8 April

Box 'o' fun

"nowawadays everybody wanna talk like they got something to say but nothing comes out when they move their lips just a bunch of gibberish, the motherfucka's act like they forgot about dre"

I love eminem.

yum.

BUST

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4:59 p.m.

freezing. completely.

I went to my first day of work this morning. COMPLETELY exhausted. thank you boys. *sarcasm*...nah just kidding. But last night, me and jen went to Subway for dinner and then we came here and we were talking to Nick Marascia online and he was like "okay..no parents..we're coming over"..so we had like a lot of guys..like nick marasica, nick jennings, mike, pat, mandy, me, jen, kyle vimislik, Jason..The boys brought over two cases of beer and us girls just watched them drink it, play cards, eat popcorn and pizza, and watch Half-Baked and then Woodstock '99..

I think Mike and Kyle were the last ones to leave. awww..kyle is SO awesome. WHAT a cutie..He was so excited to tell about Woodstock (cause he was there) and yeah, he was drunk, but he was really sweet and all nice and stuff..i've always been attracted to kyle..but i manned my station on the couch and held back. I'm not the type to try to pull anything on another guy when i have a boyfriend...if i hadn't had a boyfriend i would have flirted it up. but steve has nothing to worry about...and i was thinking about him the whole night anyhow..i guess what nick told me was that steve was going over to his friend kyle's for a "getting sloshed" party...i mean it was the same thing over here..and i wanted him to be with his friends..but at the same time, i wanted him here cause i was freakin scared to go to sleep by myself.

YES! since i don't get MTV, I was watching The Box..and i finally saw the N'Sync video of "bye bye bye" (which is our gym dance song..otherwise i wouldn't be that excited)..but ew, justin-why is he the hottie in that group? J.C. (my former mouseketeer) IS ten times Justin..I wish he was like the "frontman"....um...yeah...

Anyway, i just made myself wheat noodles and peanut butter. Odd combination? might SOUND like it. but it really does taste good..it takes like sesame noodles from the chinese restaurant..but something is hurting my tummy..although that might just be my period. ehh..iono. (oh yeah. jen asked me what iono stood for. iono=i don't know...its a shortened version..someone on hunnycam came up with a couple years ago.)

So my hair is all naturally curly now cause it dried from the rain and it looks really good. or so i think so.

Steve just came online and asked me to go see American Beauty with him and his friend. I SO wanted to see that movie, but i'm still in sweats and stuff cause i was freezing after the rain, and by the time i got out to leave, even if it was just 5 minutes..i wouldn't be able to make it in time to the movie..so he's going to call me when he's done with the movie...although i'd been dying to see that movie. I hope he thinks i'm fun cause we don't go places that often..usually over to each others houses..but i guess you take advantage of that when the opportunity arises, cause there aren't many empty houses...and not even for sex..just for lounging around and not having to worry about my mother walking around half naked in her robe trying to start a convo with steve. embarassing as hell.

Jen just called..she's back from New Paltz..and she sounds WICKED tired..and before her, Jenn Rodzinka called to read to me what i had written in her yearbook. It was really funny..and there were all these things in there that i wrote..and guys had written to her saying things like "take it easy on kerri, and watch out for her, she's still learning" (sex)..well now i know..but i did still have questions about it so me and jenn were talking about it and she was getting hints from tracy too..and it was funny..and she was liike "awww..you're still asking me questions about it, even though you're more experienced"..so i'm glad she liked that i still needed her advice..

I am SO good. I just fixed Napster and how to get the files i wanted to be shared and have them downloaded to a certain folder. I figured that out with no help. I'm becoming more and more impressed with myself when it comes to computers. I know i shouldn't be patting my back on it all..but..

