**written Wednesday Night**
oh man..i can't believe that its been almost two weeks...i've been mad busy and i hate to admit but i've almost forgotten about the page...but i'm here-don't worry (cause i'm sure you were all worried...riiighhhttt)
My week last week was pretty cool...spending quality time with my pledge sisters and actually it was really fun. So many laughs and fun times. And I am now officially a sister of Alpha Xi Delta. wow..i can actually say that i have "sisters" and mean it. I love my big sisters (even though they are my age;) )...
I wonder what Jen thinks of all this( sorority and all-i'm sure she thought that was never me, and she is right..but i'm trying new things)...i mean i have been thinking of her a lot lately and i haven't seen her since god knows when...Both Nate and Meg bring her up and ask if i've spoken to her and such cause they know how much she means to me and they care that me and her still have a friendship..but its just a sore and hard topic to deal with so i just brush it off...I know she thinks thats snobby of me..and maybe i have turned snobby..My mom told me that too..I just think that's always been my way of dealing with things..pretending it doesn't bother me and acting all distant from it..when really it does bother me..i did it with the "popular" people in high school, the bitches in camp, and now with things here at college and such with back home...A lot of her friends that she became close with over this past summer while i was away, are not my friends, and i have no interest in them whatsoever..and its weird cause i never had to share her, so when i am home, i do..and now she has to share me and we're both not used to that and its put a hell of a lot of strain on our relationship...*sigh* i just really miss her....i do love you jen, more than you know.
I was home this past weekend for the passover holidays. Nate came home with me. Unfortunately, we both missed Spring Weekend here at PSU..which is a huge greek life like 5 day party and event with barbecues and parties and contests..I felt wrong staying here and partying over the first weekend of passover, so i knew it was best for me to be home and with my family...My family adores him. My mom even begged me to not "make him crazy" cause she's in love with him too and she'd be devastated to see him go. ( i think they care more about him than me;) )...
Things are just so good right now...I get a lot of time with my boyfriend, with my roommate/friends, for my studies and especially time to workout like mad-right before Nate's formal...I can't believe our 6 month is right around the corner..less than 10 days...I never had faith in myself that a guy would want to stay with me this long...but however cheesy it is, he does complete me and i couldn't see it any other way.
I even get time to read..so i'm gonna go curl up in bed and read Bridget Jone's Diary that i bought today...mmmm..life is good...but Jen, where are you? :(
3:11 PM
It took a lot of talking, a lot of reassuring..tears and all..but its all settled...he really loves me. I mean i knew it..he says it..he shows it..but there are just sometimes when i can't take the fighting and the insecurities and fears in both of us, and i just don't want to even be where i am. But i think knowing that this year is over for us in 2 days, is making us grab onto our last moments, no more late night phone calls asking him to come keep me company, dinners, parties, walks to class and time in the HUB for another 4 months..I mean we will probably see each other in a week after we leave here..but at least now i'm more secure than ever in this relationship.
