dreams: September 09, 1998

leaving my stuff on the island

I'm on an island, getting ready to return back to the mainland. As I gather up my belongings, I realize that I'm going to have to leave everything behind. I am trying to organize my things, wondering what will happen to them. I'm want to let go and not worry about it. I'm digging through my big drawer of stuff (from John's bathroom). I think about how I'm going to be swimming through the ocean to get back, so there's no way I could carry anything with me. The stuff would get wet, plus I need both my arms and hands to be able to keep afloat and swim the whole distance.

going back to middle school to see Tai

NEXT, I'm back in middle school after being away for a long time. I'm standing at the top of the long hall, holding a big suitcase. I wonder where my locker is and if I can remember the combination (30-32-15?). I see Mary Bullock.

Then I'm in a room with lots of old friends. Django Andrews is there; we say hello. Then I see Tai DeVore, so I go over to talk to him. I sit down in a seat next to him. He says hi. Then he does a double-take and realizes who I am; we laugh and hug (we haven't seen each other for a long time). I'm holding his hands. "I heard," I say. He nods. "You're a papa," I say. He nods. Then we hang out. He tells me some story about eating a hamburger before an important event (meeting a woman in his life?), and another story about eating a burrito.

my teddy bear is the ONE

NEXT, I'm sitting in a big auditorium -- lots of bleachers that are outside (it's like the Oregon Shakespeare Festival's Elizabethan theater?). My seat is on the far left side, near the front. The place is filled with people. It is a spiritual/religious/belief group gathering. Several leaders are standing in the front, addressing everyone. They've handed out important documents (looking like laminated menus) that are being passed around for us to read. It lists all the monumental events that have happened throughout history and that are going to happen in the future. I see that the dates go into the 2000s. I find one listing for the year 1999 that says "the book" (it'll be published?). Then a bunch of teddy bears are being distributed, tossed randomly out into the audience. They are floppy, heavy, and dark brown. It is important for everyone to get one, but me and the people sitting around me (bottom left corner) haven't caught any yet.

Then we are in a car. The group leader is driving. I'm directly behind him, in the back seat. He explains that we will need to find as many teddies as we possibly can (like an Easter egg hunt). I ask him if I should start now, and he says yes, even though he's still driving the car forward, not yet parked. I quickly open the door and hop out, running down the paved street and looking at the ground. I see a dark brown teddy bear on the grass next to the curb; I pick it up. I end up finding many more, quickly picking them up and carrying them in my arms. They are floppy, hidden in the grass and on the street. Some are a lighter color. I'm delighted to get so many. I count as I find them, getting up to nine by time the leader yells for us to stop -- time has run out. I sit down in a protective dip/hole in the grass, holding my bears tightly to me. Other people also have many bears, but no one has as many as I do. I girl sits down next to me and tries to grab one of mine away from me (a pink one?). "NO!" I say, not letting her take it. For a moment I question if this whole event isn't a little too greedy and self-serving...?

Other young people have sat around me, surrounding me in a circle (around the dip). Troy Henri is there. I have a big question: "What really IS a girlfriend (or boyfriend)?" I ask the whole group. Someone starts to answer; yet she misinterpreted my question, for she's explaining HOW you can find and get a girlfriend. I interrupt her and say "No -- what IS a girlfriend, not how do you get one?"

Then I'm alone in a bathroom, sifting through my nine teddy bears. I'm sitting in an empty bathtub. Now I see why the man told us to get as many as we could -- not all of them are real teddy bears. Some of them just looked like bears in the beginning. Now I see that they're actually spare white socks. I'm carefully looking through my pile to find the real one. Floppy sock after sock. Aha! Finally I find a dark brown teddy bear underneath all the fakes. I pick it up in my arms. I can tell that it's special. I get out of the bathtub and stand up next to the counter and mirror. I hold the bear close to me, closely watching its face. I look into its sparkling golden amber eyes. It suddenly comes alive, its facial features moving subtly. It looks back into my eyes. We just stare into each other. I know it's the ONE.

- FIN -

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