Julie: "We're supposed to have good weather for the next few days."
David: "And then fire will fall from the sky."
David: "Anything else illegal in here?"
Richard: "Like the gun?"
Amelia: "I'm never going back to my room again!"
David: "You're going to die in here?"
Amelia: "Yes."
Daniel: "Hey Amelia, I'm loud!"
Dea: "Aww... Eileen killed Jesse!"
Sean: "I would so want to be a pig!"
Dea: "Can anyone think of something dirty?"
Rebecca: "Screw the New York Times for breakfast!"
David: "The stress is really starting to break you, isn't it?"
Richard: "Mmm... yeah."
David: "Richard, she said yes! The wedding date will be in April."
Amelia: "I don't know... We might have to move the date up since the due date's in May."
While a visitor from Parrish was in his bathroom:
Richard: "Time is UP!!!"
David: "Al Bloom has not checked his email in 13 hours and 45 minutes."
Amelia: "I think it's wrong that you know all these things."
David: [pointing to Dave's beer bottle] "That's bad for you."
Dave: "It's only bad for me if I'm sick and have a lot of work to do."
David: "Ah. And are you sick and do you have a lot of work to do?"
Dave: "Yeah."
Daniel: "So you won't mind if I just put all my dirty laundry on your desk..."
Richard: "Yeah, yeah, sure, that's fine. I'll kill you."
David: "You dream of killing me, don't you?"
Richard: "Me? No. It's just reality."
David: "You're going to kill me now, aren't you?"
Richard: "It can wait."
Allan: "So, tonight's dinner comes care of Shotgun Eddie and Crazy Joe's Ghetto-Ass Cafe."
Daniel & Richard's dry erase board: "Bison buffalo caribou Buffalo buffalo antelope your mother moose."
Daniel: "Let's bring some guns or something. It'll be fun."
Daniel: "It's like, 'Wow, you have a lot of names, can I go to bed with you?'"
Daniel: "I'm doing the quotes thing now, like, 'I'm going to kill you now.'"
Richard: "Remember Youssef?"
David: "Oh yeah. You met him me."
Richard: "I am screwing."
David: "What?"
Richard: "I am screwing."
David: "Oh. Quote board!"
Richard: "NO!"
Amelia: "Sean likes it when I call him 'bitch'."
Amelia: "Sean's not my bitch, he's just a bitch, and you should address him as such."
Richard: "Let me open the door, and then we fight?"
Amelia: "David! David! Look at me, David! When Miss Amelia is talking to you,
look at her! Do you need a time out?"
David: "Aaaargh!"
Amelia: "David, let go of Richard!"
David: "So, Richard, what careers are you considering in the near future?"
Amelia: "He's going to be a male prostitute in Philly."
Katie: "In our day, the women came in through the doors and the men through the windows... Actually, they just sit around outside on the roof."
Katie: "Return my husband to my bed!"
Daniel: "I guess I'll make a fucking omlette or something."
Amelia: "Maybe it's because I have a feeling that Daniel isn't really fit for society..."
Amelia: "That's good. I wouldn't want you getting mixed up in any black gay
male porn."
Katie: "Since that just about excludes me on every level."
Katie: "Jesse's in bed with my husband!"
Jesse: "Okay, there was this one guy in a place, and these other people... with a
thing."
David: "Could you be a bit more vague?"
Jesse: [to Katie] "Well, thank you for having me in your room and your bed..."
David: "You're a RA - should you be condoning this?"
Sean: "Yes!"
[referring to a purity test with a maximum score of 100]
Rebecca: "A score of 4 is ideal."
Rebecca: "David, I changed my mind - 3!"
Jesse: [to Dea] "I'm not trying to tickle you, I'm trying to do it to you!"
Dea: "Do you have any idea how big I'd be if I weighed 230 pounds? I'd be a ball. I'd be the Big Dea Ball of Happiness."
Hideaki: "Do you drink a lot?"
Adrian: "I'm German."
Eileen: "'I saw her duck.' How is that ambiguous?"
