Fate took my key.
Two weeks ago I lost my key. Based on past experience, I figured that if I just gave it some time and didn't worry about it, it would come out from hiding.
So I have been without key until yesterday.
Being without key meant that I had to rely on the fact that one of my roommates hardly ever leaves, so that I could get back into the room. It also meant that I had to arrange to have one of my roommates block the outside door if I was going to be coming in after midnight.
So needless to say there were times when either the door was not blocked or no o9ne was home, and I was stranded.
After a party last weekend, I discovered that my friend who was supposed to let me in and departed with someone else. I didn't begrudge her her good time, but it left me completely shnockerd and no where to go.
I then decided that my only alternative was to go invade the bedroom of my friend Justin Hall. He was one of the only people that I felt like I could go to in that particular state and not have them be severely aggrevated. I also felt like I could trust myself with him; although, I had a roaring crush on him at the time, I had no fear of anything actually happening. Which is a lot for me to say, even in my friendships.
So I stumbled into his room at four thirty in the morning, I kept him up talking for a little while, and then fell asleep.
In the morning, I "lingered", as he says. It is very rare that I can be so comfortable around someone, especially physically. There is such a release that comes from physical interact, so much that can be resolved. Not sexually though, but just playing. I felt like because of that experience, I have resolved things within myself that "lingered". I no longer have any sort of a crush, but want to absolutely clobber him with hugs and affection as a friend. I came to peace with myself over a lot of things, through letting myself go and letting go.
I would never have imposed myself had I had an alternative. I would never even spend that much time with him, or with anyone. I run off to places to get things done, it's too hard to actually form a sincere relationship. But Fate forced me to take that risk.

It is almost as though I force myself to leave situations and relationships prematurely. Nothing is then confirmed, completed, resolved. I go so it can be left up in the air, to avoid that perhaps it won't all work out all right. I don't know why I do it.

But this past weekend has been one of my most wonderful yet(I should be keeping better track of these).
More about it later.
So Fate took my key. Fate took my key, to make me go out and spend time with people. Begin things closer to real friendships, rather than passing hellos. I still am tentative about things, but I have seen how much can be gainned by all. I had some of my first real conversations in a while, that I didn't run off and leave too soon. I have called some old friends that I should not have lost such contact with. I have realized that I can not go on without close friendships just because I am scared of cliques and finding myself becoming the wrong person with the wrong people. I may be slow to acclimate, but I think it will all be for the better and I will never let go of my doubts and never settle too much, which is good. And so I owe this to my key.
Perhaps Fate had no intentions when it took my key, but I learned something from it. And perhaps that is the key to everything.