'04 '05 '06 '07 Alums

Name: Paul Wulfsberg
Nickname: Big Gay Mule
Year: 2003
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 175 lbs.
Favorite Website: http://www.muleranch.com
Favorite Tournament: Haverford Layout Pigout
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: "This one's from Vinny, I think: Mrs. Murphy is a respectable and virtuous woman.
Get it? It's funny because it's not true."
Funniest Ultimate Story: So we're scrimmaging towards the end of practice on Mertz field.Murphy's team is going uphill,
with the disc, and for some reason Murphy is being covered by Bui. He quickly burns him and is racing deep,
ahead of Bui by a good 15 yards with no last back. The huck goes off, but is just terrible. It doesn't get anywhere
near Murphy and is barely going to even make it to Bui. The disc is coming down hard straight at the ground right in
front of Bui at about a 45 degree angle. All he has to do is let it hit the ground. But since he's Bui, he utters a
strange "Mrah!" and kicks the disc. Miraculously, he kicks it putting absolutely perfect spin on it so that it
goes across most of the field, about a 20 yard sideways lateral to a teammate of Murphy's, who catches it and
throws it to Murphy for the score. The whole team is dumbfounded.
Paper Plate Award(s): Most Favored Male; The Empire Strikes Back

Name: John Anderson
Nickname: Neo
Year: 2003
Height: 6' 3''
Weight: 170
Favorite Website: www.homestarrunner.com
Favorite Tournament: College Nationals, baby!
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: "Hey Murphy, I had sex with your mom."
Favorite Ultimate Story: The Penis Fuck Stick, followed by 14 rounds of "Raise Up"
Paper Plate Awards: The Neo Award, the John Popper wards, the Neo
who Loved Ultimate awards, the Misha's Bitch award, and the Most
Favored Male award
Note: I love ultimate and thesis papers

Name: Ben Ben Hamilton
Nickname: Benben
Year: 2003
Height: 5' 11"
Weight: 170
Favorite Website: http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/org/fury
Favorite Tournament: Used to be Yale Cup, but we kept getting drunk during our games there, so we're going to
Spring Phling this year instead.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: Hey Murphy! Your mom thought I was gay, so she fucked me!
Funniest Ultimate Story: Freshman year- Bill's kiss-it catch to win sectionals over Haverford (?); Sophomore year- Nemesis hucks
into my eye and gives me 9 stitches; Junior year- missing the "14 year olds in our party" incident because I was out landsharking
the campus for an hour; Senior year- my attempted break mark backhand side thumber turns into a game ending spike.
Paper Plate Award(s): The Get Get Out Out Of Of My My End-zone End-zone Award; The Elephant Penis Award; Minister of Humor;
Best Nemeses; The Perfect Attendance Award; The Ferocious Kitten of Death; Most Favored Male; The Emperor of Offence

Name: Eric Stephens
Nickname: Still working on it
Year: '03
Height: 6' 1"
Weight: two bills
Favorite Website: www.epitaph.com
Favorite Tournament: Wildwood Beach Tournament
Funniest Ultimate Story:
Paper Plate Award(s): Varsity Athlete Award
Check me out: www.supereric.com, www.gotsoma.com

Name: Misha Horowitz
Nickname: The Hor, Frosh Spice, The Gimp
Year: 2006
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 150
Favorite Website: www.homestarrunner.com/trogdor.html
Favorite Tournament: Nationals
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: Hey Murphy, I fucked your mom so hard I taco'ed her!
Funniest Ultimate Story: Sectionals, my freshman year, spring 2000. We're playing Haverford (they were kinda nasty at that point, and had
beaten us a couple times that season) in the finals of PA sectionals, and we're up a few. We had been up a few for the whole game, but we
had convinced our Choirboys to stay and finish out the game instead of leaving in the second half, abandoning us to go sing like bitches. So
anyway, it eventually gets to game point -- it's like 14-12 or something. Huge point, a few turns, we eventually get it toward their endzone.
Murphy has the disc, and he's looking around but getting nothing. Stall starts to go up.. getting higher... eventually gets to stalling 8----9...
Murph puts up this UGLY, HIDEOUS, seriously one of the worst hammers I've ever seen... it floats up,helixes a few times around, finally
falls back toward the ground. It seems like a sure D, but Bill Mather, the big man on campus, goes up, and comes back down, landing
on the ground and securing the catch just as he hit with monumental impact. Bill earned around 40 fantasy points for this catch, not only
because it was inverted, game-winning, and tournament-winning, but because he had clasped the winning catch of Sectionals 2000
to his buttocks -- The Greatest Kiss-It Catch Ever.
Paper Plate Award(s): The Stout Mrs. Murphy Award, Minister of Offense, The Iron Man Award, the Social Butterfly, The Greatuitest,
The Vincent Pallaver Gratuity Award, the Electric Pig,... yeah banquet & debauchery!
Memories: Peter Vella, Kelvin, Officer Boston Pan Cussme, the Ice Cream store at Lehigh, winning sectionals freshman and junior (and senior?)
years, letdowns at regionals, missing nationals bids by 1 or 2 spots at regionals, finally making it, bears, ninjas, and cowboys, fire and Brandon's
fateful water, oil checks, numerous talent shows, Vinny, Murphy, the Entity, becoming the Carleton of the East. These are all things I've had the
pleasure to be a part of as an Earthworm. Goddamn, ultimate is fun!!!

