4 April, 2000-Tuesday

7:30 p.m.

   So i just got home from jen's. I'm in a really happy and relaxed mood. No pain. woo!

   I didn't go to New Visions internship today. I couldn't wake up. I was having these really weird and scary dreams and then i was back in israel with the kids on my trip and i didn't want to wake up. My mom woke me up during the middle and once she left for work, i fell back asleep. All i wanted was to be with those kids again back in israel, and i guess the only way that i could have that back is if i'm in a dream. I woke up with that feeling as if it had really happen, and a huge empty feeling. I would give anything to be back there, and i can't stress that enough. I wish i could go live in those dreams all the time if it helps. I guess it was the closest thing to a rewind to the past.

   But anyway i woke up and it was raining again and i totally did not feel like going.

   right now kelley gunther is reminding me about being in technology in 8th grade and how we were talking about our 1st periods and i asked them if their mothers slapped them when they got it. and they looked at me like i was from another planet. its basically more like i'm from another religion. I guess its just a jewish mother thing. The idea is, when a girl gets a period, she usually calls her mother into the bathroom and is like "what the hell is that?" (well that's what i did) and the mother tells her its her period and slaps her face..and the slapping is because supposedly the first period scares the girl so much that her face goes white and the slapping is to redden up and put some color in her face. I was suprised nobody had known what i was talking about..and they laughed so hard once i told em..yeah..its fun being jewish.

   anyway, i got up and went to school at SV..around 12:45..of course foley can tell that i had just woken up..and i had forgotten to do my portfolio. eek! and i sitll forgot to do it and i don't have time..so i'll do it tomorrow before steve comes over...anyway, our gym dance, pretty cool. but the thing that sucks-the fact that all the girls who choreographed it happen to be SO tall and want to be seen so they are in the front. fuck that. everyone in our class has the ability to dance, but its not even about ability, its about who wants to be in front. And i guess i can't stand it cause i want some power. last year i choreographed my whole gym classes dance and i got to be the one telling people what to do. I don't like my peers telling me what to do. maybe that's just me and that's the bossy side of me but oh well. deal with it. I really can't stand SV.

   i just watched "That 70's show"..god i think its so hysterical and brilliant. and everytime i watch it, i miss Brian Ayres SO much, because Eric Foreman=Brian Ayres and its too scary, and seeing eric makes me want to see brian...

   LOL-steve jokes about breaking up with me over this: the fact that i have all this thug music on my computer..here's the setlist of what i have playing right now:

   *giggle* its fun!

   I know Jon would be proud..i used to make fun of his thug music all the time..*hides face*

   Anyway, I'm in such a good mood and i have been..even when i read the guestbook entry that Steve left for me. He's not a shitty-ass boyfriend. Granted, I don' get to see him that much, but he's just not that type to be like that with a girlfriend. I was told that before i even became his girlfriend and i knew that going into this. So its my fault but i am dealing with it..rather well too...even though it may seem like i complain too much. But after i read that i called jen and was like "um..what does that mean?" and she's like "ker, i thought what he said about you was really sweet..call him right now"..

   So i did..and he was fun on the phone and i was in a happy mood and had lots to say and god, i like him SO much. I love when he says something and laughs at it..it sounds so adorable over the phone..and i was all giggly and it was good, but he was tired and he was in bed already so, all i know is i'm seeing him tomorrow and i get him for most of the night. I'm wicked excited..i haven't seen him in ages, since i went away over the weekend and last week...which were his free nights...he joked about retaliating everything i say by leaving a guestbook entry all the time to "defend" himself..lol.

   all i'm saying is he's not a shitty-ass boyfriend and he doesn't want people thinking "why is this girl with him?", cause he knows why i'm with him, i know why i'm with him..and that's all that counts.

"girl it looks good
won't you back that azz up"

lol. i'm silly tonight.

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