|Lodge Deux 2000 - 2001 Quotes||back|
"We need a hall quote board." -Nori
"Yeah, but it'd probably get flooded out." -Jon S
"I think Laurel needs to work at [the Maison de Sade]-cooking, bitch-slapping: all her favorite activities!"
"The logical part of my brain can't figure out why the other part of my brain is, like, hmm, nice ass!"
"They need to get rid of that fence thing so you could walk straight across; on the other hand, you could keep Nori in there."
"I wanna vote for Nader! ? I think I'll put that in my category of generally bad impulses, along with 'I want Paul' and 'I want to smoke up the night before a physics test'."
"I hate boys." -Kasia
"I hate boys. Wait a minute, I sound just like Kasia." -Sarah Kate
"You're in Illicit Desires [in literature]? I didn't know that!" -Nori, 8.X.2000
"Yeah. I have lots of illicit desires." -Laurel
"I don't think playing the saxophone is cooler than playing any other instrument ? because the people I know who play it are obnoxious-Justin, Bill Clinton ?"
"I love how I look with my eyes crossed and my tongue sticking out. I'm not kidding. I tend to think I look really sexy like that. I'm like, I would want me!"
"I think that's why purity tests are so popular [at Swarthmore]-because it's the only thing we can score high on here."
"But my pants have a hole in them." -Laurel
"Good, then you can play with yourself while you write your paper." -Jenny
"Unfortunately, I only have two hands." -Laurel
"Now you know why I'm a one-hand typer." -Jenny
"But it takes you so much longer! I could finish my paper and masturbate in my bed for 6 hours while you're still hunting and pecking for the Q!" -Laurel, 12.X.2000
"I found a use for Todd, but I forgot what it is."
-There is something wrong with the Y chromosome
-It's always the boy's fault
-Don't get on a boat if you want a bicycle ride!
"I have time to knit a scarf!"
-Laurel, completely deluding herself and losing all concept of time, 18.X.2000
"The Dialogues of Plato! An apple!"
-Laurel, listing the contents of her floor, 18.X.2000
Rolery (3:28 PM): do [you] know where my belt is?
n0r1 (3:28 PM): i'm wearing it
Rolery (3:28 PM): hmmm. because i'm wearing your pants and i need it.
Rolery (3:29 PM): i stole kasia's.
-September 22, 2000
"It's like when you have a crush on someone and you go home just so you can change your socks, just so you can change your shoes, just so you can walk somewhere where that person might see you."
Rachel B, date uncertain
"Can I rant about the SQU party? It's sketchy as fuck-all!"
-Laurel, inadvertently appropriately, on the "Eyes Wide Shut" party, 23.X.2000
"Isn't that what college is? First grade, except with hard shit."
"You're all a bunch of murderous dorks."
"As far as I'm concerned, any man who has emotional needs is a wuss."
"Duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and holds the universe together."
"What, you think I'm going to spend all night in Abram Falk's room? Whee."
-Laurel, 29.X.2000, who didn't actually return until an hour and a half later
"Does everyone in college squeak?" -Alexis
"No, just Sarah Kate. And Nori. And Laurel." -Jenny, 29.X.2000
"Dude, sometimes the things we do to our bodies just blow my mind. Like, what's this whole college thing?!"
"You know how you have Cabbage Patch dolls or Barbies or whatever, and they're all basically the same kind of thing, like Cabbage Patch dolls are all cute, and Barbies are all pseudo-sexy, and they have ethnic versions, like Asian Barbie or Black Barbie or whatever, but they're still Asian Pseudo-sexy or Black Pseudo-sexy? You [Emily C] and Leah [Z] are like that for cute - you're Midwestern cute, and she's Jewish cute."
Short list of things that make you hungry:
* swimming on the swim team
* smoking up
* canvassing for Gore
"Whoa! Back the anorexia truck up!"
-Amelia, 10 November 2000
"Ok, pretend this brush is a tennis racket."
-Phil, 10 November 2000
"Hey guys, Jenny is getting it on with the oven." -Spiegel
"Amelia, did you say something about wanting to get it on with me? Well, come in here with the oven." -Jenny
"I hear the oven puts out." -Andrew, 10 November 2000
"Milk me up."
-Spiegel, 10 November 2000
"We could have dinner parties every Friday night and drunken orgies every Saturday night!-We could fucking cut cocaine on the first floor!"
-Jenny, on what a Nori-Jenny-Laurel Spring '02 Lodge would be like, 13.XI.2000
"If you take him on, we've got your back." -Jenny
"Yeah, if you're winning we'll join in and if you're losing we'll run the hell away from there." -Abigail
"Sounds like American foreign policy." -Alyssa, 11.XI.2000
"I'm going to hang this [shirt] in the bathroom and see how clean it gets by morning."