Katie: "Well, you could mean, 'I saw her duck', or 'I saw her duck'."
Eileen: "Oh, of course!"
Jesse: "It always smells good in here."
Amelia: "That's because of me."
Richard: "I hate it when I cannot screw."
Richard: "This is a big hole and a big stick."
Adrian: "The phallic imagery is mind-boggling."
Tiffany: "I wasn't going to set your hair on fire!"
Molly: "Perhaps I was slightly misled by the flamethrower in your hand!"
Richard: "How do you say 'tosare' in English?"
David: "Well, I would tell you, but I don't speak Italian."
Richard: "What is it that you do with sheep?"
David: "Shear?"
Richard: "Yes!" [turns to Katie] "Do you shear your sheep?"
Amelia: "God-damn College Republicans should be taken out and fucking shot!"
David: "Freedom of speech, Amelia, freedom of speech."
Amelia: "I don't believe in freedom of speech!"
Jesse: "I am as far above you as you are above the squirrel!"
Jesse: "I need something that just hugs me."
Katie: "You need a husband."
Jesse: "I need a man. A good man."
Amelia: "David, do you have a lighter or a match?"
David: "No, I'm sorry. I don't believe in fire."
Allen: "No, we can do more sex pictures!"
David: "The Sofa of Love and Hot Sex is now better."
Haw-Bin: "Yes, it's all ready for me. Send the chicks in!"
David: "Why were you on Parrish 2nd East, Jesse? Were you socializing with girls?!"
David: "Don't do that in public, Allen."
Allen: "Ok, it was good. Aside from a few disturbing images, the sex video was good."
Jesse: "It feels like we're preparing a compound for a siege, not like we're getting ready for a party."
David: "Willets is beautiful."
Katie: "You're a sick person."
Eileen: [feeling David's hair] "This is like fur. Does that mean he
has a pelt? We could skin him and sell it."
David: "Everyone talks about killing me..."
Eileen: "Wait a minute. I said 'skin', not 'kill'."
David: "Oh. Okay..."
David: "How many kids do you think we can fit in your closets?"
Daniel: "With the circular saw in action? Quite a few."
Katie: "I'm going this way... I'm going this way... I have to keep track of these things."
Daniel: "I don't do dangerous things."
Jesse: "On that point, I think I'll put some pants on."
David: "They're watching you, Amelia."
Amelia: "Good. You know I'm an exhibitionist, right?"
Eileen: "'No' means no. 'Aaaah' does not mean no."
Jesse: "Generally when he talks about animal psychology, it's like, 'We got a cat. We did something to it for 20 days. It got screwed up.'"
Amelia: "I like the little pumpkin-shaped candies... You bitch!"
Sean: "What part of childhood are we celebrating?"
David: "Prepubescent."
Katie: "I thought that was a color."
Jesse [referring to the American education system]: "It's all arcane black magic! We pray to our demon gods and sacrifice our children!"
Eileen: "She has a very comfortable bed."
Jesse: "Yeah...!"
Amelia: "Eileen, we should straddle each other more often."
Sean: "Dost thou want a piece of this, bitchmonkey?!"
Richard: "I'm not trying to send you out or anything, but fuck off, get out of my room."
David: "What's all that lumber for?"
Daniel: "I'm going to install shelves in my closet."
David: "Blatant disregard of college policy...."
Daniel: "When have I ever demonstrated any regard for college policy, David?"
Dea: "I don't hate you guys. I have sexual fantasies about you guys!"
David: "Richard, are you going to kill me?"
Richard: "Why should I? It's 1:30 in the morning. I have office hours."
Amelia: "They're practically the same word. So I could probably say, 'I have a headache. I think I'm getting fuck.' It wouldn't make a bit of difference."
Richard: "It's 2:55 a.m."
Amelia: "That's really sicking fuck."
Dave: "She's gonna be an artist... she's gonna be a physicist... he's gonna
be a homicidal maniac..."
Amelia: "That's my brother!"
