"The Wonderful Thing About Triggers"
by Benjamin Newman
after "The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers" by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman

The wonderful thing about triggers
Is triggers are wonderful things
They normalize all of your numbers
They sanitize all of your strings
They're bits of code that servers load
When certain deeds are done
But the most wonderful thing about triggers
Is they're automatically run!

The wonderful thing about triggers
Is triggers are awfully neat
They run when an op is beginning
They run when an op is complete
They're subroutines for big machines
That weigh a metric ton
But the most wonderful thing about triggers
Is they're automatically run!

The terrible thing about triggers
Is ours are a bit of a mess
If one isn't explained with a comment
Its purpose is anyone's guess
They're full of fright and hard to write
And fixing them's no fun
But the most wonderful, terrible thing about triggers
Is they're automatically run!

The most wonderful, terrible thing about triggers
Is they're automatically run!