...And then we did TLC together.

David

A person is like a second-order differential equation.

Caleb

Ah, you're retarded. We have a viola for you.

Kam

All we need is verification.

David

Well, I can tell you that it's right. But that won't mean it is.

Katie

As a male at Swarthmore, I feel more comfortable exposing myself than ever before.

Petar

Can I buy a slice for a dollar?

Dave Murphy

No, but you can lick the grease for free!

Katie

Carrie is living proof that all ballet dancers are not anorexic.

Ben

Carrie, can I build a bridge with Bonobos and their sex habits- that's what I want to know.

David

Carrie, I bash you out of love.

David

Castration is never too much.

Toby

Come on, write it. Write 'I hate you all.' It'll be really funny.

Nadav

Did we find any more people who want to fuck me?

Jon

Do you know where you're going? The seventh circle of hell. Right next to the sodomites.

Jon, to his ex-girlfriend

Don't I just give off "I'm-carrying-the-child-of-God" vibes?

Hilary

Don't you remember when she popped?

Hilary, regarding the Virgin Mary

Gay Butt Sex!!

Jon

Half the guys I think are hot are cartoons.

Kyra

Hey Christian, we'd better drink these fast. I've got a sudden urge to make Molotov cocktails.

Mark the pacifist

I am fascinated by the monkey.

Lindsay

I can do it better with all of my clothes on.

Katie, on dart playing

I can't control my ass. I can't control Nadav's ass. I've tried.

Jon

I could be sober if I wanted to be. I mean, I could appear sober. Big difference.

Nadav

I don't expect to get any pussy, so it's not like it's a real date or anything.

Petar

I don't own any pimp-ass pants.

Katie

I had a very scary dream about simple harmonic motion once.

Katie

I haven't done anything with my hands this semster…

Caleb

I know how much Dan likes a warm bed.

Hilary

I know it's wrong, but it's the only way I can think.

Greg

I love alcohol.

Petar

I once kicked a girl in the head so hard that her nose started to bleed. She offended my sense of justice. I was young. I had a strong sense of justice.

Caleb

I once realized that I knew more powers of 2 than phone numbers of the opposite sex.

Ben

I walked back with her because two drunk minds are better than one.

David

I want to be hunted down and killed for my dick.

Mark

I was so happy when I came back, I was like, 'yippee!'

Carrie

I wasn't innocent, but I've learned a lot from Petar.

Nicolle

I would like to dissect my little sister.

Petar

I wouldn't get up for Hilary, and I won't get up for you.

Ben, to Kam

I wouldn't survive a riot. I'm not riot material.

Jon

I'd rather be alone than nauseous.

Hilary's mom, giving her dating advice

I'd sponge you with some vinegar, Abigail.

Kam

If you don't like the way things are here, quit whining and move to Canada.

Toby

I'm a big girl.

Greg, giving us new insight into his life

I'm a diplomat! I'm the epitome of the upper class.

Petar

I'm a garbage disposal. Think of me that way.

Jon

I'm far too tired to actually put my clothes back on.

Katie

I'm not going to visit you in the hospital if you pluck out both your eyes.

Dan, to Greg

I'm still trying to recover from waking up to butt sex.

Matthew

I'm the Japanesest person I know.

Caleb

Is it 5:45?

No, it's quarter to six.

Nicolle

Is it Friday?

Mark

No, it's Sunday night.

Christian (said on Wednesday)

Is this my room?

Nicolle

It isn't what it is…

Carrie

It's not like I'm a heroin addict or anything.

Katie

It's okay to decapitate strangers.

Kam

I've heard that people taste like pork.

Petar

Let's just screw God for now.

Petar

Look how sad I am.

Greg

Look how little I care.

Kam

I'm much more sad than you not caring.

Greg

Lookin' good, Dave!

Petar

Never get a sex change and live in Parrish.

Dan, advising Hilary and Nicolle

Oh my God! Kierkegaard!

David

Oh my God. It's poop in a box.

Nicolle

Oh my. He has me by the ear.

Greg talking, Caleb holding

People come up to me and say, "My God, you look like a power-hungry, bloodthirsty polygamist."

Kyra

Petar, come on! No, harder!

Nicolle

Put on some fucking pants-- this ain't a rodeo!

Petar

So, you wanna do it?

Hilary

That was forward.

Mark

That's not my style. I just can't see myself haunting anyone.

Katie

That's what I love most about Europe… the kissing.

Nicolle

These boots are hurting my one toe.

Greg, mysteriously missing digits

Though I may try, my ass cannot reproduce with you.

Jon, to Hilary

Throw a dart at me.

Caleb

Under my clothes- Phallus Boy! Dun-dun!

Dan

Under my clothes, you can't touch me!

Dan

We need a new winter sport, The Men's Downhill Masturbation Event.

Petar and Mark

We're the guys, aren't we? I thought the withdrawal was supposed to be ours.

Petar

What are the benefits of not killing someone?

Petar

What do you get when you cross Jon's ass with Hilary?

Nadav

What if Mel Gibson were actually a eunuch? Would you sleep with him then?

Toby

Yes.

Carrie (she had already agreed to do so unconditionally)

Why is the quote board turning into the Incriminate Petar Board?

Petar

Will you move the Click screen a little over to the right so I can watch you play without moving my head?

Greg, to Katie

Yo, get your toe behind the line there, dart girl.

Greg, to Hilary

You can't spell 'fun' without alcohol.

David

You have my sympathy.

David

Thanks, but I'd rather have your ling homework.

Katie

You know what you do? Oh no… wait… that's to cure warts.

Katie

You look like a frog.

Katie, to Hilary

You mozo-bozo.

Carrie

You should wax your legs. Then, when you're 30, the hair won't grow because it's scared.

Katie, to Nicolle

Your menstrual cycle isn't exactly my favorite topic, but we can talk about it.

Ben, to Nicolle

You're not writing that horrible thing I said about it all being Asian, are you?

Greg

You're threatening, in the way something small and poisonous is.

Kam, to Hilary