Sarah: "Points of personal privelege should be reserved for moments when you
have been totally offended, to the point that you want to cry."
Rob: "Yeah, I've had two called on me."
Jeremy: "Wait, Bing. You're suggesting that we stay up tonight for two hours to
watch Planet of the Apes to come up with a debate case?"
Jeremy: "Uh, listen, I have an announcement, I'm using ferrets later tonight!"
Ryan: "I'm a stallion in the sack!"
Sonya: "'Should' is the moral obligation and 'ought' is what we should do. I looked it up."
Bing: "Housing. I'm reminded of that fantastic economic program, The Great Leap Forward."
Marvin: "No, you don't want me driving. Last time I drove, it was terrible... and I wasn't even drinking."
Allan: "We used to have raging hordes my freshman year."
Mark: "Raging whores?"
Phil: "Yeah, Allan and Dave Ellis."
Doru: "Don't kill him. I need him tonight."
Rob: "It was like a ghetto wine and cheese party. They were playing Tupac."
Rob: "Shut up novice! Nobody cares what you think!"
Allan: "Jeremy, as your friend, I'm concerned that you won't be able to get
laid this weekend."
Jeremy: "I'm visiting my Grandma this weekend."
Derek: "I'm hung like Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."
Sarah: "I think if you look on the Peaslee site, you can find Bing's old
minutes in which he describes how Rob found out Amos J. Peaslee's middle name."
Ryan: "Yeah, just don't copy it and print it in the newspaper."
Liz: "Weren't you going to have a seance?"
Bing: "Oh, I was just talking about digging up his corpse."
Allan: "Could you do a practice round on Thursday? Mark's a little pussy
and couldn't make it tonight."
Mark: "I'm right here."
Rob: "Now that we've disgusted everyone in the restaurant, do you want to get off?"
Liz: "I told my Mom that I was doing research in the library. That sounded a lot better than 'I ran through the halls of Parrish naked.'"
Sarah: "A vibrating lion; that's positively indecent."
Liz: "I'll think of Uncle Amos when I use it."
Allan: "Just so you know, I expect you all to write one of these odes for me."
Mark: "It's a good thing man-whore rhymes with Swarthmore."
Phil: "You gotta watch out, he might try to make the first move."
Ryan: "No one makes the first move on me."
Sonya: "You guys did well."
Rob: "He still smelled bad."
Ian: "I'm gonna be hybriding with this girl from Bryn Mawr."
Susan: "So that's what they call it these days."
Allan: "Sarah must have embezzled the endowment and gone to Mexico. She's probably surrounded by hundreds of beautiful, naked drummers."
Phil: "Ryan can take these condoms."
Mark: "Yeah, for all the sex he's having."
Liz: "I didn't even know they had apple-flavored condoms."
Mark: "It doesn't sound like that would be a good flavor."
Allan: "You're saying because I'm French, I'll just surender."
Rob: "I don't have a driver's license."
Chris: "Just a follow-up. Have you ever had a driver's license?"
Sonya: "Personally, I think Liz's sketchiness is overrated."
Susan: "Apparently Allan sees his furniture as a good place for koalas to mate."
Bing: "I'm playful and fun loving!"
Jeremy: "That's what otters are for."
Bing: "It was not just pornography. It was also a musical."
Rob: "God, man, you don't know what she's going to put down your pants."
Bing: "Then I had sex with her, obviously."
Rob: "If there's a mushroom that looks like a pinecone, that's what this stuff looked like."
Rob: "For the trouble of going 4-1 and not breaking, we got a genetically malformed goat."
Sarah: "Chris, I think Rob is trying to send a subtle message that he wishes you were quiet."
Sarah: "A good test is if you're complaining about traffic. And if you are, then you're probably whining and being annoying."
Sonya: "It wasn't that they were drunk, they were just that way normally."
Allan: "Japan should give the comfort women 40 acres and a mule."
Phil: "He was hitting the crack pipe on the front porch, and eventually
we had to throw him out because he had an orgy in the living room."
Mark: "I didn't know Allan was that bad."
Rob: "If you're using duct tape, you're not even into the top
tier bondage. You're into-"
Sarah: "Ghetto bondage?"
Mark: "'Let's see what I can pick up at CVS' bondage."
Rob: "Gonorrhea A hits Syphilis C."
Sarah: "That would make people want to come to the banquet."
Mark: "Ian 'I'm going to house all the girls in my room' Sulam."
Rob: "We went to American, and lo and behold, it sucked ass."
Allan: "You dig the 'I will gouge your eyes out and skull fuck you'?"
Rob: "We got some Tenaya action."
Bing: "I will come after you with the lightsaber."
Allan: "And we'll give him three things of Pepsi and two shots of vodka beforehand."
Chris: "What do people say when they pass you?"
Bing: "They don't, they just laugh at Aviva for being with me."
Rob: "He's from some cave in Poland."
Phil: "He's from New Jersey."
Rob: "That's just as bad."
Xiao: "How was London, Jeremy?"
Jeremy: "I didn't go to London over break, Xiao."
Xiao: "Oh, that's right - I did."