"I am the sperm that slipped through the hole in the condom of the admissions process, and I am now gestating in the womb that is Swarthmore. Only my mother likes to do lots and lots of crack cocaine, and drink gallons of Jim Beam, so it's a toxic womb. I'm not dumb; I'm just Swarthmore's crack baby."
-Laurel and Amelia, 19.XI.2000
"By that logic, you could put Perry on your list of people to date." -Jenny
"Laurel said exactly the same thing last night!"
n0r1 (1:52:53 AM): i've got to rethink my life and stop doing this halfassed thing.
SchakAttack (1:53:15 AM): Just be fullassed and don't sleep.
-November 22, 2000
Eudora: "I'm not the messiah!"
Nori: "Laurel, are you the messiah?"
Jenny: "Joel, are you the messiah? I think you're the most likely candidate here."
-November 27, 2000
"If it were meant to be cooked on it would have been called a flip-and-cook, or maybe a cook-and-fuck."
-Jenny tells Galen why he shouldn't make chocolate chip cookies on the flip-and-fuck
"I have flour in my cleavage. Somebody had to say it." -Laurel
"Galen and Abram are having problems with that too." -Jenny
29 November 2000
"Nori, your butt is looking very cute today. It's very small and perky."
-Jenny, 30 November 2000
"Flashing Brett was fun, but it doesn't satisfy that deeper need in me."
"He's given up on culturalism and moved on to beer."
-Abram on Brett, 2 December 2000
"Cut football, cut SQU, what's happening here?" -Nori
"Swarthmore's converging on the middle, just like American politics." -Jenny
-2 December 2000
"Our kitchen is Venice-the center of culture, but also a place of water."
-Jenny, 3.XII.2000, on the propensity of our kitchen to flood, and our rebellion from its nickname "Dresden" in the Chuck-Wayne-Greg years.
"No sex in the pantry. No sex in the gondolas, either."
-Laurel, 3.XII.2000, on the recently-christened kitchen "Venice"
"So I thought, aww, poor Galen, all alone cleaning up with a busted knee. And then I thought, I want to sleep."
-Laurel the Compassionate, December 9, 2000
"There's so much cleavage in this picture that I can't even see your face!"
-Heather, 16.XII.2000, about Jenny in Nori's dress
"Aack! There are ducks in the toilet!"
-Kasia, 17 December 2000
"Man, we look like Sixteen Feet."-Jenny, on the flannel shirts she and Nori are wearing
"We should get up and fucking sing Donne or something." -Nori, 17 December 2000
"It's hard to join [frisbee] in the spring. I tried to join [frisbee] last Spring and it was really hard." -Laurel
"'Course, last spring, you hadn't really caught on to the whole go-to-practice thing." -Jenny, 17.XII.2000
" 'Oh, I have a headache' as opposed to 'Oh, I have a brain tumor.'"
-Ben, 18 December 2000
"It occurs to me that I might be the best-equipped but least-organized person ever."
"Hey. Hold still so I can pick up my snowball and throw it at you."
-Paul to Laurel, 19 December 2000
n0r1 (2:03:18 PM): okay wanna hear my crazy scheme?
Lunsteads (2:03:40 PM): yeah. shoot
n0r1 (2:03:43 PM): are these cool? the brown ones?
n0r1 (2:03:54 PM): okay, graduate from swat with a double major in linguistics and music, not having burnt out in either
n0r1 (2:04:07 PM): ($26.99 cool?)
n0r1 (2:04:15 PM): then go to boston
Lunsteads (2:04:25 PM): smooch! hee hee. I love you Nori, here I am waiting for a serious / crazy academic / personal plan, and you send me a catalog entry!
n0r1 (2:04:47 PM): and get a PhD in linguistics from MIT (Noam Chomsky!) at the same time as i get a master's in music from New England Conservatory (Kim Kashkashian!)
n0r1 (2:04:55 PM): there's my crazy academic plan. AND cool boots :-)
Lunsteads (2:05:07 PM): I think it sounds fabulous!
n0r1 (2:05:27 PM): the boots, too? i want ... :-)
Lunsteads (2:06:03 PM): and you might want to do the music, then the pHD, or vice versa
Lunsteads (2:06:41 PM): and It is, to use Laurel's words, totally ridiculous the way our discussions of boots and higher education are intertwined here
n0r1 (2:06:45 PM): i know. hehe. but they're both in boston, and kim kashkashian won't stay at NEC forever, and i have to be DOING viola, and Noam Chomsky might DIE.
n0r1 (2:06:51 PM): hehe, i know.
n0r1 (2:06:55 PM): but both are really cool.
Lunsteads (2:07:33 PM): and Death is definitely bad.
