dreams: December 2, 1998

possessive urges

I'm lying on a bed/futon/couch with a male friend. It feels very comfortable and real with him. He's my age and has dark hair. We know each other well. As we lie together, we shift positions to join our bodies, snuggled up close. We're at the cusp of change, teetering on the bridge between "friendship" and "relationship" (sexual energy). I can see a window in the background, over his shoulder, on the far side of the room; it looks out at the mountains around Ashland, at Grizzly Peak. [It almost feels like we're in the studio apartment over John's woodshop.]
Suddenly there is acknowledgment that my guyfriend's girlfriend is in the apartment, in a different room, on a different bed. I think of her as the one who gets to have his body, whereas I get the rest of him. Right when I was about to get the full package, she snatches him away from me again. She's storming around the rooms. She's petite and skinny, with dark, short hair; she's wearing a dress. Then I (we?) am/are locking her out of the apartment. I'm trying to keep her out, but the door keeps swinging open. I put a bar across it, but it doesn't feel secured.
Then I'm out on the apartment's balcony. It's on an upper story, and my male friend is now standing on the ground below. He's standing on a rock, amongst many other rocks, almost like a Japanese garden. He crying out to his girlfriend who is in an apartment in a lower story of the building. I lean over and try to see where she is. I just see a dark window. "Stephanie!" he cries out. He's calling to her in love, asking for mercy and showing his devotion. I'm angry and hurt, wishing he'd want me instead of her. I pick up a rock from the balcony and drop it down near him, hoping to catch his attention. He doesn't even notice. "Steph!" he yells. Phoebe and John are here now too. They sympathize with me, also feeling anger toward the guy. I pick up another big, heavy, light grey rock and heave it down at him. He doesn't seem to acknowledge it. Phoebe drops one too. I pick up a really heavy rock and toss it at him in anger. It comes very close to hitting him, so finally he notices it, jumping out of the way. I just wanted him to be my boyfriend; we had been boyfriend and girlfriend earlier, on the couch, but only for a moment.

- FIN -

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