march 29

i knew that spring had officially arrived when wayne, who was spralled out on the grass this afternoon, said "i think i've been waiting three months for that stretch." warmth means eyes wandering towards the blue sky and shoulders descend from around people's ears to relax and soak up yellow-orange sun-lovin and lazy grass-bed catnaps and everyone understands... "what did you do this afternoon?" "well, i was going to do some reading, but, you know..." "ya, i hear ya."

people start to wear less, and that becomes dangerous for me... yes, i admit it, i like to look at exposed skin, and i think that the whole tight clothes trend is a wonderful thing. i have this human body thing... i think it comes from wanting to paint. to be able to recreate a line, you must study it and know it first, become so familiar, almost infatuated, that you can then produce it again with all the splendor of the original. i've never really tried painting... i do photography, but it is not the same to capture a form and then reflect it back, without putting it through you, forgetting about it, returning to it, and setting your own body in motion, not just the mechanations of such a lovely apparatus as the camera. i have studied the lines of the human enough to know which to capture, but i can't yet say that i could give life to my own brushstrokes.

the human form is so beautiful.

physicallity has a lot to do with how i interact with people. i've been thinking about this alot recently... ok, for a long time now. i am afraid that people will think of me and say "oh, well, he's just a flirt," with all the connotations that go with it - shallow, egoistic, attention-starved, insincere, lonely... i do flirt, but that is not how i think about it. i've tried to explain it to people and it never quite works... i believe that people could benefit from being more affectionate and warm to the people around them. think of when someone smiles at you, that is a kind of familiarity that even someone that doesn't know you can afford to give out. when it comes to people you know, a hug or even a touch on the shoulder can be a settling and pleasant thing. people who are made uneasy by this confuse me... i know personal space is sacred, but it is possible to be too protective of it. who knows... i cannot change the world myself, but i have been lucky enough to find people that accept my physicality. wayne's reviving the high-five... there's satisfying resounding contact for ya.

related but un-related... in a religion class someone mentioned exposing things in order to purify them... it makes me think of someone ripping open their shirt and baring their chest to the sky, yelling "clean me of my sins!"... but it needn't be that dramatic. i just love the idea... a line of souls hung over a wooden bench to dry in the sun. getting thoughts off your shoulders... more like, if you make something visible, it's true characteristics can be seen, its virtues and murks... and then they can be rained on or shone upon... i dunno... there's no real point that i'm getting at... it's not about a line of logic and a convincing argument, but instead a jumble of images and adjectives and nouns, out of which anyone can make their own greater, custom-tailored images from my patchwork. a rag'n'bones merchant.

03.27 | march | 03.31