Name: Roban Hultman Kramer
Nickname: Beast
Year: 2003
Height: 6'
Weight: 161 lbs.
Favorite Website: adsabs.harvard.edu
Favorite Tournament: Spring Fling

Name: Collin Peng-Sue
Nickname: CPS
Year: 2003
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 210
Favorite Website: http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail.html
Favorite Tournament: Spring Phling, Terminus
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: We're driving to Wildwood, and we pass the "3 Cents Motel." I tell Murphy that's how much I
gave his mother the previousnight, and just as he's about to retort, I say, "Did I say 3 cents? I meant 3 calories"
Funniest Ultimate Story: We're at practice, and Mule's got two discs in his hand. He casually tosses one behind his back, and
then turns aroundto throw the disc that is still in his hand. The moment he turns around, the first disc lands squarely in between his eyes.
Paper Plate Award(s): The Carroteer's Apprentice, Most Improved Player, Mulitple generic "You layout a lot" awards

Name: Galen O'Toole
Nickname: Wolfman
Favorite Tournament:Tune-Up
Funniest Ultimate Story:We played ECU really close, and really well last Spring break. Part of this was due to one of our star Frosh, Paul Wulfsburg aka. "Big Gay Mule." He looked really uncoordinated and slow, so they would put one of their less-good players on him. Little did they know, he could read really well. He probably scored 3 or four points on them, and every time, we would chant, "Big Gay Mule! Big Gay Mule! Big Gay Mule!" from the sidelines. Those boys at ECU didn't know how to take it.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: Hey! I poked Murphy's Mom last night!

Name:Suor Kim
Nickname: Homicidal Terrahawk
Personal Website: http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/~suor/
Favorite Website: http://www.theonion.com/
Favorite Tournament: Haverford Flatball Classic
Funniest Ultimate Story: I was running for a throw by Brandon, fell and caught the disc, got up and dropped it.

Name: Matt Murphy
Nickname: Murph, Murph Dog.
Personal Website: http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/~murphy, http://www.omissionmusic.com
Favorite Website: espn.go.com
Favorite Tournament: Nationals
Funniest Ultimate Story: The Stupidest
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: I love my mom.
Paper Plate Award(s): Zone Badass Award, Most Favored Male

Name: Timothy Kobayashi
Nickname: Prolific E-mail Writer
Personal Website: http://www.engin.swarthmore.edu/~tkobayashi
Favorite Website: http://www.theonion.com
Favorite Tournament: Haverford Flatball Funniest Ultimate Story: Getting face-planted twice while playing pokey with Roban. Wiping the frisbee down Brandon's back. Emails galore!
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: The Broads in Parrish one
Paper Plate Award(s):The Real Tim Shady Award

Name: Dan Marrin
Nickname: Sheepish Lord of Chaos: since I am Irish, I prefer to think of myself as a Lord of Chaotic Sheep, SHEEPLORD for short!
Personal Website: www.penthouse.com
Favorite Website: www.imdb.com
Favorite Tournament: 2nd Haverford tournament with B-Team beating Haverford and William & Mary
Funniest Ultimate Story: This guy named Paul, otherwise known as Big Gay Mule, dons a green foam finger with #1 written on it to cover his hand. You'd THINK this would impede his playing-instead he just keeps on getting better every time he wears it!
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke:If a Murphy's mom joke is written, and Murphy's not there to see it, it never happened.

