly. It looks back into my eyes. We just stare
into each other.
I know it's the ONE.
- FIN -