Dreams: December 9, 1997

Phoebe as a model

I'm looking through a magazine. I see photos of someone who looks like Phoebe but not as good. I tell her that. It turns out that it is her. She paid to have them taken because she wants to be a model. The photos of her in the magazine are part of an article; one page has lots of little square pictures of her in different outfits working out. In one square, her hairband is coming off because she's working out so hard. Her body doesn't look as fit as it used to look.

back to (high?) school

NEXT, I'm at school in the morning. I need to use the bathroom. I go into a coed one for men and women. I know everyone I see (both Ashlanders and folks from the Pitzer program). I see Caleb Stokes, who now has purple hair. I find a stall. There is only a hole in the floor, not a toilet. The stall walls are low, made of sterling silver; over the walls of my stall I can see men who are peeing in urinals on the wall next to me.
Then I go to wash my hands at the long counter. In the mirror I see that my hair is long, wavy and reddish; I put it in a hairband. I've lost hair at my hairline in front, but some strands are left. I like my beautiful hair though.
I'm late for class. I hurry into the classroom. Everyone is sitting down at the desks. The room is kind of dark since we're watching a movie. Phoebe is here; so are other friends. As I sit down, I pull my hair back. Loose strands come out -- a bunch of them. I put the handful of hair that came out on the floor next to my desk. A couple more handfuls come out of my head, and I put them all on the huge pile next to my desk (that looks like a dirty drain on the floor of a shower). I am wearing a white tank top shirt. I lift my arms up to stretch them, realizing that I haven't shaved my armpits in a long time, and they're kind of hairy.
I see a BIG loaf of bread next to my desk. I think about eating some, but then decide not to. The desk behind me (to my left) is inhabited by Francy, who's wearing a dark heavy jacket, intently watching the film. I don't say anything to her, realizing that now I especially can't eat the bread since she might see me. I know she doesn't eat breakfast.

a sacred spot in the woods

NEXT, I'm with Mom in the woods. It's a very special section. There is a wooden ledge sticking out of the side of a mountain. It is night. We are near a road, and there are lots of trees around us. Suddenly a wolf and another animal are there with us. The wolf is really interested in this site for some reason. We are scared. I hold Mom's hand. She somehow has the power to make me rise up in the air above the wolf (and above the wooden ledge) in order to be safe. The wolf is jumping up at me, but it is just trying to get something that is near me. It then goes away, and I land back down on the ground, holding Mom's hand still. I'm amazed that she could protect me like that.
The other creature has Madhu's face, but it's actually one of his triplet brothers. Madhu is sitting here watching the animal and wolf with us. Suddenly the area is protected by a wall and a gate. Phoebe is with me. Now it's morning, and sunlight is coming in through the trees. The gate is locked closed to keep the wolf and creature out on the other side. Mom is now on the other side too though. We quickly let her in. I feel safe in this little place.
Now it's safe to leave. I know that this is an important place. Lots of people are gathered outside in a big open space nearby. There are cop cars and police officers, as well as a group of protesters beating up a car. As we leave, a guy comes up to the fenced-in special section; he's holding a ticking black thing in his hands. "A bomb," I ask. "Yeah," he says. We run away.
Then I'm with a group of Ashland girls. We are looking at books about that special sacred place in the woods. We're sitting on the floor deciding where to go for lunch. Becca Silvers says that she wants something very vegetably: mellow, gentle, feminine. No men. "How 'bout a Greek salad?" someone asks. She says no, explaining that it needs to be more Californian. The group of girls leaves the room. I start to follow, but then I see Abby standing in the corner of the room. She shows me a big book in her hands that she wants to get. It has dungeons, dragons, dark pictures and stories about the sacred spot. Abby then says: "this book is not for wimps; it's for hermaphrodites."
I go follow the girls out of the room. I go through rooms that are filled with cool clothes for sale. I grab a dress to maybe try on, but then I realize that it's way too small.


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