Name: Matthew Davis
Nickname: Davis
Personal Website: http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/~mdavis/
Favorite Website: why bother, no one likes birds
Favorite Tournament: Navy savage, and freshman year Padamosh savage with Sibley et al.
Funniest Ultimate Story: "There's no f**king way, it's my f**king disc!!!" -said in appropriately irate voice
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: why bother, they're all the best
Paper Plate Award(s): Samson Award

Name: James Muspratt
Nickname: Spratt
Personal Website: http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/~muspratt
Favorite Website: http://www.straightdope.com
Favorite Tournament: Paganello
Funniest Ultimate Story: We're playing at some co-ed tournament. I have the disc and am being marked by a tall woman. I decide a few fakes are necessary, and attempt the ol' high-backhand-over-the-mark's-head-without-releasing-the-disc trick. One problem: on the way up, my elbow catches this woman's nose, sending her flying backwards to land on the ground with a bleeding face. Of course, from the sidelines, it looks as if I couldn't get a clear backhand and just threw in elbow to get some disc space. Oops.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: Too many to choose.

Name: Vinny Pallaver
Nickname: The Horse, Mr. Gratuity, Mad Dog, Bo Wensen, Ice Cream, Rachmaninov
Personal Website: www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/~vince
Favorite Tournament: Wildwood and College Series (Sectionals/Regionals/Natties)
Funniest Ultimate Story: In Spring Break '99, on the 3-van caravan from Gainesville to Port St. Joe, Jenny, Lindsay, Badger, Me, and somebody else (murphy?) were in the cargo van (filled with people's shite, everybody else was crammed in the two other vans). We were leading the caravan. Somebody in the van had the brilliant idea to further Benson's and the general population's ire about having to travel or being dirty or whatever by making a series of signs. So we did, and I climbed over the cargo and held the first sign to the back window, in hopes that the second van would be able to read it. Benson and Wollenberg were in the front of the second van, and their reactions were priceless. Benson read the sign and was immediately very upset. Wollenberg never could clearly read the sign and confusion was on his face the entire episode. We flashed the second sign, and Benson and the 3rd van pulled over to the side of the road in distress before we could flash the 3rd sign. The signs read: "Do you have Badger?" "Think we left him at the gas station" and the 3rd sign, which would have been the killer, but was never shown: "Can't stop. Must make good time"
Best Ultimate Story:I have many best personal highlights, what do you think I dream about all the time? But the best, the moment after which I should have retired, was my d-block in practice in fall '99 of murphy's huck. It's very hard to explain, and if the following doesn't help, ask murphy or someone who was there. I am on offense, murphy is guarding me on a man defense. huck goes up to me, going down the mertz hill. murphy is a few steps behind me. But it doesn't matter, because it is apparent to everybody on the field that the huck is too short. murphy moves to intercept, and i'm suddenly about to be very behind the play. somebody on murphy's team sees the short huck and immediately takes off upfield, being wide open for a murphy huck. enter wiliness. murphy knows that i know he's going to get the huck, and he knows that i can see that he's going to huck it back in the other direction to his streaking player. i start running towards murphy. i know he's going to huck, and i know at this point (he didn't have his new-fangled super forehand grip that he's teaching all of us now) that it's going to be a backhand, so I run for his backhand side. Murphy knows I'm coming, and I'm close, as he prepares to huck. In a moment that can only be described as I entered a strategic tier higher than murphy, I choose to run by his backhand huck instead of laying out, because I anticipated that murphy would anticipated my layout and throw an inside out backhand huck fake. yes. murphy threw his inside=out backhand fake, and instead of laying out, I ran by. I knew that immediately following his fake, he would throw his regular outside-in backhand huck. So I layed out to my left, blindly, facing upfield. and blocked the huck with my back. ok that's a pretty poor explanation, ask murphy for a reenactment on the field. but my other highlight could have been when i had sex with murphy's mom.

Name: Wayne Cabradilla
Nickname: Wayne
Personal Website: www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/~cabrad
Favorite Website: www.economist.com
Favorite Tournament: That i've played in? Frostbreaker. That I've seen? Nationals at Boulder
Funniest Ultimate Story: On the ride back from Tune-Up, we stopped at a rest stop somewhere in western Ohio. I found this tourist brochure for Cleveland. It contained all those random facts like Cleveland is the 3rd best place in the Midwest to do business. I read out all the factoids for about a half hour in a really loud voice. And then I stopped because I realized that not everyone appreciated the vast wealth of Cleveland-related information availible in Ohio turnpike rest stops.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: Mrs. Murphy is a virtuous woman. Get it?

