This is a packet of questions written by Jess and Peter for Josh's last practice on 1 May 2000. All of the questions were (at least tangentially) related to Josh, and we won 320-275. The first bonus has been censored, until all a future date.
The Josh Packet By Jessica Harbour and Peter Austin TOSSUPS 1. It was first played at midnight, 7 December 1997, on the fifth floor of Parrish, and to our knowledge has not been played since. That's a good thing, considering how error-ridden it was and how a lot of people wouldn't get the jokes anyway. Hell, even the person it was written for lost. FTP, name this infamous birthday present co-written by Josh. The _FRED PACKET_ 2. The scouting report on this player for the 1999 NFL draft observed that he [didn't] appear to be a real ... intelligent player. As Josh's friend, who likes dumb guys, can tell you, that's an understatement. While playing linebacker for his Big 10 school, this man set the standard for dumb athletes everywhere by nearly failing classes in sex ed and golf. FTP, name this player for the New England Patriots, who "graduated" from Ohio State. Andy _KATZENMOYER_ 3. It shares its name with Cal, who owns a Sacramento-area Chevrolet dealership, as well as Al, a baseball pticher who had a 1.38 ERA in 1964, and a glacier near Valdez, AK. A city of the same name, located near the Iowa border, is the county seat of Minnesota's Nobles County, and is located near Lakes Okabena and Ocheyeda. FTP, name this city, a suburb of Columbus, and Josh's home town. _WORTHINGTON_, Ohio 4. No packet would be complete without a question that elicited groans of disgust from Josh. Anyway, the tossup: He attended Williams College, and studied with the avant-garde composer Milton Babbitt. Before entering into the more well-known profession he wrote scripts for the TV series "Topper." Some of his lesser-known works include _Getting Away With Murder_, _Pacific Overtures_, and _Passion_. FTP, name this man whose middle name is Josh, best known for his work on _Sweeney Todd_, _A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum_, and _West Side Story_. Stephen Joshua _SONDHEIM_ 5. He's gone until about 9 o'clock today, which was when this question was written, so the question writer had to rely on his door, which was blank except for his name and his hometown, Spencer, Massachusetts. His middle name is Newton, his girlfriend in Melissa Kobelin, and he's and honors English major with an Economics minor. FTP, name this man, the last man to room with Josh. _SAM_ Prouty 6. Addis Ababa, Dakar, Cairo, Khartoum, Casablanca, Johannesburg, Harare, Nairobi, Mogadishu, Kampala, Bujumbura, and Algiers are all cities on, FTP, what continent, the only one so far to be immortalized in a Toto song? _AFRICA_ 7. "Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." "When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do." "We're going to hold onto him by the nose, and we're gonna kick 'em in the ass!" These and other pearls of wisdom appear is George C. Scott's opening speech in, FTP, what 1970 movie? _PATTON_ 8. The one in Nebraska was once a gateway for gold mining in the Black Hills. The one in Mississippi was state capital when Jackson fell to Union troops during the Civil War. The one in Indiana is a showcase of modern architecture. The most important one was founded across the river from Franklinton, and was the site of the founding of the American Federation of Labor, as well as being home to Greek revival statehouse. FTP, give the shared name of these cities, one home to Ohio State University, and the central city of Josh's metropolitan area. _COLUMBUS_ 9. If all the girls at this school were laid out end to end, we wouldn't be surprised. This school, Pennsylvania's leading exporter of slimy ho-bags, was founded in 1885, and has a number of prominent ho-bag alumnae, including slut Katharin Hepburn and skanky poet Marianne Moore. FTP, name this school, which only thinks it has a College Bowl team. _BRYN MAWR_ College 10. Its name means "one who hopes." Sometimes called "the aggressor language," adding the letter j to a word makes it plural, as in "personoj." "Bad career move" translates into "malo carrero" in this language, which has had many works of literature translated into it, but only one movie. FTP, name this language of the incredible Williams Shatner vehicle "Incubus," developed by Zamenhof. _ESPERANTO_ 11. His last appearance was somewhat disappointing -- it was just sighting rather boring sea creatures and feeding his parrot. Previous appearances were more interesting, however, as he has led his crew in a sing-along with "Old King Ramses Built a Tomb." FTP, name this creation of Josh to spite a member of the Penn team. _SAMER THE PIRATE_ 12. Their innocent facade masks a mass conspiracy to enslave small children and brainwash the buyers of their cookies. Their nefarious schemes were exposed to the Phoenix by one lone brave crusader named Jill Ratzan. FTP, name this dreaded organization, whose Samoas are