august 18, 1999.

wednesday.

so it's been months since i wrote in my web journal, or really updated my page at all. i've been working on a totally new design, which is exciting, but not quite exciting enough to actually get me to finish it and launch it. i don't know, so i was sitting here and felt like i should try to offer some sort of explanation for the lack of web communication.

and i could just say that i've been travelling, and that i've been too busy, and that wouldn't be lying. i was in hawaii and then korea for three weeks, then back in dekalb for two days, then in maine for four weeks, and now i'm back in dekalb, and getting ready really soon to go back to swarthmore. which i'm sort of looking forward to, though i'm not totally ready.

but i think another reason why i've been writing more than ever in my real journal, and totally ignoring my webpage, is that i haven't been needing it as muc lately. i've been loving the ways that my actual relationships have been growing and changing this summer - mostly with my family, but with some friends too. maybe that's what my new design, which is very pretty, much better organized, and maybe will be launched some time before the year 2000 "when all the computers will crash cuz the best scientists in the world forgot to make em read zero"(dan bern) is all about. it tells more about me, objectively, but in some ways allows me to keep more of a distance from the website.

i've just been realizing this summer a lot that there are so many things that are really important to me, and that i only want to tell certain people about them. i don't know how to explain this without it sounding antisocial. that's not what it's about. maybe it's like, how when you're a little kid and you blow out the birthday candles or you see the first star, people say that you can't tell your wish or it won't come true. i've been feeling like some of my wishes, or fears, or loves, are better held close.

that doesn't mean i don't want to tell stories of myself on the web. in fact, that's what i'm calling my new page (if i ever get around to launching it) - stories. i guess it just means i want to think more before i put them out here.


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