"How Can I Keep from Pinging?"
lyrics by Benjamin Newman
ttto: "How Can I Keep from Singing?" by Anne Warner and Rev. R. Lowry

/ D G D A / D G DA D / - - - - / - GD -A D /

My browser churns in endless surf above the Net's congestion
I thrill to hear the modem's cry that hails a new connection
Though all the Net runs rife with worms, the packets still are zinging
I see their echoes on my screen, how can I keep from pinging?

The fellowship of kindred minds, the Net's embrace doth nurture
From usenet group to email list, and fora of the future
I watch my inbox fill with spam, a fountain ever springing
But email binds my heart to friends, how can I keep from pinging?

What tho' one server may be down, yet still the network liveth
What tho' the law on Napster frown, songs in the night it giveth
Tomorrow's Net is coming yet, what gifts will it be bringing?
All things are mine, if they're online, how can I keep from pinging?