Rob: "So who do we have? Me, Chris, Aviva... and Bing. Oh no!"
Bing: "What's the problem? I want to debate with Aviva."
Rob: "No, I just don't want to debate with Chris!"
Rob: "Allan is easily the gayest straight man ever."
Sarah: "The British know about wine."
Rob: "Yeah, but the British are all gay."
Phil: "The Quakers are going to rise up and kill you."
Rob: "Not all Quakers are like him."
Sarah: "Yes, many of them can take you."
Rob: "We're definitely getting pop-up porn for Phil."
Sonya: "I'll make it if we can't find it."
Susan: "So I told Allan that Lent had ended and Liz could take cheap shots
at him in the minutes again. And he said he hadn't noticed any difference."
Sarah (to Liz): "Were you a bad Catholic?"
Susan: "No! He was an unobservant Jew!"
Mark: "Contact the Grand Master Quaker, or whatever it is."
Rob: "Yeah, so let's get this kind of requisite meeting stuff out of the way."
Rob: "Basically, our society is based on, 'Do something now and volunteer for it so that when we try to bitch you into doing something worse later you have an excuse.'"
Rob: "I wish I could still guilt you into doing it."
Mark: "No, you have to sleep with me first."
Ian: "Would you choose Susan over a BMW?"
Allan: "I can't really get that far from place to place by riding Susan."
Mark: "How about the Magic School Bus? That's pretty cool."
Rob: "Or in Mark's case, the short Magic School Bus."
Allan: "Can we drive over little kids in the Peaslee Van?"
Rob: "Only if you're driving. And really drunk. And wearing a Quake T-shirt."
Allan: "Can you hide the bong and put away the crack addicts we locked in here? Oh, and make sure you change the paper under the freshmen."
Jawaad: "Can you kill his e-mail account?"
Rob: "But we can kill you."
Sarah: "And make it look like you fell off the roller coaster by accident."
Rob: "Someone was telling me that there was a murder in a microtel. Someone
cut some guy's head off and put it in the ice machine."
Bing: "We should totally do that."
Sarah: "We could steal the head."
Susan: "That would be good for the table at the activities fair."
Sonya: "The specs sitting behind us were commenting on you."
Rob: "What did they say?"
Sonya: "They were just giggling and pointing at you."
Bing: "We won Nats!"
Aviva: "These are just UPenn trophies, and I asked him not to do that."
Allan: "I would like to thank all of the people who don't do sleazy shit on the circuit: Phil. Moving on..."
Sarah: "There were about 2 minutes of the topless horseback pageant on HBO, but no one wanted to shell out fifteen bucks for 'Do My Slutty Wife.'"
Bing: "I saw something Friday night and they were definitely naked."
Allan: "Do you guys know how a crematorium works? You have this really hot oven. Occasionally you have to throw dead people in it."
Bing: "Allan, were you on anything?"
Allan: "I had spent the entire weekend with Hassidic Jews."
Phil: "So you were high on a lot of 'God-lovin.'"
Rob: "Imagine you're a judge who's stoned out of his mind and has never experienced Bing..."
Bing: "Fucking Commie bastard! I'm going to go bomb his ass!"
Bing: "It's all Aviva. She was doing cocaine before coming here."
Allan: "I'm going to miss this... (to Mark) Except for you. I'm not going to miss you."
Sarah: "I'm really not a communist. Well, sort of... depending on how you define it."
Phil: "Allan has the cult of personality, while I am both exotic and menacing."
Phil: "Allan was made fun of while I just sat there in the chair and said nothing."
Phil: "Rob's a one-hit wonder. He's got bitterness, but what else?"
Phil: "Allan's aloof and a little elitist. He's French... he's also a drunkard and a little sketchy."
Phil (about Allan): "If we were to have sex with each other, we would have the Ubermann of Nietzsche."
Sarah: "While we laughed at Allan, we never really laughed with Allan. At least when Rob makes fun of Chris, we're all laughing with him, and that's a good start."
Sarah: "We've overspent our budget more than they did."
Allan: "Point of 'Your treasurer's a pussy!'"
Sarah: "We let you hang out and have more fun than the boy who doesn't even drink."
Allan: "Point of 'I consume more alcohol than both of you combined!'"
Allan: "How many laws have you broken in the van? I've broken more."
Rob: "Flowers are good. Be happy."
Phil: "I'd just like to point out that they bear responsibility for Bing."
Ryan: "I'm having impure thoughts about each one of you: you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and you. Sorry, not you, Chris."
Ryan (about Sonya and Aviva): "They ran a round on pre-marital sex and won the
tournament with it."
Sonya: "Wasn't it your case?"
Ryan: "Yes! It was the worst case ever! Why did you run it?"
Sonya: "I could start thinking impure thoughts about everybody in the room. (to Rob) I already had them about you."
Sonya (to Bing): "I'm imagining you in a little ballerina tutu tied with silk
scarves to a bed, with me in a dominatrix outfit drizzling chocolate sauce all
over your body-"
Jawaad: "-and Dan videotaping."
Bing: "Ryan, you are a sexy motherfucker, and I have a question: will you marry me?"