Jesse: "Hopefully we both get angels of death."
Jesse: "What's this yellow thing stuck to my sock?"
Katie: "Amelia debris."
Richard: "Oh look - children. We can kill them."
David: "Have you heard from him?"
Richard: "I met him today."
David: "And...?"
Richard: "And we had sex."
Branen (to Amelia): "You're just grumpy because you don't have pants."
Tiffany: "It's like cadaver scrabble!"
Daniel: "Is that your name? 'Sexy Bitch'?"
Richard: "Yeah."
Daniel: "That's ok... most people probably know it's you."
Daniel: "Things can't just 'occur'."
Richard: "In Italian they do!"
Daniel: "Yeah, and it's probably grammatically correct in some perverse sense..."
Dave: "Sex isn't about socializing."
David: "What is it about, then?"
Amelia: "Power!"
Katie: "And I usually wear pants, too."
David: "You don't seem to be in this picture!"
Katie: "It's rated R for Richard. It has sex and violence."
Katie: "What are you doing?"
David: "I'm thinking."
Katie: "Do you always think so autistically?"
Eileen: "Relax shoulders! Relax shoulders!"
Tiffany: "I can't relax my shoulders when you're killing me!"
Allan: "You can do it, it just involves 2 weeks of constant groin pain."
Jesse: "Like puberty."
David: "Katie, that's the sign of a disturbed mind."
Katie: "You just noticed?"
Amelia: "Shut your bitch!"
Katie: "Here is water. I did not make it out of clay."
Amelia: "Yeah, I do stop bullets on a regular basis!"
Katie: "I'm Death... Death wears pigtails."
David: "Richard, man, you should write romance novels!"
Richard: "This is no romance, this is just pornography."
Allan: "And then we played around with Ask Jeeves for a while."
Amelia: "What did you ask him?"
Allan: "Will you go out with me? Is Bill Gates Satan? Where can I find
nude pictures of Margaret Thatcher?"
Amelia: "I think we should bring that back - head coverings for women. Mandatory."
Katie: "Let's go find Eileen... unless you have a better idea."
Jesse: "I do. But it involves cocoa butter and a melon baller."
Katie: "Voluntary Tarblism? You freak!"
Allan: "No, no, no. This is my plan. Forget social welfare. Burn the poor for fuel."
Richard (singing): "I am fuck-ing ti-red!"
Allan: "Bing, have you cracked?"
David: "Cracked?"
Allan: "Cracked, gone insane."
David: "No, not recently."
Allan: "... That was a serious question."
David: "What about an echidna? I mean, it has quills and stuff but it lays eggs."
Daniel: "That's what happens when you have Australia."
Allan: "What're you up to?"
David: "Nothing."
Allan: "Looking at rooms?"
David: "No."
Allan: "Just stalking people?"
David: "Yeah, pretty much."
Amelia: "My throat sucks ass!"
Katie: "There's a fine line between sweet and homicidal."
(as Daniel & Christine leave the room at 2:30 a.m.)
Richard: "Have fun, good luck."
Christine: "Yeah, it's hard being Richard's bitch... you don't get to keep your own
computer, have to please him whenever he wants..."
Richard: "Daniel would know something about that."
Christine: "Yeah, but not as much as Daniel's mom."
Daniel: "True."
Tiffany: "I want to name something Faust - I don't care whether it's an animal or a child. And also Mephistopheles."
(for a linguistics assignment)
Tiffany: "So now I'm making up my own sentences. 'Joe, having killed
the clowns, went home.' 'Amy, craving attention, jumped out the window.'
'Tired and frustrated, Cathy killed her mother.'"
Richard: "Yeah, make it quick. This is ghetto!"
(while watching the 20th Century Fox logo)
Richard: "Ok, yeah, this part I know."
David: "Yeah, it's called the beginning of the movie."
Richard: "Bye bye dust... you go to hell! I kill you now, dust!"
Katie: "And I was wandering around campus going "Errerrerrarr," making strange feral noises."
David: "Do you hate yourself?"
