dreams: Monday, January 1, 2001

my frustration at not being heard

I'm sitting outside with a male friend. We are going through a pile of paper slips, reading off the information on each one to be recorded. We are taking turns reading them out loud, one at a time. Each paper has a name on it (not of individual people but of groups or organizations), as well as what category it belongs to. The info is recorded on a document as we read them.

When it's my turn to read one, I only get halfway through saying it out loud when the guy starts to read the next one, not giving me a chance to finish. The name I started to read didn't get recorded. I feel frustrated. I am mad at the guy that he isn't honoring my turn to speak. I feel dishonored, like my voice doesn't have any worth.

We then finish all of them, but a third person who is here says that we still need to record the name that I started to read when I got interrupted. The name was "2 and 1/2" or something similar (a number). I'm looking for that slip of paper to see what its category is. I can't find it. I see a piece of paper blowing away from us, across the grass nearby. I run and grab it. It is in the process of burning up, turning into black ashes. I hope it's the missing slip of paper, but it is not.

trying to start an orgy

Then I'm walking somewhere. I see Jesse Donovan (my first crush from elementary school) playing soccer with a group on an outside field. He's wearing big sunglasses with round, brownish-colored lenses that almost cover his whole face. He's trying to look cool and stylish.

I go inside a building, into a room on a top level. It looks like a hotel room, with 4 or 5 beds next to each other against the wall. There are many lamps on, giving the room bright yet cozy lighting. A large group of males are here. They all belong to a sports team.

We are talking about sex. I realize we could do something sexual too. I have a desire for us all to let go of our inhibitions, to reveal our bodies and maybe play around. There is one other woman in the room too. I am going around the room turning off and dimming all the lights. I want to make the room less bright to make the other people more comfortable. I'm running around, getting the place ready as fast as I can; I don't want to lose the opportunity. I'm ready to get something sexual started. I feel ready and turned on. I want to see their bodies. I want to get in bed with all of them.

Becca Winthrop is in the room, in the bed furthest right, in the corner. I feel restrained as soon as I see her. Now I am very hesitant to be sexual or get naked. I feel a little shame for being so forward. I pretend to not want anything from the guys. They leave.

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