august 21

[an anotated email]

i'm home now and have been for about two days. when i first arrived i got a phone call from my best friend in these parts, and without more then six sentences we decided to go to the beach and surf, which we did at like 6 in the morning, watching the sun rise over the bath-water temperature ocean. and i actually caught a few! i love to sit out there and stare out towards the horizon looking for waves and feeling like some sort of neoprene-clad bodhisatva when i'm really just a bum on a board ;)

the waves were 2-3ft, and we were the only ones out on the ocean. the sun did a reverse melt up into a deep red-pink and eventually golden orange. looking out for the swells you have no choice but to look into the reflection of the sun on the small wind-chopped water, and when something rises and comes towards a peak you're not to sure. the morning is the best time because it's not too hot and when a wave peaks in front of you it turns to green cystal for an instant when the sun is behind it. it all happens in slow motion and then either crashes down magnificantly on your face or just behind you and you feel the surge as you fall forward again.
the drive back east was a bunch of fun... we did 32 hours of straight driving, then slept in st. louis, 13 more to wayne's house, sleep, and then i drove the last 4 to my house. i got a horrible cold from chuck, so i'm dying right now, but i have some great herbal tea to save me.
i drink much tea now that i have decided not to get addicted to coffee and caffeine. i like the herbal flavors and honey, and it cleans you out a bit in the brain and the bod.
... about being in love, and i wondered whether i was in love with something (rather than someone or many people). i used to think that i was in love with travel and being on the road, because i had the most amazing experience the last time i drove across the country on my own. it was very much a spiritual journey and led to an entire summer of things that augmented my soul in little ways. this drive was wierd because i had two guys with me, and i wasn't really as into it.

then simon & garfunkel's "homeward bound" came on and i realized how fir the first time i was bordering on homesick, so now i thought i was in love with home. when i arrived it was great, just my little bother was here, walking around without his shirt on so i took mine off too and felt the sun on my back while i unpacked. if i could smell anything through this cold i'd say that the air smells so much like home here, but i know it does. and my friends and family are here, and it's like every time i return i'm reunited with some litlte piece of my soul that i left here as a reminder of so many memories and people i love.

maybe that's what soul is, something you scatter around you, in places and in people, and you're always looking for the piece, and when you find them you don't necessarily take them back. and so maybe that's what soulmates are, people who caught or found or ingested or stole one of those pieces of you. and the bigger the soul the more people. maybe that's why we travel, to find the distant places and people that our soul already knows. boy o boy, maybe that's it, and maybe i'm missing alot. i never really know ;)

oh, but to finish a thought, i now think that i'm in love with whatever's next, because of the infinite possibilities and the chance that one of them might envoke a feeling you had in the past, something that we can't really return to without rememberances that we'll stumble upon in the future. memory is one of the strongest things a human has. that and belief.

maxin' in a pareo, chris

i've rediscovered my caribbean wrap-around and have been walking around in it in the wonderful humidity of home. it's a sheet of light cotton cloth with a big ole fish on it and i got it somewhere in the windward islands back when my hair was buzzed. i find my style at home is barechested... out in the country i'm nature-boy.

08.10 | august | 08.26