Lunsteads (2:09:04 PM): and by death, I mean death of famous linguists before Nori gets to study with them. Though death in general is bad
-January 9, 2001
"Is 'Ironic' [by Alanis Morrissette] an album or something?" -Nori
"I'm finding this a little ironic, in a Morrissette kind of way." -Rockwell Church
"Oh! I get it now!" -Nori, 20 December 2000
" 'Merry Christmas, Jessica'? ? 'Happy Hanukah, Jessica'? ? 'Happy Solstice, Jessica'?" -Allison
"I don't know-what do you celebrate?" -Nori
"I don't know; I forget!" -Allison, 21.XII.2000
"I want like seventeen kitty cats with no legs so they can't get out of bed."
-Rachel B, 22.XII.2000
"The most terrible thing happened ? I needed a specific kind of chocolate that can generally only be found in malls."
-Galen, January 21, 2001, 4:25 AM
"I'm not half as excited for Nori to get back as I am for her computer to get back."
-Laurel the Compassionate, January 21, 2001, 4:25 AM
"It sounds like the name of a circus performer ? (with flourish) And now! The flying minestrone!"
-Jenny, January 21, 2001, 4:25 AM
"So how many people have you hooked up with at Swat, Alyssa?" -Jenny
"I'm not telling." -Alyssa
"Was it higher or lower than your purity test score?" -Jenny, 21 January 2001
"Is there anything Rabi W doesn't do? She writes poetry good enough to get into the poetry workshop, she's an astrophysics major, she plays rugby, she's a WA, and she's vegan. Oh! and she has hair down past her ass!"
-Laurel, 24 January 2001
"Kasia came out of the first [Renaissance Sexualities] class saying, 'I think I was the only one in there who didn't know what sodomy was.'"
-Sarah Kate, 24 January 2001
"Why don't I have any talent?!" -Laurel
"Laurel, all you need is a daily planner." -Phil, 25 January 2001
"As Bathsheba was to David, so am I to the Worth Courtyard."
-Nori, January 27, 2001 (can i quote myself? :-) [yes. -L])
"I have to have something to do!"
-Laurel, 28.I.01, on why she likes "pushing Nori's buttons" (quotes to satisfy ari)
"Forks slip into a nebulous void, like so many pairs of socks."
-Abram, February 3, 2001
"Do you think 'cute' is the good version of 'impractical'?"
-Alyssa, February 3, 2001
"It's that second-semester sophomore year thing."
-Claire, on the abundance of new couples
"WHAT second-semester sophomore year thing?!" -Laurel
"Didn't you know? This is when you write your sophomore paper and fall in love. Then, when you write your thesis, you have a baby."
-Alyssa, 6 February 2001
"I feel that lying in a tangle of warm soft people being fed chocolate-covered fruit is the apex of something."
-Laurel, February 9, 2001
"Oh my god, it's beirut with a basketball."
-Claire, on encountering a game of four-square in the willets first lounge and drawing the logical conclusion from the locale, February 10, 2000
"it was ... occasionally in 4/4."
-Alyssa on Medeski, Martin, & Wood, February 10, 2001
"oh wait a minute, that's not cannabis, that's cheesy perfume!"
-Chris G, on the scent wafting in with Petar from willets basement, February 10, 2000
"Just don't eat anything really awful [when you're just craving food], like chocolate."
"Then the first thing we should do is move the chocolate tart out of my room." -Jenny, February 11, 2001
"I'm fond of EJ, in that 'I don't really know you except through people I used to not date' kind of way."
-Laurel in her notes file, date uncertain; added 15 February 2001
"I can't go more than a week without play."
-Kasia, 16 February 2001
"I hate all-you-can-eat, because I try to eat all I can."
-Emily, 18 February 2001
"You two are the same person!" -Jenny
"Don't say that, I'll shoot myself." -Nori
"Don't say that, I'll shoot Nori." -Laurel, 18 February 2001
"Galen: ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous." -Audrey, 19 February 2001
"I'm going to goddamn have a child right now! The answer? I'm just going to go out and have sex. That'll solve my problems."
-Kasia, 21 February 2001
"Oh my god, they're drinking beer out of a frisbee. That would be like members of the orchestra drinking beer out of their violins."
-Phil, 23 February 2001
"At one point we had Brahms on the stereo, ducks in the toilet, and The Guide to Getting it On perched on the radiator."
"Yeah, that last one was a problem, because I never got off the toilet."
-Jenny, 24 February 2001
"Laurel, you're not going to get anything done by turning into an elephant."
-Alyssa, 26 February 2001
"But Dana and Hallowell don't go together like penis and vagina!"
-Jenny, 26 February 2001
"I just thought of a great quote: I am Kasia, therefore I am perfect."
-Kasia, 2 March 2001
"Why?" -Sarah Kate
"Because boys suck!" -Kasia
"But Amelia, FAITH comes before FUCK!"
