'04 '05 '06 '07 Alums

Name: Jon Greenberg
Nickname: FHP
Year: 2006
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 151 lbs.
Favorite Website: www.garfield.com
Favorite Tournament: Terminus
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: "Mrs. Murphy's so easy that she gives it up on both campuses."
Sad Truth: The ultimate season hasn't officially begun until I'm bleeding from both my knees and my elbows.
Paper Plate Award(s): SweetTooth Award, Flaming Frosh Spice Award
Favorite Throw: Unnecessary Hammer
Best Botticelli Character: Slimer
Favorite Quote: "First with the head, then with the heart."

Name: Zack Weintraub
Nickname: To be created
Year: 2006
Height: 5'11''
Weight: 165lbs (or 9 stone)
Favorite Website: http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/pearls/
Favorite Tournament: Brown invitational
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke:
Funniest Ultimate Story: Scrimaging UDel under the lights on our new turf field. Arpy, Tal and I are
back handling after a UDel turn, but Arpy for some reason is half waybetween us and the stack. We
start yelling at him to get back and handle,so he runs a good 30 yards out of bounds into the middle
of the girls field(they were at half time) and starts yelling "poach! poach swing! zack I'm poached!!"
oh that arpy, when'll he ever learn...
Paper Plate Award(s): Most Improved Player
Best Botticelli Character: Aunt Jamima
Favorite Throw: Fake thumber-grapevine-scoober break

Name: Alexander Kieft
Nickname: (Undetermined)
Year: 2006
Height: 6'3"
Weight: Unknown
Favorite Website: http://www.thematrix.com
Favorite Tournament: Drew: So much playing time, so much glory, so much mud.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: /* The following code uses four nested "for" loops in order to screw
Skemer's mom successfully */
Funniest Ultimate Story: The general glee of watching teams fall victim to "Ninja" time and time again, even when
they know that's all we're ever going to do for "Bear - Ninja - Cowboy."
Paper Plate Award(s): Orville Redenbacher Hot Popping
Final Remarks: "Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! OH YEAH!!!"

Name: Tal Levy
Nickname: Mr. Falcon
Origin of Nickname: Tal walks into one of the bedrooms during Spring Break searching for his sweatpants. Unable to find the
aforementioned sweatpants, Tal mutters "motherfucker" and gives up. Meanwhile, Die Hard 2 is being watched in the same bedroom
and the famous line "Yippeekaiyay, motherfucker" is replaced with "Yippeekaiyay, Mr. Falcon" - and the nickname was born.
Year: 2006
Height: 5 foot 6 inches
Weight: 125
Favorite Website:
Favorite Tournament: Rutgers
Funniest Ultimate Story: Saller making a entire CD consisting of 15 tracks of Peetey Pablo's North Carolina Raise Up
Paper Plate Award(s): The Squirrel Award

Name: Ben Saller
Nickname: Saller or Dolemite or Meat Captain or the Human Tornado
Year: '06
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 150 lbs.
Favorite Website: Realultimatepower
Favorite Tournament: Mortal Kombat
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: I love them all equally
Funniest Ultimate Story: I'm not sure if this qualifies as an ultimate story exactly, but I was driving Van 2 on the way home from spring
break, and a van full of William and Mary girls pulled up on the right side of our van and flashed us. Neo started yelling at Zack to "Show
them your penis!" Zack was confused and thought that it was one of our own vans next to us, and so he didn't do anything. The girls in
the other van tried to throw us beads, but they all ended up on the highway, most likely breaking people's windshields. Meanwhile, and
this is the good part of the story, Neo became frantic and kept screaming at Zack until he was foaming at the mouth and just
yelling "PENIS! PENIS!!!" over and over.
Paper Plate Award(s): Ultimate Wailing Award

Name: Arpiar Bruce Saunders
Nickname: Arpy
Year: 2006
Height: 6 feet 2 inches
Weight: whatever girls like with 6'2''
Favorite Website: hotornot.com/robdevoogd/apparatus
Favorite Tournament: Terminus
Favorite Logician's Mom Joke: Me and Ben and Rob were all tapping the logician's mom from every which way, every which hole,
and she started screaming something about "fire crotch" but we agreed that didn't make much sense.
Funniest Ultimate Story: Dueling Urine/Man Glue
Paper Plate Award(s): The Clitterbug Award, The You Drank My Cum in the Car Bomb Award
Anything else you want me to put on: Every Zone D is a glory hole to God

Name: Andy Skemer
Year: 2006
Height: 6'8
Weight: 325
Paper Plate Award(s): The Asa Packer Award, The You have Chosen Poorly Award
The Patrick Hagen Memorial Airshow Award, The Taster's Choice Award

Name: Jonathan Sarmiento
Nickname: Hairy Beast
Year: '06
Height: 6 ft
Weight: 165 lb
Favorite Website: madblast
Favorite Tournament: Rutgers
Paper Plate Award(s): The Smooth Operator
Special Talent: Never gets cold - due to eskimo blood...

Name: Patrick Gilman
Nickname: Colby
Year: 2006ish
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 185 lbs
Favorite Website: http://www.terraserver.com, followed directly by The I Ching Calculator at http://thateden.co.uk/dirk/
Favorite Tournament: Potlatch, baby. 1000 lbs of salmon, 40 kegs and The Swede can't be wrong.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: as follows --
Brandon Silverman:
Hey Everybody...
I think that emails like 'Jody was busy fucking Murphy's mom's ass up the butt (where Maria doesn't like it), are unfunny and offensive and do not
represent what I love about the earthworms. I like drunken emails that are 45-pages and only express a person's love for Rachmaninoff, ice cream and
ultimate (vinny). I like emails that are 45-pages long and make perfect and yet absolutely no-sense (wollenberg). I like emails that make fun of misha's
ability to convince himself that the union jack is a symbol on israel's flag (mule).

I think you guys are too smart to resort to the lowest common [sic] demoninator.

Always an Earthworm and now a close friend of j. lo's,
Brandon

Murphy's Response:

[quoting Brandon]
I think emails like : "Jody was busy fucking Murphy's mom's ass up the butt (where Maria doesn't like it)," are unfunny and offensive and do
not represent what I love about the earthworms.

guys, brandon's totally right here. this joke is completely unfunny, a waste of the time of every reader. to really reach that upper echelon of
humor, the following change must be made:

"Jody was busy fucking Poo-song's mom's ass up the butt (where Maria doesn't like it)."

see, because i find jokes about collin's mom infinitely funnier than jokes about my own mom. and that's because mrs. poo/mrs. song/mrs. poo-song is
a huge slut who likes it in the butt.

expanding new horizons like cps's mom's ear,
murph

Funniest Ultimate Story: Ask Chaz about the time he managed to get crabs...in his eyes.
Paper Plate Award(s): Best Freshman Ever (worms), Best Freshman Ever (moms)

webmaster: Alex Kieft