july 28

last friday i went down to telegraph looking for a new place to eat, since there are so many there and i've been pretty exclusive in my patronage. mostly blondie's pizza and cafe intermeza. i read the menu in the window of a place called blake's, then went in and sat at one of those high tables in the front. while i was eating i noticed a small tattoo on the lower back of one of the waitresses. soon enough she came over, while my mouth was full of course, and asked if i needed anything. she laughed at my pantomime while i finished chewing, and i asked her about her tattoo, it was some symbol for dreams. we talked a few times before i left, whenever i caught her eyes she'd come over. i must say she had a nice belly and smiling eyes. her name is ferah.

so i went back today, and as i'm sitting down i hear "hey, chris!" and she's there. i get a cesar salad and she fills my little water bottle, i find out she's a student at the university and that she likes her job. we talk about watching telegraph ave and joke about who gets to take away the dishes. i'd rehersed in my head, "i'm making butternut squash tonight, and we're doing henna... you want to come over?" and it comes out somehow actually close to what i'd hoped. i've never hit on a girl before, at least not one that i have no real connection to other than her being my waitress, and it's all new to me. i'm nervous and she tells me to write my number on the reciept and i'm leaving before my brain gets a chance to catch up.

the walk back to the square and the bus ride and even the first hour after i got back to work were tense in that nervous, hopeful, unknowing kind of way. i can even feel it now. then come all the worries and hypotheticals, maybe she will say she can't come over, maybe she will and i'll make a fool of myself. is two days too soon to be inviting someone to your apartment for dinner? was i being a creep? maybe i messed everything up by wanting to get to know her better and not being patient enough to go back to the restaurant every day.

so i sat outside in my chair and read, trying not to think about her and being pretty successful. what am i worried about... either she'll call or she won't, and in a few weeks i'll be on another coast anyway. still, she is so wonderful. i read and finally wayne and i go to applebee's for burgers, i check messages when we return and she hasn't called. sigh.

around eight the sun was going down, so i took my sandman comic and canvas lawn chair up to the roof, to watch the houses on the hill slowly lose their orangey hues and to let that last flash of light bring me into the between of day and night.

when chuck and cherie return i put on techno for the first time in the apartment and we all do henna, i put ka's on my wrists, the japanese symbol for strength, and we watch a movie.

my world is a little different. i have reason to wonder, be a little anxious, scared and hopeful. i even read some of my old pages and shuttered because of some new beauty i saw, like i'm more aware for some reason. will she call eventually? maybe. i have someone to think about, more than a fantasy because i know her voice and some of her thoughts. all i can think to myself is it would be so cool. it's like i'm a little more alive. maybe it's all in my head. perhaps it isn't.

07.23 | july | 07.29