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I've noticed a pattern in my life. I want to write it down so that I remember it. The last four people I have gone out with (or am going out with) has brought the issue of drug use into my life. One had major problems with drugs in the past. Two used a lot in the past but then decided that they weren't completely worth it- meaning they still use sometimes. One hadn't used in the past but decided to experiment.
That's their history; now here's mine: Most of the people I dated up to twelfth grade did not use at all. In fact they were against drug and alcohol use altogether, mostly because they were athletes. Those who did use only lasted for a very short time. Not just because of drug/alcohol use but also because of incompatibility. Then as soon as I hit twelfth grade it seems like everyone was either doing it or had done it already. It got kind of hard because I would really like someone but then they would smoke weed or something. If I ever saw someone smoking it would be an automatic turnoff so I never really crushed on a cigarette smoker. When I got to college alcohol joined the picture. Then it seemed like everyone did one or the other or both.
Now my questions are: Is there anyone who doesn't? Should it really matter to me? What is the big deal with weed and alcohol anyway? Why is it that people say it's a waste of time and then go and do it anyway? If it is such a waste of time then people wouldn't do it... so why do they? What do they get out of it? What is my big problem with it? Is it getting into trouble or being against it for health reasons? What about weed and alcohol scare me? Why don't cigarettes scare me? How come I can say that I do not want to go out with a smoker and have that be acceptable but if I say I don't want to go out with a drinker I'm looked at funny? How much can I ask of someone I'm going out with? Would it be cool (acceptable? appropriate? understandable?) for me to marry a smoker and ask that they not smoke around me? or our kids if we had them? What if I didn't want to marry someone because they smoke? Is that okay? Going back to the recurring theme idea... Why is it that I must deal with this issue now? How come it keeps coming back in my life? Why is it so upsetting for me? How should I deal with it? What steps can I make to better understand this issue of mine? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That felt good.