Finding out about me.....

** My name is Kerri and I was born on February 12th, 1982-that would make me 18 years old. I am currently a senior in HS.

**I've got many nicknames-Ker, Ker-bear, hooch#2, P.O.Girl, chomper, monica, scorequeen..but you can call me whatever you want;)

**I think about a lot and you could say that i'm constantly questioning things around me. I'm VERY analytical and i analyze whatever it is that is being said to me-especially by guys. I'm not paranoid, but for some reason i'm always thinking that guys have ulterior motives in what they are saying. I don't know why that is. I do have self-confidence but i'd have to say that some guys have had tendencies to bring that down, and i'm just always ready to be dicked over. But i'm a girl, and that's not surprising.

**I'm very up in your face and honest about things. If you ask me for my opinion, i'm definitely gonna give it to you. I don't lie-well not too much. There are just SOME things i believe you have to lie about (which usually involves my parents and what i've been doing). If you ask me personal questions-you're most likely gonna get the answer. I'm VERY open about myself and my life. There's nothing i'm really ashamed of and i think that you can't live life full of regrets. I believe i'm pretty honest with myself, but probably not as honest as I am about others, to others.

**I'm Jewish. I'm not orthodox, i'm not reform, i'm not conservative. I'm just Jewish and that's that. I'm not racist against other religions, and i happen to think they can be interesting-but it just has to do with what i understand. I pretty much can say that i've been told about the differences in the different forms of being christian..or catholic..but basically i have NO idea what the difference is and i can never ever remember. I think Buddhism is cool, but maybe thats just because its the new fad in society today. I try to be a good Jew, but i really am not. I hardly keep the sabbath and I definitely don't keep many of the commandments and laws. I break the laws that i don't understand (or want to) the reason for. Soon i will be getting a tattoo of my hebrew name on my lower back. Yep-what a way to break it.

**My whole life i was overweight. I never knew how to take care of myself so well. I went to private school and was very outgoing and people still liked me. My weight didn't really bother me till i went to public school and had to make new friends. When i hit size 18, 170 pounds at 5 feet tall..i knew it was time to do something about it. I lost most of the weight over a couple years and changed my appearance. I am now size 7/9 (i like the odd numbers), 135 pounds and 5' 4 1/2". My dark brown hair is past my shoulders and straightened/layered and i have blue contacts. *I* think i'm really pretty. You have your right to disagree.

**I'm not really experienced in the relationships department. I'd have to say i've only had 3-4 real boyfriends. Most of my relationships occur during the summer. The past 2 summers, i've gone away to a summer program. Well actually i've been going to camp since i was 10. But I started dating and got my first boyfriend my summer before 11th grade. I guess you could say it totally changed me. I then realized i was not totally disgusting. During my 11th grade year i pretty much either had a boyfriend or was hooking up with different guys. Towards the end of that year I became really wild-drinking. That streak ended when i ended up dating a real alcoholic and saw what it did to his life. Plus I went to Israel this summer and my boyfriend there did have an impact on me changing into a "good girl"..or "better" to say the least..

**I have a lot of friends, but at the same time i dislike a lot of people. Those happen to be most of the kids in my school. I started hanging out with mainly boys my junior year. My group of girls happened to kinda deteriorate and i think i missed it the least. I've always believed girls to be catty and snobby. Actually I know I am. So I avoid girl stuff a lot. I don't really hang out with girls during the school year. Most of my guy friends were seniors and happened to have gone off to college. I hang out with the ones that are left (who happen to be in a band-Granulated Sugar). I'm not popular in my school, i'm hardly there. But i've just taken on the mindset the boys last year had-"everyone at SV sucks"..so yeah..it works.

**I have best friends all over the place. *Jen*-I think she's the other half of my brain..seriously. I love her to death and i don't think ANYBODY knows me as well as she does. Her family is my family. We never ditch each other for guys and i truly believe we are what the term "best friendship" is all about. *Jason Sherman*-Jason was my first boyfriend. He gave me my first spurt of confidence and he was also my first kiss (awww:) )..we dated in camp and he ended it cause of distance (or so i think. he has a distance girlfriend right now actually, so i don't like to dwell or ask for the real reason it ended. i just like to assume it was distance and circumstances..IE:no licences). His opinion in this world means the most to me than anybody else. I've always cared about him..but over time i've grown to really love him..we've never stopped talking since the end of camp 2 years ago. he's been there through every next boyfriend and knows every detail and has supported me through everything. He's not your typical guy-and although we hardly see each other-we both know we are each others best friends. I've got dibs on him for marriage;)...*Dave*-Dave got to know me after i dated a certain asshole from his school and he dated my friend and so on..basically we talked over the phone 3 months (i called him for advice on that guy) before meeting. He's always been there for me, and i don't know what i would do without him. *Erin*-I believe that erin is my soulmate friend. I met her on my trip to israel this summer and she is one of my favorite people. we just have so much fun together and i love her to death-but i miss her also-she lives in miami, FL :(

**I have sporadic best friends here and there..my camp friends are true best friends, but our relationships have lessened since camp ended and we've all changed so much.Sarah is the only one i seriously don't feel too judged by.  I have to admit, they make me feel guilty for dating lots of guys and being "experienced" and they make me feel kinda whorish. My mom tells me they are just jealous. Although it might be true, it still hurts that they just weren't really happy for me..I guess i could understand that..but i do love them..alot. I would seriously do anything for them if needed...

