may 9

this room is almost done with... i don't even feel its boundaries anymore, they have become familiar to me in my sleep. next year my space will be smaller, in some ways better (i've always thrived in small enclosures with big outdoors... i even have a hard time falling asleep in a queensize bed). i think about how i will arrange, how the room will flow, whether three feet is enough space above my bed to not be too close. perhaps i'm excited about the new wall that i get to feel out, hoping that they'll bring other new things with them.

talking to josh about classes next year, we envision "technology, self, and society" as potentially amazing. five of us and four people we don't know... things could either be really fun (our familiarity brings everyone closer) or not so fun (we intimidate, or they just don't care as much as we do). we also think about writting up our notes at the end of each day and hyperlinking them together, lots of links... parallel perceptions, ideas, working in different heads. wild. not sure if prof. gergen will like it. it'll be another experiment in faith that we really want more info, connected... i wonder if hypertext is really all that great, if we're just praying and soon we'll realize we were wasting our breath. i want to feel it really change the way i look at things, like it did when i first started doing it, when i had a whole huge site planned to express my view of the world and how it's all interconnected. i lost the vision before i wrote it all out. (this is my new experiment.)

josh comes up with a literary reference that i should read for the class - walter benjamin's art in the age of digital reproduction.

i realize as i'm sitting reading about sufism and rumi, how unattached i am to the beer that i'm drinking, which i sip and then stick back between the couch cushions. i drink it without even thinking about it being there. a what to think of it as some sort of buddhist unattachment... i am barely in the world. it's also why i don't get addicted to things easily... i like the taste, but it is really nothing to me. like if i look at it from the right angle, it'll slip into 2-d, and disappear.

my paper is on why rumi wrote about his mystical experiences... i am removed one step from what he actually wrote (even tho i refer to it)... this is how i feel i am approaching much of the world right now - one step removed. it makes passion a conscious thing. i haven't had my guts wrenched for a while, or when they are, it's brief and disappears with the coming of the sun. as i write this, i think of times when this is not true... hmmm. i don't trust my own assessments... can't talk truthfully about myself... can't touch/taste it... too far way...

alls i know is how beautiful it is outside.

05.08 | may | 05.16