Daniel: "I thought we already knew that."
Katie: "See, that's the person that was in the picture with me when we
were little and in bed. Now we're not little anymore."
David: "But you're still in bed?"
David: "And what is this photo?"
Katie: "Nice. The Mediterrarranian Sea."
David: "And once again, you don't seem to be wearing any pants."
David [to Katie]: "You shouldn't let stuff like this get out about you on the internet. It could be bad for future jobs... well, depending on what your job is."
Katie: "Don't fuck the drawer. As per my instructions."
Eileen: "No, everyone must give me things - billions of things!"
Eileen: "My mother sent me these little bubble things."
Allen: "Make it go!"
David: "So that's pretty high quality hair you're growing."
Allen: "Yes. It helps that I don't wash it very often."
David: "I'm so culturally illiterate."
Amelia: "That's for sure. Whoops, did I say that out loud? Shut your ass, bitch!"
Allen: "In ninth grade I was known as the heroin dealer..."
David: "Do you really think it would be such a bad thing if humanity finally and utterly destroyed itself in one huge apocalyptic war?"
Julie: "Do you want to hear about how Julie pleasured the snowman?"
Richard: "And what else is a unit of capital?"
David: "A cow."
Richard: "Ah ha! And what is the comparative advantage of that?"
David: "Well, it moos."
Richard: "'And the room was beautiful, they turned off the lights, she got undressed...' Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were taking notes for class."
Amelia: "A watched pot never boils."
Katie: "Does one at knifepoint?"
Amelia: "Duct tape would be good S&M material."
Amelia: "I fuck my uncle every day!"
(while in the room with Richard)
Amelia: "Yeah, we're planning on getting pregnant tonight."
Amelia: "I'm a public good, but he's got some marketable value."
Katie: "Stop dangling your pound cake!"
Sean (about Amelia): "She's so easy to screw!"
Daniel: "Do you realize that the average work week for hunter-gatherers is only twenty hours? It's pretty posh."
Amelia: "Don't call me Girl, my name is Bitch!"
David: "So you never get really happy?"
Dea: "Yeah. Except for when I meet shiny people who want to burn themselves perfectly."
Dea: "Stalking is hard work. It requires a lot of free time."
Dea: "I read through your sex magazine. All the articles were about sex!"
Julie: "So at some point it came down to me offering myself to him."
Katie: "Richard is homicidal and David is a maniac, so together they're a homicidal maniac."
Allen: "Science is all about wimpiness."
Katie: "There is a hair in this cookie. It has a split end."
David: "I know! I'll hide in Eileen's bed and see if she notices-"
Eileen: "When I walk in the door?"
Katie: "What is it about Indian men and arranged marriages and me?"
Meg: "How are you?"
Amelia: "I'm fine, if a little naked."
David: "I'm going to Upper Tarble when I die!"
Amelia: "Prostitution rings? I've got that covered!"
Katie: "I'm a whore!"
David: "Great. Now you've got Richard looking up hardcore porn."
Amelia: "Well, that was the point of it."
Richard: "Are you that tired, Amelia?"
Amelia: "Yeah, you just exhausted me!"
Daniel: "Ok, so how about we just turn Parrish beach into one giant solar panel?"
Jesse: "Robin Mamlet cut ahead of me in line yesterday!"
Dea: "I don't care who my child is sexually attracted to, as long as it isn't me!"
Amelia: "Hey David?"
David: "Yeah?"
Amelia: "Go drink some alcohol."
Katie: "Or shall we progress directly to opiates?"
Amelia: "'Stinky's good.' Hmm. I'll have to start saying that."
Allen: "I don't really mind the idea of being a cadaver in a medical school, but the thought of being a medical student who has to look at cadavers just really weirds me out!"
David: "Good night! And don't let me see you on Kohlberg 2nd again!"
Daniel: "... Am I going to have to kick your ass now?"
David: "Are you planning on killing me, Richard?"
Richard: "Well not 'kill', no, but something like that."
Katie: "The literary Bulgarians must stay on the fire escape."