**This past summer I went to Israel on TJJ (The Jerusalem Journey)..It was pretty much the best summer of my life-its a hard comparison to the last summer of camp..(my only great memory of that last summer was jason)..Israel was so fantabulous. It was my first real experience of being "popular"..I had a great boyfriend, great roomates (party girls! woo!), great bus group and shopping buds (erin, bara,shanna,becca,ilana)..although the advisors didn't like me much cause i went against the rules in "touching" my boyfriend(its offensive in judaism)..it didn't bother me..I miss the feeling and i miss the confidence i had on that trip. I never have felt more belonging in my life..

**This upcoming year I am going to Penn State (main campus) to major in journalism. I want to be a writer for a women's magazine or a newspaper. I used to want to be a news anchor, but i'm not so sure anymore. I may want to defer my acceptance and spend a year in Israel, but i haven't found quite the right program, nor would my parents support it.

**I'm not a healthy girl. I have stomach problems due to anxiety and i believe that all stems from my parents. They really just rub me the wrong way and i never am sick in the summer when i'm away from them-so i believe they are the root for all my pain. we get a long..but i just don't know what it is... The anxiety is worse due to the problems and its just a vicious cycle. They put me on anti-depressants to relax my stomach and i think they help my mental state. I've never been diagnosed depressed and i have no reason to be. I just like the happy pills:) I actually stopped taking them for the week and i have found i am more irritable and have cried more than i have in a while..but that could be just to my "time of the month"..i'm debating whether to go back on them.

**I know that i have a really bad body image. I would say i have an eating disorder. There are weeks at a time where i will practically starve myself and work out a ton. and then for some odd reason, i'll just stop exercising and eat. So my weight is constantly up and down. When i lost all that weight awhile back, i did it all by starving myself and exercising-therefore my metabolism is screwed up..its never been back to normal..I remember they called my parents one summer i wasn't eating and told them i was anorexic. I remember my counselor making me finish my dry cereal (trix) after everybody had left the cafeteria, and i was crying cause i didn't want to eat it..i'm SO much better now..but sometimes i wish i still had that much control.

**I've never been to a psychiatrist. I've gone to the school counselor quite often, but he stopped asking me back cause i think he thought i was pretty normal (just my parents that weren't)..so i haven't talked to him in a while..i miss him..i loved talking to him.

**I love music. i used to take piano lessons, but i stopped last year. i had been playing for 11 years. I'm really good at it and i can play really tough classical pieces. However, i bought a guitar 2 years ago and i still can't play it..i so wish i could...i want to be able to write my own songs and sing them in a coffee shop. but that's every girls dream...well mostly..

**my musical tastes have changed so much over the past couple years. I used to be SO hardcore into the band BUSH. They are great, but i see through them a bit now. I'm more into the folk music like ani, shawn mullins..but i don't JUST listen to them..some of the bands and music i like are (in no particular order): Counting Crows, The Cure, Ella Fitzgerald, Macy Gray, Stone Temple Pilots, Pearl Jam, Bush, Hole, Louis Armstrong, Dave Matthews Band, Dinosaur Jr., Train, Granulated Sugar, Creed, Pixies, Fiona Apple, Jewel, Souls, Sarah mclachlan, Tori Amos, silverchair, Hooverphonic.

**I'm not a big reader..i read magazines much more than books. My favorite magazines include:Jane and Cosmopolitan. When i do read books, they are usually by authors i get as suggestions through a mailing list i'm on-hunnycam. Those include Sylvia Plath, Neil Gaiman, and Margaret Atwood. I believe that "she's come undone" by wally lamb, may possibly be one of the most amazing books i've ever read. OH..and "East of Eden" by John Steinbeck...

**other things that i really like are: jeans that fit just right, headwraps, maroon nailpolish, hair straighteners, talented boys, poetry, writing, "take your clothes off music", sport utility vehicles, concerts, tummy medicine, quickcams, exercise, denny's buffalo chicken strips, chocolate anything, professional photos, chamomile tea, care bear dolls, Ebay, israel, being lazy, matching pajamas, little white t-shirts that look oh-so-good, clothes, sex, pigging out, coed sleepovers, traveling, taxi-cabs, big ass heeled boots, tv shows: Guiding Light, That 70's show, and Friends, cool computer programs, talking about nothing and everything at the same time with a fun friend, laid-back parties, movie-fests, kisses & hugs.

**things that i don't like: close minded-people, gaining weight, clothes that look good one day-and awful the next, serial numbers for shared computer programs, tunafish, biting my nails, static cling and in hair, not getting enough sleep, tummy pains, stupid dating shows that suck you in, cool musicians that eventually sell out, wanting to finish a roll of film and having nothing to take pictures of, girls that compete for your boyfriend, computer crashes, having no boy prospects and then 4 show up at the same time, staples that don't go through a whole packet of paper, expensive stockings that rip after one wear, people who drive the speed limit (at least go 5 above..thank you), parents who ask SO many questions, boyfriends who can't speak their minds, dead/stuffed hunted animals that are used for wall decoration, being looked up and down(by girls who think they are better), never having any money.

okay..um..i think that that's enough for now. If you want to know me better-read my journal.

© 2000-P.O.Girl

email: TennKer@aol.com