Name: Brandon Silverman
Nickname: B-Dawg
Personal Website: www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/~bsilver1/
Favorite Website: www.lilkim.com
Favorite Tournament: college nats
Funniest Ultimate Story: 1. matt menendez broke my ocular floor (eye socket) with a backhand huc follow-through while i was putting on a tight mark. i was out for the entire spring of my freshman year.

2. vinny vs. haverford. vinny pulled it out of bounds against haverford, and since they had a set play they wanted to run off of the pull, they called a "repull." so, vinny pulled it out of bounds again. so, they called repull again. this happened upwards of 8 times, until vinny eventually won.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: who sex with the earthworms all the time? murphy's mom!!! ha ha !!!! haha ha!!!!!

Name:Dan Schwartz
Nickname: Chileno, Kobe, Daniel de la Noche
Personal Website: http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/~dschwar1/
Favorite Website: www.insults.net
Favorite Tournament: WUFF 2000 Collegiates at UNCW
Most Depressing Ultimate Story: At Easterns this fall -- A Georgia man puts a floatie huck up to space, Murphy skies his man and gets a piece of the disc... making it float even more. My man jumps for it, I sky him and get a piece of it, it floats more. My man gets an enormous bid in the endzone about 20 yards away for the score.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke:Murphy's mom is like a race car driver... she burns a lot of rubbers, or maybe: Murphy's mom is like a Toyota, "Ooooh what a feeling!"

Name: Evan Gregory
Nickname: E, E-Dog, The E-Dog
Personal Website: http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/~egregory
Favorite Website: http://osd.ojnk.net/cgi-bin/rgp.cgi
Favorite Tournament: WUFF Collegiates
Funniest Ultimate Story: How we demoralized U Georgia and sealed our eventual victory by giving them the chicken brain.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke:
A: "I love eating cheese."
B: "I'd rather boink Murphy's mom."
A: "Naw dude, eating cheese is much better than doing Murphy's mom."
C: "Actually, they're remarkably similar."

Paper Plate Award(s): 1st Swat Callahan Score, The Generic Funniest Person We've Ever Met Award

Name: Benson Wilder
Nickname: Asshole
Favorite Tournaments: Clambake, Wildwood, Nationals
Paper Plate Awards: Gratuitous Alumnus; The Benson Wilder Gratuitous Alumnus Award; Most Favored Male; The LOVE Award; Best Cheers (with Noam Unger; etc...
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: "Hey Mrs. Murphy, check out this website: http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/org/earthworms/rosters/. I think you'll like it."
Funniest Ultimate Story: The night Swarthmore Ultimate took over the dunking machine intended for the spring carnival. Ever dunk someone by hitting the target with a disc?
Most Rewarding Ultimate Moment: College Regionals 2001: Watching the Earthworms make it to Nationals.

Name: Eric Johnson
Nickname: EJ
Favorite web site: www.seanbaby.com
Favorite ultimate story: That time Neo offered Ted Goundie a beer during practice was funny. Or the time Patty spiced the police. Or maybe when Collin had sex with Kaya. Good times.
Favorite murphy's mom joke: One practice, the Mrs. Murphy jokes were flying particularly readily, and Murph looked distraught and was kind of quiet. Nate decided to cheer him up with this assurance "It's ok Murphy, we didn't really have sex with your mom."
Paper Plate Award(s): The Joel Price Attendance Award, Count the Mints

Name: Jeremy Slezak
Nickname: Badger
Personal Website: http://www.badgeringwomen.com
Favorite Website:http://www.ukansukit.com
Favorite Tournament: Yale Cup...Lindsay's house, sun, heat, snow, cold, rain...it's got everything
Funniest Ultimate Story:(personal) At Yale Cup last year, someone threw a swing pass that sailed over my head, as I tried to drag my feet inbounds while grabbing it, I layed out...right into some girl's crotch. As I was getting up, I looked at her and gave her a smile with a simple, "Hi, nice to meet you." She giggled whenever I looked at her the rest of the game.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: A variation on Wollen's statement on spring break this year..."Hey Murphy, I screwed your mom so far last night that stuff was pouring out of her nose and ears."
Paper Plate Award(s): The Flying Badger Award (don't ask), the Teenage Mutant Ninja Badger Award (after laying out onto a sewer cover), the Slezak Curve (not frisbee related), the Frisbee Magnet Award, Silly Badger, Baseball's for Tools, and At least I drove 10 hours not to win the Most Favored Male Award.

