"The Real Story of Chanukah" lyrics and music by Benjamin Newman / C - F C / F - G - / F C G C / / Once upon a time there was a proud and pompous tyrant Who desired to be worshipped as a god In a corner of his empire lived our pure and pious people Who refused to give said tyrant half the semblance of a nod / F C G C / F - G - / F G C FC / F G C - / Well, except for quite a lot, who were attracted by the good points Of said empire's trade, philosophy and art And, since words like "multiculturalism" hadn't been invented yet Our people was divided in its heart So the people who were pious fought the people who had sided With the tyrant's empire's culture, and they won But the tyrant's empire's soldiers had defiled the holy temple So the pious people saw there was more cleanup to be done But when they had cleansed the temple there was just one jar of oil Just enough to keep the lamp lit for one day But the lamp stayed lit for eight days, a miraculous occurrence Or at least that's what the songs we sing all say But that part about the oil was made up later 'cause our sages Thought it crass that we should celebrate a war Especially since the winners turned out later to be nearly As annoying as the tyrant they'd defeated was before But the story's not about them -- it's about G!d's saving power Which worked through them but was never theirs to wield So it's G!d Whom we should thank for any miracles in this story Both the oil and the victory in the field Even though one's just a story, both these miracles have meaning Which determines why we celebrate, and how If it weren't for the victory, our people might have perished And there'd be nobody here to have this conversation now But the oil represents the light that cannot be extinguished It's the spark of G!d each person has inside Which is what we're celebrating, and, in memory of the oil We still celebrate with food that is deep-fried