What the hell is going on between Paul and Roban and how can I get in on it?
I never get lucky. How come you always score Paul?
-Roban, in reference to foosball
Only Paul would get cocky about Phallica.
I think eccentric is good, it's like espresso.
[The Crum] wouldn't be polluted if it weren't for the fact that people dump stuff in there.
-Eric, stating a profound truth
Mistress Overdone: How now? What's the news with you?
Pompey: Yonder man is carried to prison.
Miss. O: Well! What has he done?
Pompey: A woman.
Miss. O: But what's his offense?
Pompey: Groping for trouts, in a peculiar river.
-William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure I,ii,78-83
Alyssa: Don't you have homework to do?
Roban: Yeah, but I'm not farting my sandals.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbors.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's…measurment?
-Alyssa, being Freudianly illiterate
Though shalt not covet thy neighbors ass…Come on, everybody needs their own donkey! Paul, I envy your ass.
-Roban, on the seven deadly sins
I want what's in his pants.
-Akira to Tony
Sex in the corner--Nook Nookie
When you gotta blow, you gotta blow.
Oh, please stop sucking.
Nori: So, are you no longer a boy scout?
All Else: No, he's a man scout!
Krista: I thought that was your job, Megan.
I'm going upstairs to get my ID.
-Megan, telling us just a little more than we wanted to know…
Just leave you ego upstairs.
How many licks does it take to penetrate the fundamentalist exterior of Shi'a extremism?
Iran is like a Tootsie Pop: hard on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside.
-Dr. Stephen Bensch
The world may never know.
All this which was done and spoken against Giovanni's safety by Giovanni was so powerful that his chaste spirit was deflected to lust after her so that willy nilly he went several times to her house and there he fulfilled her perfidious desire.
-The Society of Renaissance Florence, doc. num. 132
We're both he-robin now.
-She-Robyn on the difficulties and gender-bending confusions presented by the necessity that women learn the men's dance steps when there are too few guys on the dance floor, especially when Nori can't write a non-run on sentence to save her ass.
What is it with men and women? Gender? I don't understand!
Roban illustrating Gulliver extinguishing the fire on the palace via urinating on it. (With sound effects too)
How do you know it's a bear in the bush and not your roommate in the bush?
-Dr. Allen Schneider
You remember your roommate hides in bushes, and smells and squeaks like a bear.
-Dr. Allen Schneider
I'm glad you don't smell and squeak like a bear, Farid.
Ultimate is not really an instrument, it's more of an art.
You have a firm grasp of the obvious, Eric.
-Mike, upon Eric's noticing that apple butter is not ketchup.
Claire: Slim Jim?
My grandmother's big toe...
-Megan, beginning a story
Look Ed, the protoss!!
Let's get you out of these uncomfortable clothes...
-the "other" members of the hall
Paul: Roban, are those 8 D-sized batteries in your pocket or...
Roban: ...am I just happy to see myself in the mirror?
It's not designed to be handicapped accessible, it's dead people accessible.
-Studley Mike Dudley in reference to Arlington Nat' Cemetery
-Roban, trying to turn Paul on at dinner
You know...tetris has completely influenced the way I pack.
-Alyssa, staring at her suitcase
I am the (tape) fairy.
A naked Eric would be really funny.
Megan: Come in here! Look at his terrifying thing!
Roban: What is it?
Alyssa: It's Rishi!!! AAHHH!!!
Ted: I'm such a backstabber. I'm in both clubs. (Republican and Democrat)
Roban: Why are you in both clubs?
Ted: I'm bi.
Girl: Sanjay, do you have safety pins?
Sanjay: Safety pins? What's that?
I don't like…having to leave Alyssa's bed.