february 12

sitting in class i zoned and thought about how i can change myself. everyone around me is in their own kind of metamorphis, manifested in cut hair and new clothes... i have told people that i doubt how outer change can affect the inner, but now it seems that it is the inner affecting the outer. i too have gone thru a change significant to me, and it is time... it feels right. i want to remove the strings that hang around my neck... not as a freedom thing, more of a release from some superstitions i have, the idea that i will gain power from having these things on without break for a long time. they are a permanence that i cling to, so attached to that is fear if the permanence were broken. so i will travel to providence this weekend, and have amanda remove the ring and necklace that were very symbolic to us a while back. i will not leave them off forever, perhaps i will, nor will they be just plain objects without significance. i will just remove some fear, because it clashes with my newfound peace or understanding.

i think i'll get contacts too... eyes are so important. i hate dealing with glasses.

to embrace change, and better appreciate (relative) permanence. it is part of my continuing journey.

there is a warm wind on campus today... wind cleanses and washes away stagnant places in the air. it pushes gentley on you, carresses you and makes your body whole. and the kiss is constant even as it moves.

one of the best things about poetry is that it doesn't try to explain, but rather, to describe. it doesn't endulge in the search for understanding. and don't get me wrong... i'm wrapped up in this search, and it gives out even handfuls of pain and pleasure. but i poem can be like an open stretch of road to a traveler, with a sky of beauty and the tranquil hypnotism of motion.