December 10, 1999


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Think you're really a Swattie? Take the test

By David King | Phoenix Staff

Well, congratulations! You've made it to the end of the semester. If you're a freshman, you're probably reflecting on what you've learned and how you can improve your study skills for the spring. If you're a senior, you face the realization that you're one step closer to graduating in five months.

Whatever your class, whatever your grades, whatever your whatever, you've no doubt learned a thing or two from the semester. Now, as you walk around in the real world during winter break, you'll sport your Swarthmore sweatshirt with pride (or grief) and think, by golly, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and thank goodness I didn't choose Amherst.

With that said, I present to you the following: a short test to see just how attuned you've become to the intracacies of Swarthmore life. Don't worry; this doesn't count toward a grade. Its only purpose is to entertain you and bring me $7.33 from The Phoenix.

So, without further ado...

It's 8 p.m. on a Sunday night and you have a ten-page paper due the next day that you've barely started. You...
a) put the pedal to the metal and type like there's no tomorrow
b) spend the next hour carefully constructing a tactful e-mail to the professor, asking for an extension
c) put it out of your mind and watch The Simpsons

You've just lost two quarters in the only remaining dryer that works. You...
a) leave a note that the machine is broken and call the 800 number
b) have it out with the machine and then walk to a different dorm
c) don't do laundry

"Swarthmore" is pronounced...
a) Swarthmore
b) Swathmore
c) Skidmore

"The Mystical Arts of Tibet" is being exhibited in the List Gallery. You...
a) plan to check it out as soon as possible
b) may stop by if you're near LPAC
c) Swarthmore has a gallery?

You arrive at Essie Mae's for breakfast at 10:56 AM and find the doors closed. You...
a) sigh in disappointment and leave
b) plead politely with the woman to let you just grab some juice
c) are never up by 10:56 a.m.

You've just received a reserved-students e-mail on safety precautions to take while walking to your car at night. You...
a) feel thankful for the advice
b) trash the message without a second thought
c) were denied a spot by the Parking Committee

Another Reserved Students message encourages you to run for Student Council. You...
a) jump into the ring
b) don't know what Student Council does
c) wonder how long Matt Schwartz spends constructing his witty messages

You want to see a movie at the Granite Run Mall. A 110 SEPTA bus leaves the Springfield Mall en route to Granite Run at 12:40 p.m. It takes 12 minutes to walk to Baltimore Pike. You...
a) grab a bag lunch and head off at 12:15
b) leave at 12:30 and run because you got out of class late
c) decide you can't spare the time and postpone the movie until break

A sign for for "D.U." is probably referring to...
a) Diversity Umbrella
b) Delta Upsilon
c) you don't care either way

You're a vegetarian on the 20-meal plan. The most memorable dish you've eaten in Sharples this semester has been...
a) tofu

You're looking for just the right holiday greeting card for your mom. You go to...
a) the bookstore
b) Michael's pharmacy
c) Philadelphia

You're a dorm consultant and have just received an e-mail from a student you don't know asking for help with her computer. You...
a) tell her you'll come by as soon as possible
b) respond politely that you're swamped with work and couldn't possibly help her until February
c) look up her picture in the Cygnet, listen to her voice mail greeting, and then decide

So, how'd it go? The more c's you picked, the better you've done. Give yourself a pat on the back and treat yourself to a meal at Le Bec Fin. I'm sorry, did I say Le Bec Fin? I meant Renato's.

At any rate, good luck on finals, and have a restful break. I know I'm looking forward to vacation, especially now that I've "earned" my $7.33. (It's Amtrak back to New York for me ... oh, yeah.)

If you didn't do so well on this test, don't worry: Anywhere else, it would have been an "A."