The Lovebird*

A parody of The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe

I sit considering these lines to turn into my Valentines,
Pouring over Edgar’s contribution to poetic lore.
The Aves class has so much culture. Perhaps he should have picked the vulture
To tell his dark and dismal tale, a tale of love in days of yore.
For what doth a raven know of tales of love in days of yore?
Quoth the vulture, “Nevermore.”

In the air the vulture flies, as he attempts to recognize
The shape and smell of dying creatures lying on the forest floor.
I think I glimpsed a flying dove, as Vulture soars way up above.
You know, perhaps I’ll choose some bird associated with less gore.
Poor Vulture’s eating habits leave him covered with such grime and gore—
Quoth the white dove, “Nevermore.”

The Dove, the worldwide sign of peace, bears olive branches picked in Greece;
He even warned poor floating Noah that his ark would soon reach shore.
What better symbol of my love could be the white and noble dove?
But the dove sides with the French, for both of them are anti-war
And these days it’s controversial to declare you’re anti-war.
Disent les French Hens, “Pas Encore.”

French Hens? I know what you’ll say. I’ve got the wrong holiday.
Each time that Christmas carol plays, your true love buys you hens galore.
And now you want something unique: A dodo bird! A true antique.
This holiday should bring a present that does not induce a snore.
And after Christmas those French Hens, they do induce a mighty snore.
Quoth the Dodo, “Nevermore.”

At that last verse I bet you blinked. The dodo bird is long extinct!
Every dodo bird is dead, as dead as Edgar’s sweet Lenore.
I know that you will not decline a Lovebird’s song, my Valentine.
I’ll send a Lovebird chorus, such beauty that you can’t ignore
Their calls to be my Valentine. The singing Lovebirds do implore!
Quoth the Lovebirds, “We adore!”

*Eliza would like it noted that she provided editorial help and moral support.