ON the fifth day of November, 17I8, which to the era fixed
on, was as near nine kalendar months as any husband could
in reason have expected,-was I Tristram Shandy, Gentle-
man, brought forth into this scurvy and disastrous world
of ours.-I wish I had been born in the Moon, or in any
of the planets, (except Jupiter or Saturn, because I never
could bear cold weather) for it could not well have fared
worse with me in any of them (though I will rot answer for
Venus) than it has in this vile, dirty planet of ours,-which,
o' my conscience, with reverence be it spoken, I take to be
made up of the shreds and clippings of the rest;-not but
the planet is well enough, provided a man could be born in
it to a great title or to a great estate; or could any how con-
trive to be called up to public charges, and employments of
dignity or power;-but that is not my case;-and there-
fore every man will speak of the fair as his own market has
gone in it;-for which cause I affirm it over again to be
one of the vilest worlds that ever was made;-for I can truly
say, that from the first hour I drew my breath in it, to this,
that I can now scarce draw it at all, for an asthma I got in
skating against the wind in Flanders;-l have been the con-
tinual sport of what the world calls fortune; and though I
will not wrong her by saying, She has ever made me feel the
weight of any great or signal evil;-yet with all the good
temper in the world, I affirm it of her, that in every stage of
my life, and at every turn and corner where she could get
fairly at me, the ungracious Duchess has pelted me with a
set of as pitiful misadventures and cross accidents as ever
small HERO sustained.