George W. Bush, President and CEO georgew@bush-co.com Duties: Acting as a figurehead; whining; sitting in the oval office for photo-ops. Website: www.white-house.biz

Richard Cheney, Chairman of the Board cheney@bush-co.com Duties: Running the coporation; touring hospitals first-hand; bitch-slapping George. Website: www.white-house.biz

George H. W. Bush, President Emeritus poppy@bush-co.com Duties: Giving George the lowdown on "that Middle East thing"; taking naps. Website: www.white-house.biz

Laura Welch Bush, First Lady laura@bush-co.com Duties: Visiting libraries to promote literacy among the literate; bake sales. Website: Terri's Political Gem

Colin Powell, Chief Information Officer powell@bush-co.com Duties: Diplomacy; convincing Europe George is a competent human being. Website: www.white-house.biz

Andrew H. Card, Jr. Chief Operating Officer card@bush-co.com Duties: Domestic, foreign, cover-up policies. Website: www.white-house.biz

John W. Snow, Chief Financial Officer cfo@bush-co.com Duties: Kickbacks; deficit spending; tax cuts for the rich. Website: www.white-house.biz

Donald H. Rumsfeld, War Advisor war@bush-co.com Duties: "Defense" issues; missile deployment; military actions. Website: www.white-house.biz

John Ashcroft, Legal Counsel ashcroft@bush-co.com Duties: Issues of law, civil rights, and anti-trusts. Website: www.white-house.biz

Tom Ridge Director of Maximum Security security@bush-co.com Duties: Making vague warnings; anthrax. Website: www.white-house.biz

Gale Norton, Secretary of Land Use norton@bush-co.com Duties: National Forest and Parks Services; corporate land use. Website: www.white-house.biz

Rod Paige, Secretary of Exploitation paige@bush-co.com Duties: "Education"; literacy; school vouchers; parochial instruction. Website: www.white-house.biz

Tommy G. Thompson Secretary of Anti-Abortion thompson@bush-co.com Duties: "Health and human services." Website: www.white-house.biz

Christine Todd Whitman Secretary of Self-Regulation whitman@bush-co.com Duties: Environmental "protection." Website: www.white-house.biz

Condoleezza Rice Secretary of Sovietology rice@bush-co.com Duties: National "security" issues Website: www.white-house.biz

Ari Fleischer, Public Relations pr@bush-co.com Duties: Press releases, cover-ups, trying to explain Bushisms. Website: www.white-house.biz

Donald L. Evans Secretary of Monopolies commerce@bush-co.com Duties: Mergers and acquisitions. Website: www.white-house.biz

Elaine Chao Secretary of Minimum Wage Jobs labor@bush-co.com Duties: Unions; strikes; OSHA. Website: www.white-house.biz

Spencer Abraham Secretary of Oil and Gas energy@bush-co.com Duties: Offshore drilling; strip-mining. Website: The Bush Empire

Ann Veneman Secretary of Agriculture usda@bush-co.com Duties: Pesticides; herbicides; homicides. Website: www.white-house.biz

Mel Martinez Secretary of Housing and Banality hud@bush-co.com Duties: "Houses" in crack neighborhoods. Website: www.white-house.biz

Norman Y. Mineta Secretary of Transportation usdot@bush-co.com Duties: Being the token Democrat. Website: www.white-house.biz

George Tenet, Secretary of Espionage cia@bush-co.com Duties: Domestic and international spying; overthrowing foreign nations. Website: www.white-house.biz

Anthony Principi Secretary of Veterans Affairs va@bush-co.com Duties: Appeasing angry senior citizens. Website: www.white-house.biz