Name: Jeremy Stober
Nickname: J-Dawg, Stobes
Favorite Website:http://www.opendiary.com
Favorite Tournament: The first one where I get to play. ; (
Funniest Ultimate Story:Like totally that time when we ran some more stairs. That was so cool.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: Here's a new one I'm going to try out. So one time the ultimate team (sans Murphy) needed some hot loving action so we all went to a bordello. It was called Murphy's Mom's Palace. I specifically requested the proprietor (Murphy's Mom). I'm a new guy. I've got to try it. When I was finished everyone asked me what it was like and I replied, "Ever pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?" Booya.

Name: Al Bui
Nickname: Fetta Chini
Favorite Website: http://www.economist.com
Favorite Tournament: Penn State
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: Hey murphy, I *&cked your mom last night
Paper Plate Award(s): Sparkly Plate, Early Bird, Blair Bui, Don't Stand So Close Bui

Name: Tim Applebee
Nickname: The Favorite Neighbor
Favorite Website: www.nakednews.com
Favorite Tournament: Lights vs. darks vs. reds on mertz
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke:

what confucious say?
avoid murphy's mom, lest you
stink of all mankind

Paper Plate Award(s):haiku master

Name: Michael Wollenberg
Nickname: wollen
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Blue
Age: 22
Marital Status: Single
Favorite Color: Dark Blue
Favorite Roche Strategy: Scissors, Scissors, Paper
Favorite Cheer: Roll up your pants….
Preferred Utensil: Spoon
Accepted Personal Savior: Bob
Favorite Ben & Jerry's Flavor: Mint Chocolate Cookie
Preferred Beverage: Long Trail Double Bag
Most Interesting Appendage: Left Pinkie Finger
Favorite Carmen Sandiego-esque description of myself:

[Name: Stephen 'Hands' Matthews]

Occupation: Formerly a laboratory technician skilled in causing exquisite pain to small marsupials and rodents while single-handedly polluting the entire Delaware River, Hands is currently posing as a student in a small liberal-arts establishment west of Philadelphia.

Miscellaneous: Matthews made a fortune selling furry, reflective headbands (made from the processed hulks of his unfortunate laboratory 'pets') to Scandinavian basketball teams to allow them to play outdoor games for the first time during the winter months. A card-carrying member of the Church of the Sub-Genius and a frequent quilter, Hands is said to have a penchant for both Yahtzee and Lite-Brite. Never without a baked good, Matthews also reportedly has a soft spot for 'all you can eat' buffets. A super athlete, Hands plays killer croquet for money or pudding pops or both. One of his prize possessions is a five-carat pinky ring emblazoned with the lyrics to Neil Diamond's 'And the Grass Won't Pay No Mind' which he won from 'Phen-Phen' Hamilton in a marathon match that lasted three days and a fortnight. Matthews loathes footwear, enjoys long walks in the park, and desires an honest friendship with possible LTR. Rarely seen in public, he rides around in a VW Golf with his trusted man-servant, a 6'8" sherpa, as his only companion. He is said to have flowing blond locks and icy, cerulean eyes.

Favorite Website:http://lemming.uvm.edu/~dtepper/crazyhikers/
Favorite Tournament: Spring Phling
Funniest Ultimate Story:

Schwartz: See, we can't finish. That's why we suck at ultimate. In ultimate you have to be able to finish.

Wollen: uh?

Schwartz: Yeah, it's just like sex; you need to be able to finish.

Wollen: uh?
Schwartz: If you don't have a finishing move in sex, you're a bad lover. Our team sucks at ultimate because we can't finish and we're bad lovers.
Favorite Murphy's Mom Joke: Q: Why did Mrs. Murphy cross the street? A: To get to the other side.
Paper Plate Award(s): Haiku Award, Generic Anagram Award, Most Favored Male Award, Kurt Vonnegut 'Breakfast of Champions' Writing Award, Blister in the Sun Award.
Raffi or Trout Fishing in America: Raffi
Axl Rose or Bon Jovi: Axl
'Welcome to the Jungle' or 'Baby Beluga': Too close to call

webmaster: Alex Kieft