5 April, 2000-Wednesday
10:26 p.m.
lol. I'm in such a good mood and my head is in the clouds, that it totally just took me 5 minutes to think of what day it was...
see it just takes me seeing him, and talking to him, and knowing and seeing that he cares right in front of me..to want to kick myself for bitching all the time. and it hurts him and i hate hurting him. He can't help his involvement in these things-they help him to get where he is..and i should be doing my schoolwork just like he does..
anyway, he came over tonight cause it was his only free night and it was perfect cause my parents were seeing Elton John so it was a sure thing they wouldn't be coming home early or anything. But i was sitting in my room doing homework and i left him a note on the door telling him to let himself in cause i wouldn't be able to hear the doorbell..and he appeared which scared me so much cause i was just writing and singing along to Dar and i was so lost in what i was doing...hehe.
and what did he show up with? a rose. a really nice one at that too. see, ya know, its the little things like that, that make you so happy.
and of course knowing me , it only took like 2 seconds for me to just like tackle him and smother him in kisses..hehehe..awww he's so freakin good looking, i can just stare at him.
all in all, it was really great..just being with him physically and emotionally is so like indescribable..because he opened up a bit to me, and he's gonna keep opening up and knowing that..just knowing that he trusts me enough and he feels comfortable enough to start, is another feeling that i cannot describe..its like "warm apple pie"..lol..j/k..i don't know..hence why its indescribable. and even when he was opening up, he was looking at me with his eyes..most of the time..not shying away..and i was thoroughly impressed.
and its weird, but the closer i feel to him..the more i don't want to describe what goes on between us physically and sometimes i don't even want to discuss what me and him talk about..and i've always respected him, but its just this different feeling, where i feel like now what is between me and him, should stay between me and him..and i mean i can still talk about how i feel when i'm down, but not really about what goes on when i have just spent time with him-especially to the online world..
oh and by the way-i asked him to my prom and he said yes and he asked me to his and of course i said yes...and if something should happen and we break up well then i'm sure he could find another date, and i'm sure i could too..but i just really hope that that does not happen.
i'm in a really really good mood..and i don't even feel like sitting here and typing about it..but i know that i give the appearance of him being such an uncaring shitty boyfriend..and he's not. he's my scoreking and things are getting better...
"Come closer and see
See into the trees
Find the girl
While you can
Come closer and see
See into the dark
Just follow your eyes
Just follow your eyes"