David: "Don't you trust Amelia to serve as a beacon of light in your life?"
Katie: [laughs]
David: "What are quality boot trees?"
Katie: "Don't you know where boots come from? Didn't your parents have that
talk with you?"
David: "Oh God, I'm going to lose another point on the purity test, aren't I?"
Katie: "We go out every morning and get frightened by our door."
Eileen: "We get pregnant by our door?!"
Katie: "Yes, haven't you noticed?"
Katie: "Well, at least Amelia has Richard - we only have a door. For both of us!"
Katie: "The sad thing is, the only reason I'm studying is because I like to write with this pen."
Rebecca: "No, you gotta leave a note on the window, 'Skank ho, get your shit outta the room!'"
Julie: "Tiffany and I had the same pimp."
Rebecca: "I haven't been propositioned-"
Julie: "Will you sleep with me?"
Molly: "I'm fucked, and I'm happy about it!"
Melanie: "How the hell did he get younger than me!? Was he always younger than me?"
David: "'Girls', 'beer', 'good' - that's all you need to know how to say."
David: "I can be insecure! I'm secure in my insecurity."
Amelia: "Why does he have to exist?"
Katie: "I think it's one of those sins of his parents things."
Katie: "Let's see, I have six living cats and seven dead ones..."
Katie: "I mean, I'm used to my cats being dead - they keep on dying."
David: "This pen is bad!"
Jesse: "Chastise it. Make it feel bad for what it is!"
Jesse: "David, when I - I mean, Satan..."
Katie: "What is there in the Midwest? Corn and conservatives. Cows, corn and conservatives."
Ursula: "Someone's probably already gone and done that and had sex there."
Daniel: "Ok, say you're out in the wilderness... with a tiger. Do you run away or fight it? The illiterate people would probably fight it."
Daniel: "How about this - you have a gun with one bullet. What do you shoot?"
Amelia: "This is so dangerous."
Richard: "That's why it's there."
Katie: "I wish my pigtails went 'brrrrp!'" That would make me happy."
Richard: "Who is touching my bike?"
Amelia: "I am touching your bike. It's weird looking."
Richard: "Weird looking, eh?"
Amelia: "Look here, bitch!"
David: "So how did you get that low, down to a 69?!"
Amelia: "I'm a nasty vixen - I don't know?"
Amelia: "The thing that makes it bearable are all the bras all over the floor."
Jesse: "You look like terrorist Jesus!"
Amelia: "I don't feel like doing math, I don't feel like reading history, I don't feel like doing econ problems, I do feel like murdering David, though!"
Richard: "Italy doesn't even have a military thing... they have feathers in their hair."
Katie: "On the other hand, you can attack people with it, which is always a plus in any garment."
Richard: "Can you explain to me how your fan is connected to your stereo?"
Daniel: "I have no idea."
David: "I mean, look at your walls, why are they so black over there?"
Richard: "Because I kill animals and animals still procreate!"
David: "I don't have anything against sex!"
Amelia: "Let's hang out somewhere that's not covered in my underwear."
Julie: "I want to have sex slaves!"
Amelia: "Where did you get a Census 2000 pin - bitch!"
Allen: "I don't know what you just said but I like the part about you bowing down to me."
Katie: "Lo mein could certainly impede vision, if you applied it properly."
Katie: "It looks like a grenade with whiskers."
Katie: "They're like, 'This is a cool dorm! You play violent games!' And we are like, 'Yes, yes! Violence!'"
Katie: "I just pointed at myself and was undressed!"
Melanie: "Should I get my stuff and go to your room and fuck with your rats?"
David: "So it's just like democracy without the voting process! ... I'm sorry, that's the caffeine talking."
Martin: "That's sad. If you turn the lights off, I'm either going to have to get up and turn them on, or just go to sleep."
Dea: "I was thinking of transferring to Yale... and then walking around with a sniper rifle!"
Richard: "I'm only $10 an hour."
Katie: "He has no morals. So do I. But I have fewer no morals than he does, because I've only done it once."
