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may 4, 1999
It feels like ages since I've updated my page... really it's probably been about a week. But it feels as if so much has happened...

The ever-present thing is that I hurt my ankle. They always tell you movies are a bad influence, and I guess I finally proved them right. (whoever "they" really are... who are they?) I saw _The Matrix_ a week and a half ago friday, and it was great. A big group of us got dolled up in black and went. Well, let's just say I was overly inspired by the characters' abilities, say, to run up walls and jump from building to building and stuff. I tried to run up the wall like Trinity. I failed. End of story.

But other, much nicer things have been going on... classes are over, my papers are finished, and now just two finals and a helluva lot of packing are left. It's odd though... it's often this time of year when I begin to feel most at home here. I've been having a lot of fun, and I'd love to stay just a little longer and play with all my friends. Provided we play games that don't involve _The Matrix._

Like last night... I went over to ML with Talia, to visit Tim. Sarah, Jen, Katie and Patrick were there, and we had an interesting conversation about pornography. Tim played devil's advocate for a while until we realized we all pretty much agree. Although I'm probably more pro-porn, in theory, than Tim is. I've read too much Susie Bright, probably. But she's coming to Swat next semester, which is really exciting.

And speaking of cool events and hot women, The Friggs are playing in philly on friday... I just got an email from Melissa...

Date: Mon, 03 May 1999 11:00:31 -0400
From: Melissa Huffsmith
Subject: Friggs rule OK!
Mime-Version: 1.0

Hey you guys!!!

Please please please come and see The Friggs this Thursday May 6th at Arlene's Grocery. 8ish. Free It's my birthday, and I promice not to cry.

also...If you feel like hanging out in Philly, we'll be playing at Upstairs at Nick's on Friday the 7th. Gotta love Philly.....

Gotta love yall.

The Friggs played here a couple of months ago, and Daniel, Aryani, and I all decided we had a big crush on Melissa. She's so sexy. She's the bassist. After the show, I went up and confessed my love for her. And this was even before I remembered that she's the co-editrix of MinxMag, a hip web zine. What a woman.

Oh... so the rest of last night... the six of us went out on the roof and smoked cigars, which I'd never done before. Not the roof part, I mean, the cigar part. It was so wonderful. It was a beautiful night and we could see the big dipper for a while before the clouds closed over. I loved sucking the smoke into my mouth and watching it drift up through the sky... sitting there, I got such a warm, loving, comfortable feeling all through my body. I fell in love with everybody there. Two in the morning, I came home, still blissful, put on my pajamas, brushed, flossed (because it felt like there was smoke between my teeth) and got in bed. That morning smell when the shower hits your hair and all the smoke from last night comes out...

Yeah. I've been good. The weekend was nice; our poetry workshop reading went well. I was glad again for all the thursday nights I spent in high school at Toxic Ink, open mikes and improvs in the basement of Vagabond coffee house. Before junior year, when I started doing that, I'd get so nervous when I had to read poetry in public. My heart would beat fast and gerbil-like in my throat and my hands would shake. Now, though, I don't even get nervous. I mean, slightly nervous... like I want to do a good job. But now it's much more about performing, about making sure my meaning comes through the way I want it to... it's about connecting with the audience. Two of the poems where I especially feel like that happened were wishing, a poem I wrote for my sister, and Breasts and the Sensitive Guy: a meditation, which I wrote during the week when we were supposed to write a poem in the voice of the opposite gender. ("however you define 'opposite,' " Nat explained.)

I had a great time reading those two poems. The other night, I read "Breasts" to Garcia over the phone. She really liked it. It feels so good to talk to her... we'd gotten out of the habit of calling so often, but I still consider her my best friend in so many ways. There are lots of people who I refer to as my best friends. Garcia, Allison, Hannah... everyone in the quint. Funny, no boys though... There are certainly boys I'm friends with (like Tim) but they don't usually fill that role of best friend. Last year, maybe, there were times when I felt like Ben Tiven was one of my best friends. I saw him last weekend again... it was great. I miss him. I miss the way he makes quotation marks with his fingers in a very Ben way.

So... there's the mini-Sarah update. Enjoy the page... there's a few new links, a few new poems... plus all the other stuff, if you haven't read it, it's new to you, now isn't it...?


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I used to read Sassy magazine.

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since april 1, 1999, you're number

sarah kowalski
updated may 06, 1999