I really hate Limp Bizkit..this isn't music..i'm sorry..i'm Just really not liking it. You know what i learned when working today, because i have a radio system in my mini golf booth, that within like only a 4 hour time period..they replay the same songs TOO many times..I think I heard "breathe" by faith hill..3 times? yeah. 3. i mean i like the song..but wow. that's a lot. And i just wanted to say that Melanie C from the spice girls..should just stick to her group..if they are even still together..but she's awful as a soloist. they all are.

yeah this entry sucks. not that much to talk about. Oh yeah, jon emailed me to tell me that he met a girl one night and they were going out the next. I'm sorry. that's lame. and its probably a total lie to not feel inferior of me..but it makes me wonder how i ever dated him and dealt with it all..the immaturity..i wish he would just tell me the truth on things..but he doesn't. its all a competition..and..i dont' know..i think its sick that this boy that i once loved and lost it to, i feel like 10 years older, as if i was old enough to babysit him..that's how much more mature i feel than of what he is. cause i guess i feel 10 years more mature than i was over the summer, so that would make sense..but wow..its so weird..and i guess sad at the same time...i guess i'd have to see him to realize that he's mature looking..but really not mature..like me and jason have always been on the same level and i feel like we grow up the same together..both same maturity levels..but i just feel like i Zoomed past jon on that...and its really a shame..

okay, i have a feeling i'm gonna be seeing steve in a few..so i should shower cause i feel so gross..

1:39 a.m.

okay i'm freaking myself out..i hate being home alone during the night time..Steve just left and i wish he could have stayed over but he has to be at work by 8:30..and he just wouldn't get sleep if he stayed here..i never shutup, that's probably why...hehe..but it was nice of him to at least come over.i feel like i bore him..i mean i don't hate when he calls his friends to see what they're doing or whatever. It's not like i don't want him to hang out with them. And when he asks what's wrong..i can't tell him cause it hurts me to say it and i never want to show tears...I just don't like it cause it makes me feel like he's doing me a favor by being there when he really wants to be somewhere else..And i'm sorry that i have nothing to do in my house..or any good food, and that i'm the type of person who's content to just be with the person i want- no matter what we have to occupy ourselves. See i just loved laying with him on my bed and talking..i feel so much closer when we talk, and its building more of a friendship..i used to worry about what we'd talk about..and now we just talk freely..i'm really liking that..a lot..when he's not holding back..i could seriously have stayed there like that with him for hours and lose track of time with no care at all..

Steve's car went off the road..i just found out..but thankfully he's okay..its weird..i never get worried about that type of stuff but i was already in a freaked out mood and i felt uneasy and i was wondering where the hell he was..so the feeling uneasy maybe could have been due to the fact that i know something must have happened for it to have taken him an hour to get home. but he's okay..ewww..and he just signed off without saying goodnight. Poop on you, steve;P

Okay..Ricky called..and i'm sorry but i am SO sick of these jewish boys that liked me at yarchei kallah telling me about how its pointless for me to be dating non-jewish. or what they call a "goy"..seriously..i'm like "its not for marraige" and they are like "well how do you know for sure..its like a gateway drug..you'll just keep dating non-jewish and marry a non-jew' and i'm sorry but i truly believe in marrying within my religion, but even if i don't..its not the hugest deal in the world. I'm sorry but i don't believe it is..and then they are like "well you must just be doing it for play"..and uhhh..geez...i'm in highschool..and that's okay..and that's my excuse..and i like at Steve as a person and It never crosses my mind that he's non-jewish unless either of us brings it up and we discuss it.,

I just..I really like steve..and i'm sick of this NCSY crap..it is so cultish..just let me do what i want to do, ya know? Steve is the guy i totally want to be with and have no doubt that he's good for me at this point in my life..in 4 years when the thought of marriage comes around, i'm sure Steve will be living his own life, and me, my own. And we're both okay with that..sure its gonna be hard ending it before college..i mean i've fallen..not love..but caring-wise..i don't know about him..but i truly care about him..I'm not sure i know the love thing yet, so i think i'm not because i think i'll know when i am, cause i'm hoping it hits me like a boulder..

all i know right now is that my eyes are drooping, i'm trying to make plans with jen for tomorrow , seeing as how there is 5 inches of snow on the ground and i'm doubting mini golf will open tomorow..anyhoo..i'm outtee..