Eileen: "Did it make it better?"
Amelia: "Yes, I intend to drink my problems away more often."
Amelia: "I'll quote board you, bitch!"
Katie: "Bfuh!"
Eileen: "Unfortunately, that's hard to put on the quote board."
Katie: "I'll go see if my laundry is cooked after I update my toenails."
Katie: "Where is the nude beach, how much are the tomatos, and was that really necessary?"
Cathy: "I'm not going to go looking for a trap with a dead chipmunk in it."
Laura (to Amelia): "Aren't you desperate? -- I mean, jealous!?"
Amelia: "You're going to die. And at my hands, I might add."
Eileen: "So which nuclear facility are you trying to get into this summer?"
Daniel (to David): "No matter how hard you try, I'm not going to confuse you with my roommate."
Laura: "Boys are objects to be gotten."
Dea: "And to be toyed with."
Katie: "She's not strangling me, she's just pushing me by the throat."
Melanie: "I've taken a class in computer ethics - I know what ethics are!"
David: "But do you have any ethics?"
Melanie: "Well, no, not really."
Simon: "I've been beaten in the mouth with a Seventeen magazine. It doesn't get much lower than that."
Amelia: "What is this thing you call 'sleep'?"
Katie: "It's a very small dog!"
Katie: "It ended up on Amelia's chair, because in the grand scheme of things, everything ends up on Amelia's chair."
Katie: "What's so valuable up there that they have to have motion detectors?"
David: "The walls are paved with gold; there's ancient treasure and pirate's booty!"
Katie: "Booty!"
Amelia: "I just want to lay down on the grass and get some!"
David: "How do you work this mystical contraption?"
Allen: "He slept with the Mother Goddess?"
Ursula: "Yeah."
Allen: "That has got to be the best thing in the world!"
Simon: "I could judge you. That would be fun."
Amelia: "Stop, drop, and floss! Is that what they teach you in fire school?"
Simon: "Ah, no. That's what they teach in EMT."
Jesse: "Amelia, America - they're the same entity. She's the American dream!"
Sean: "Yeah, I want to know about my sex life - when does it start?!"
Jesse: "You are the wind and I am the sun."
Allen: "You make me blow."
Amelia: "I had to take it all off..."
Eileen: "And so we were wandering around trying to find a quote board-"
Katie: "We found a box!"
David: "Yeeaaah... yeeeeaaah... I'm gettin' more action than you are!"
Allen: "Your guys' room smells like a hammer dulcimer store ... and I really like it!"
Amelia: "I reinvent liberalism every day!"
Dan: "Right after you fuck your uncle?"
Amelia: "Yeah, that's right, that's my schedule. AM: fuck uncle. PM: reinvent
liberalism to include killing."
David J.: "So you're what evolution tries to kill."
Allen: "You can classify all of humanity according to how frequently they say 'rough surface scattering.'"
Katie: "She's pulling quotes out of her shorts!"
Eileen: "I'm not looking innocent. I'm looking falsely innocent!"
Katie: "Do people ever have formal sex? Do you have to wear a tie or something?"
Katie: "At least it's not locked! There aren't people having sex on my page!"
Katie: "In high school, my shorts were always too short because my arms were too long."
Steven: "Um, Katie...the shorts go on the legs..."
Katie: "I can only see legs."
Katie: "Eat your socks! Rarrarrarrarrr! Never mind."
Katie: "Amelia is now a unit of sleep deprivation."
Amelia: "If you stand right here and don't move for several years, then you'll be me!"
Katie: "It's kind of hard to get the sled dogs to pull ships."
Amelia: "Oh, David, what are we going to do with you?"
David: "Put me in a small wire cage?"
Amelia: "Yeah, sounds about right."
Amelia: "Oh yeah, you're just trying to get rid of me."
Richard: "No. You didn't bother me."
Daniel: "I think it's dying."
Richard: "No, no, it's not dying, I think it's... it's probably dying."
absolut swarthmore
last updated