1:25 a.m.

       I can't believe that it is already October..the time is flying by so quickly and it feels like i don't even have a moment to just stop and breathe and take it all in. The days go by so fast, the weekends come, i party them away, and then its just a repeating cycle. My days are so filled..

      Sometimes i just think that i'm not really enjoying life. On the outside, it seems like i am..but i don't really think i am. Am i really happy with myself? I don't know..i mean sometimes i am, especially when i've been working out and feeling good about myself..but then i do things that i know deep down are stupid, but that i don't stop doing because in actuality, i want to do them..that's just the way i am. I'm spontaneous.I do what i think will please me best, despite the consequences...am i typically just...stupid?

    hmm...i'm still on cloud 9 right now..i seriously am. I just met the most incredible guy this weekend...granted, i'm probably just another girl to him..but he was just amazing. He kept reminding me of sombody..but i couldn't put the two togehter..and finally, on my walk to class, i was thinking of him (what else is new) and i realized he reminds me way too much of cockybastard...way too much like him..the same type of spirit. I was in ecstacy..I just fantasize about this guy and i'm in ecstasy..only one other guy has taken my breath away like that..but they were still two totally different experiences and relationships..but to meet this guy in one night and completely hit it off and have one of the most incredible nights, is just purely making me thankful..seriously..granted the other guys i've been with i have no respect for, they are assholes..but even if this guy and i have no more relations, i will always think he was such an amazing guy..i honestly don't even picture him in my mind as a normal human being...like he's something else, like a greek god..just something incredible..and he was just so nice...just thinking about him gives me a "perma grin"...and i thought the baseball pitcher was something special...HA! This guy..whew..takes my breath away..I read about his acheivements in highschool and he's too incredibly smart...I was talking it over with my friend and she was like "be thankful that you had this experience..most people go through college never getting that"...*sigh*...floating..and floating..

     You know what? i'm not letting go just yet..i know i haven't heard from him, but its only been a couple days..but also-its midterms week for him..and he's loaded...so who knows..but even if i have to look stupid to get this guy..i will do it...i will do just about anything..i've never ever wanted to know somebody nearly as much as i want to know him..

    I was really displeased with the past holiday. It was the Jewish New Year and I went to services on Friday night..They were awful and i was really uncomfortable...i ended up going out and partying afterwards..getting really drunk..missing services the next morning..getting up to go tailgating and i cheered my heart out at the game.

   It was amazing. I'm praying for our #43 football player, Adam Taliaferro..He was paralyzed a couple weeks ago during our game and he's not in school right now...We won this game for him..we definitely did. I know it. I hope he's okay. Our school is pulling for him..the number 43 is everywhere..i'm just waiting and hoping that i get to see him walk down my hall again (he lives above me)...put him in your prayers..he's such a nice kid.

   But after the game i went to Meg's sisters apartment party and that's where i instantly met this kid- Alex (or Xander-he goes by either)...it was just instantaneous talking and hitting it off..we then went to a frat where we danced and hooked up (and where i also fell down 3 stairs cause i misjugded and it was slippery..i seriously thought Xander was gonna just end it there but he was so sweet and we played it off cool and laughed about it..of course now i have a huge purple bruise on my ass..

   I slept all day Sunday and that's about it...

   I'm gonna go to sleep and think pretty thoughts.