"David of the FTC"
lyrics by Benjamin Newman
ttto: "Charlie on the MTA"

/ D - G - / D - A - / 1st / D A D - /

Let me tell you a story 'bout a man named David
As heroic as he can be
Put on a suit and tie, kissed his wife and kid
Went to work for the FTC

He swiped his Fast Pass at the West Portal station
Took the inbound to Market Street
Went to fight against fraud and unfair competition
With an team that just can't be beat

	And he's still on the case
	He's our top legal ace
	And he's really found his place
	He's got a real predilection for consumer protection
	He's the lawyer who's still on the case

He played softball with all his friends from the office
And hardball with all his foes
His foes were dishonest scum who were as dumb as they come
Better pray you're not one of those

	Because he's still on the case
	He's got both eyes on the chase
	And you won't get past third base
	Better take a vacation, or you'll face litigation
	He's the lawyer who's still on the case

For over 42 years he fought monopoly mergers
And protected consumers' rights
Saved American dreams from lots of pyramid schemes
Not to mention caffeinated tights!

	But now he's off of the case
	He was our top legal ace
	And he'll be hard to replace
	His briefs were inspiring, but now he's retiring
	He's the lawyer who's off of the case