-Jenny, trying to get Grapevine to guess her middle name based on its alphabetical proximity to the word FUCK, March 1, 2001
"Fortunately, I would look terrible with a nose stud." -Laurel, 6.III.2001
"I haven't changed since third grade! I love me!"
-Nori, reading a story she'd typed up verbatim from Allison's rendition of the Purim story
"You have to write that on the quote board so next time I'm really pissed off at Nori, I can say [squeaky voice], 'I haven't changed since third grade! I love me!' [pantomimes beating the shit out of Nori, who's lying helpless from paroxysms of laughter on the floor] -Jenny, 6.III.2000
"Stop grabbing my breast!" -Laurel, trying to grab her belt from Jenny's waist
"Get your breasts away from me!" -Jenny
"I only grabbed your breasts because they were approaching my head!" -Jenny (6.III.2001)
"You don't understand! I wasn't mooing, I was having a cow!" -Jenny
"My cow is more legitimate than yours! You don't know who your cow's father is!" -Laurel
"I do too know who my cow's father is! It's Nori!" -Jenny (6.III.2001)
"We need to reprint the printable quote board more often, just to keep abreast." -Jenny
"So to speak...." -Laurel, 6 March 2001
"That's why we need boys around more often." -Jenny
"Why, to eat the leftovers?" -Nori
"Yeah-boys, or a dog." -Jenny, March 9, 2001
"Galen, you have to speak. You can't just vibrate."
-Alyssa, 13 March 2001
"My exhaustion is cock-blocking my logic control deck."
-Amelia, 24 March 2001
"I'm not sure what my emotions are about pumpkin pie."
-Laurel, 24 March 2001, representative of things often said by most lodge members
It's time for you to be less self-aware.
-Amelia, 24 March 2001
"I'm going to sit in class and feel myself up and pretend I'm Andrew B."
-Jenny, March 27, 2001, wearing Nori's purple velvet bra
"I love Nori because you think she's all classy and cultured, and then you find out that her idea of gourmet peanut butter is the Jif over the Skippy."
-Jenny, March 29, 2001
"You know how you see someone you like and you think, 'Oh, I like that person. I should to talk to them.' And on your way over you think of three things, and you say them, and you leave, and you realize that wasn't what you meant to do at all. You meant to go over and sit around and talk for a long time, and reveal all your personal secrets, but instead, you said, 'Oh goodness, the weather. I have lots of work. Are you going to the play tonight?'"
-Laurel on unsuccessful flirtation at Swat, 30 March 2001
"You can really tell that this was written by a man."
-Laurel, on The Guide to Getting it On
"What, the Bible?" -Ben, sometime March 2001
"I can too find things. I found several things just today."
-Laurel, 31 March 2001
"You can't nail that to the door." -Laurel
"Why not?" -Nori
"You're not Martin Luther." -Laurel, 1 April 2001
Jenny tries to get out of bed. Falls over. Finds self on floor, curtain in hand, and can't figure out what she's doing there, but is incapable of standing up.
"Jenny, you can't make me laugh. I don't have the coherence to laugh intelligently."
-Laurel, 2 April 2001, 2:43 AM
"I love that I got sunburned today." -Jenny
"I wish I didn't have tape on my face." -Hedda, 5 April 2001, after covering her face with tape
"I think that Sierra, while in herself a cool person, is an agent of destruction in my life."
- Laurel, 9 April 2001
"Contrary to popular belief, you are perhaps not exactly the same person as Sierra"
-- Jenny, 9 April 2001
"Laurel, i think you have a tendency to hyperbolize." -- Nori
"Ha ha! You have to put that on the quote board!" -- Jenny
"Jenny, on some nights you think everything has to go on the quote board." - Laurel
"I know, especially on nights when I'm stoned!" -- Jenny, completely sober, 9 April 2001
"It's kind of like ants on a log, except it's ants in a tree, except without the ants."
-- Nori, on broccolli and peanut butter, 10 April 2001
"Bad frisbee player. Bad jew."
-Laurel, walking across the frisbee field, not at practice, carrying a box of treif (bread), during Passover
"There are too many Peters in my life! Peter W, Peter M, Peter Y, Peter Vella ..."
"It's like carbohydrates."
-Laurel on romantic relationships, 8 May 2001
"Will you always be my fruits and vegetables?"
-Alyssa to Laurel, 8 May 2001
"It's like your blood, staring at you and holding chalk and wearing shoes."
-Jenny B, 17 May 2001
"I'm just going to have one bite [of Ben & Jerry's Southern Pecan Pie ice cream], Tim's allergic to nuts."
ten seconds later:
"Actually, I think I'll have some more of that and brush my teeth."
-Eve, 19 May 2001
"Oh! I thought it was like some kind of arts and crafts project!"
-Amelia, trying to figure out what the outdoor Beirut table was at greenbottle, 19 May 2001