dreams: December 18, 1998

my rage turns into smashed particles

It's Thanksgiving, and many people (friends and family) are gathered to spend the day together in the same house. Mom is here, and she's driving me nuts, pushing all my buttons. I'm really angry. I need a way to release my rage. I tell her. She hands me a small green-painted wooden chair, as if I'll go throw it down somewhere. Instead I grab a huge wine bottle and stomp out of the room. Outside, I smash the bottle against a tree. Bits of glass fly everywhere. A group of teenagers are out here, and they don't understand what I'm doing. I'm pissed off at all of them too. I tell them that they'd never understand.

I go back inside, going upstairs to a little room: my bedroom. It's a mess. I haven't been up here in a long time. Yellow flakes of brewer's yeast are spread all over part of a wall, reminding me of another time I got really angry. I see a plastic bag of brewer's yeast on the floor.

mirroring Mom in our anger

NEXT, Phoebe is back at home. We're in a bedroom, sorting through clothing and hangers. We are in a fight. I'm very frustrated and angry at her. At one point I yell, "You're being just like Mom to me!" She replies, "No, you are being just like Mom to me!"

"doo-doo dude"

NEXT, I'm in a big foreign city, walking around by myself. I walk through a lot full of young Asian boys and seafood vendors.

Then I'm inside with Alex Hanzlik. We're lying down, looking at each other. We're joking and laughing in a flirty superficial way. He says something about "doo-doo dude," and I laugh, mimicking him. (He is also part Geoff, and part Caleb Stokes.)

Miles' PEACE tattoo

NEXT, I'm on the phone with Nooshi. It seems like we've been talking forever. The phone connection is getting fuzzy, and I keep not being able to hear her. It's a little frustrating. I faintly hear her talking to a different friend on the line, as if she were in middle of a separate conversation.

I look over and see Miles sitting on a nearby couch. He's talking about how he tucks whatever records he wants to listen to into the back of his jeans before walking across campus. He pulls the waist back in demonstration. The room is not very bright, but he's sitting under an illuminating lamp. His back is to me. He's not wearing a shirt. I look down at his lower back and see the most gorgeous tattoo. It is many rich colors. There is an OM symbol in the middle (like Wade's), surrounded by a globe/Earth, with other colors, patterns and symbols around it. The word "PEACE" (or "LIFE"?) is arching over it.

I focus back to the phone conversation. I'm looking out through a big window in the room that looks out into a bustling urban downtown street scene. I'm in the Rogers' home, where Miles, Mimi and Scott live.

I just want to say goodbye to Nooshi to have closure on our conversation, but the connection keeps going out. Finally we say bye. I then get up and walk into the next room, which is a kitchen. At that moment, Eric Wallbank walks out of an adjacent bathroom, buck naked, with a bit of shaving cream on his chin. I walk into the middle of the kitchen, where Mimi, Toni Dileo and Miles are sitting around a round table. Mimi comments on how it was such a long telephone call. I say yeah, realizing it was on her line.

- FIN -

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