"The Witch of Agnesi"
lyrics by Benjamin Newman
ttto: "The Witch of the Westmoreland" by Archie Fisher

/: D-- G D G / D ABm G A :/

A well-schooled geometer sat in a tavern hall
When from the table next to his two men to him did call
A harper and an archer we, each on a hopeless quest
Between us two come tell us true whose story is the best

The harper began his tale: I once boasted I could sing
So clear my harp would answer though I never touched a string
Then up spoke a maiden fair: Any bard can sing like that!
But will it answer quite so well if the note be sharp or flat?

Let X be one harp-string's length, and Y another such
And, in terms of these, would you tell me, please, it resonates how much?
Until you this problem solve, your heart shall never rest!
It's a riddle's worse than a witch's curse that's set me on this quest

And when the harper's tale was told, the archer did exclaim:
Aye, sure it's true, I've met her, too, and my tale is just the same!
I once boasted I could shoot, blind-fold and spun about
An arrow at a nearby fence and hit a certain spot

Then up spoke a maiden fair: Can you tell me the chance
For every board along that fence, that it's where your arrow lands?
Until you this problem solve, your heart shall not know peace!
That's a riddle worse than a witch's curse, and as bad as yours, at least!

The geometer laughed out loud: A witch's curse indeed!
With a witch like that it's the pointy hat that holds the witch's rede
How wide was the hat's flat brim, how high the pointed peak?
There's none but the Witch of Agnesi knows the answers that you seek!

His napkin he laid out flat, saying: I learned this in school
As they watched in awe, he began to draw with his compass and his rule
He plotted out a set of points, and joined them all with care
And no sooner was the curve complete than the witch was standing there

The archer and the harper gasped, but neither had the nerve
To tell the maiden to her face that she made a lovely curve
But to the geometer, she said: Hail and blessed be
There's none can fool one who went to school with the Witch of Agnesi!