October 24, 1998
Entry Ten: How can I

So what now.
Another episode of my life, just like the older ones, but this time fast and explosive, and then down to dust, and nothing? What is this with me?
...... always a fairy tale beginning, either slow dancing to Titanic in a ball, or love at first sight with our minds; always a half unresolved settlement, either I'm too good and too near, or that I"m too good and too far. And both friends have left me standing, one way or another...
What is this with me? Am I forever destined to be in the dramatic emotional scene, or that this is just some overture to a even bigger play when now only the cast are being introduced in the light of each other?
.....
... on one level or another, I still like him. How can I not? When we were so close to being sweethearts and yet, he shied away like the evening sun... "I can't ask for anyone better" and yet the sun and the moon can't rule dusk together, he would rather give me up to another guy without even tasting my sweetness to ensure my entirety....In my eyes he still is, and will probably remain for a while some dream never attained, some wish too deep down the well. ......Maybe his perfection is derived from the distance that forever separates us, which allows so much room for moulding and manipulation on my part... or maybe it's the nostalgic qualities he embodies in my memories that also contributed to my living affection. He is the prince of my ideals, the Lionheart that will forever roar in my dreams, yet I'm a relfection on the water...
... Then...
The Stargazer came to pull my eyes off the constellations, held my hand to show me the sea, but he turned his head when he saw my wings, and left me on the land as he swims back to his ocean. ...and live on, as a fish in its depth, looking up at the moon as a love far away, a sigh without regrets. And I? I am just left on my island, abandoned by both Sky or Sea, caught in my own train of thoughts...
Somehow I just know, this is not the end of the story.
This is just a premature collision of figures that gives rise to the true cosmic spectacle when Time and Space comes together.... when the Sun and Moon and the Sea all gleam in the dawn.
The dusk is past, the clock strikes one, and morning is due when Fate awakens.

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October 24, 1998 Entry Ten: How can I
So what now. Another episode of my life, just like the older ones, but this time fast and explosive, and then down to dust, and nothing? What is this with me? ...... always a fairy tale beginning, either slow dancing to Titanic in a ball, or love at first sight with our minds; always a half unresolved settlement, either I'm too good and too near, or that I"m too good and too far. And both friends have left me standing, one way or another... What is this with me? Am I forever destined to be in the dramatic emotional scene, or that this is just some overture to a even bigger play when now only the cast are being introduced in the light of each other? ..... ... on one level or another, I still like him. How can I not? When we were so close to being sweethearts and yet, he shied away like the evening sun... "I can't ask for anyone better" and yet the sun and the moon can't rule dusk together, he would rather give me up to another guy without even tasting my sweetness to ensure my entirety....In my eyes he still is, and will probably remain for a while some dream never attained, some wish too deep down the well. ......Maybe his perfection is derived from the distance that forever separates us, which allows so much room for moulding and manipulation on my part... or maybe it's the nostalgic qualities he embodies in my memories that also contributed to my living affection. He is the prince of my ideals, the Lionheart that will forever roar in my dreams, yet I'm a relfection on the water... ... Then... The Stargazer came to pull my eyes off the constellations, held my hand to show me the sea, but he turned his head when he saw my wings, and left me on the land as he swims back to his ocean. ...and live on, as a fish in its depth, looking up at the moon as a love far away, a sigh without regrets. And I? I am just left on my island, abandoned by both Sky or Sea, caught in my own train of thoughts... Somehow I just know, this is not the end of the story. This is just a premature collision of figures that gives rise to the true cosmic spectacle when Time and Space comes together.... when the Sun and Moon and the Sea all gleam in the dawn. The dusk is past, the clock strikes one, and morning is due when Fate awakens.
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