Sunday, March 16, 2003, 7:35 p.m.

Wow... it hasn't really been a month since I've last written.

Before bed, I'll really write... really...

Monday, March 17, 2003, 10:11 p.m.

Congratulations, Hollis. I love you.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003, 11:06 p.m.

I'm feeling a bit rundown lately. I don't really have time to write this, even, because I need to study (read as: learn) substitution mechanisms for an organic chemistry test tomorrow.

Life just feels a bit ...cluttered, or something. Undirected and haphazard. Perhaps it's because I don't know what the future's bringing that I feel so unsettled in the present. I'm longing for a simpler way of being, though. I just read an article about cleansing fasts, and the idea appealed to me. I'm fed up with eating crummy food at the dining hall - choosing between deep-fried things and dry cereal for dinner, picking overripe tomatoes out of my salads, eating some oversweet dessert and then regretting it because of the way my stomach feels. I want my own kitchen, organized and clean and full of sunlight, and fresh vegetables and fruits and the time to try random recipes from the Moosewood.

My room needs a cleansing, too... for the first half of the semester, I kept it in good condition, so that putting it in perfect order only took about ten minutes. Now I've acquired things that don't fit into my system of organization, and I keep stalling out on those when I clean. It's not hideous, just a bit cluttered and out of order, but it affects my mood.

This morning I made a step toward what I'd like my life to be more like. I woke up at nine even though I didn't have class until eleven-twenty, and the sun was streaming through the windows. I cleared the rug in the middle of the room and did a sun salutation. While stretching, I felt an urge to run, feeling my feet beating a rhythm on the pavement. I said so to Kate, who replied, "Go for it." Well, why not? I asked.

A short run... just through the neighborhood for fifteen minutes or so, until I started to sweat a little. The morning air was cool but springlike (oh, at last!), and the sun gazed through still-bare tree limbs onto crocuses peeking from the soil. I think I am more out of shape than I've been in five years, for breathing was not easy, but still it felt so good...

When Hollis got his fellowship, I promised myself new running shoes... I'm going to follow up on that now. It's a start. It's a start.