coming for you next. _GIRL SCOUTS_ of America 13. Originally from Massachusetts, this Swattie was supposed to enter with the Class of 1999, but waited a year just so he could get to know Josh better. In his time at Swat, he has pissed out his window, made racist comments to his hallmates, run for Student Council, told two Spanish-speaking students that we speak English in this country, and led the football team to a grand total of one victory in four years. FTP, name this beloved classmate of Josh. Ford _O'CONNELL_ 14. The only plane not made in the USA or USSR is the Focke-Wulf 190. Featuring the plane also featured in the closing sequence of Saving Private Ryan, is also gives you a choice of six planes -- two from World War II, two from Korea, and two from the Vietnam era. FTP, name the computer game that Josh has mastered taking down six F-4's in a P-51 Mustang. _CHUCK YEAGER'S AIR COMBAT_ 15. Bridget Fonda, Rose McGowan, Lucy Lawless, Shannon Elizabeth, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Melissa Joan Hart, Pamela Anderson Lee, Kristy Swanson, and Lodi Lyn O'Keefe have all appeared on the cover of, FTP, what men's magazine that once counted Josh as a subscriber? _MAXIM_ 16. He didn't use cigars, and he didn't wear a thong, but FAQTP, what did Josh do last summer? worked as a _WHITE HOUSE INTERN_ 17. The ingredients of this breath spray are listed as SD Alcohol 38B, isobutane, glycerine, flavor, water, sodium, and saccharin. Each bottle contains approximately 140 squirts, and usually retails for about two dollars. FTP, name this breath freshener that has frequently served as Josh's andro. _BINACA_ 18. I was one of the names of the poet Ovid, the emperor Gallienus, the emperor Valerian, and General Varus, who lost the battle of Teutoberg Forest. Its most famous appearance began in October 1787 and continued for ten months. FTP, give the name attached to both the Federalist Papers and the tournament that Ed and Josh are trying to run this summer. _PUBLIUS_ 19. FAQTP, is Josh a number? _HE IS NOT A NUMBER, HE IS A FREE MAN_ (or "I am..." if given by Josh) 20. He's been played by Nicholas Stuart and Karl Marden, and his autobiography was called A Soldier's Story. He gives his name to the M2 Infantry Fighting Vehicle, and he's buried in Arlington National Cemetery. He's most famous, however, for commanding the First Army and the Twelfth Army Group in the invasion of Normandy. FTP, name this man upon whose grave Josh has trod. Omar _BRADLEY_ 21. The pilot has to be busted out from a Veterans hospital, and the leader is always "on the jazz." They drive a GMC van, and usually used Ruger AC556's. They were a crack commando unit sent to prison for crimes they didn't commit, and if you have a problem, and no one can help, and if you can find them, well you get the idea. FTP, name this group, which includes Faceman and B.A. The _A-TEAM_ 22. It quotes from Kant, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Plato, Aristotle, and Thomas More, amongst others. It divides political systems into frontier, democractic police state, or fundamentalist, and economic systems into simple, free market, planned, or green. It considers seven distinct ideologies as personified by seven factions colonizing a planet in the title system, among them the Lord's Believers and Gaia's Stepdaughters. FTP, name this computer game. Sid Meier's _ALPHA CENTAURI_ [Note: This had nothing to do with Josh, but served as a vehicle for presenting Josh with a gift of Alpha Centauri and some Digimon stuff.] BONI 1. Omitted. 2. Answer the following questions, FTPE, about Doctor Who. a) How many incarnations has the Doctor had? _8_ if you count the Fox movie, _7_ if you don't b) In what "Simpsons" episode did both Tom Baker, the fourth Doctor, and Lucy Lawless appear? The _10TH HALLOWEEN SPECIAL_ (accept variations) c) Name the Kaled scientist who helped create the Daleks and whom the Daleks later dug up with the help of Commander Lytton. _DAVROS_ 3. Josh plays a lot of Civilization II. Let's see how closely he's been paying attention, FTPE. a) First, give the color of the English, Carthaginian, and Greek civilizations. _ORANGE_ b) Second, give the name of the wonder that eliminates maintenance on all improvements costing one gold piece per turn. _ADAM SMITH'S TRADING COMPANY_ c) Finally, give the advance that allows the phalanx and the Colossus. _BRONZE WORKING_ 4. Identify the following about Josh's eating habits, FTPE. a) Name Josh's usual lunch at Tarble. _FINGERS AND FRIES_ (accept equivalents) b) At Boston during the NAQT ICT this year, Josh shared a pizza with pepperoni and sausage. Give the name for this type of pizza, as distinguished from pizza with stuff like spinach and olives. _MANLY ARYAN_ pizza c) Josh sometimes makes a cameo appearance at Sharples, and when he does, he frequently eats what Wednesday staple of the menu? _PASTA_ Bar 5. FTPE, answer the following questions about contributions Josh has made to the Swarthmore College Bowl lexicon. a) It was a bus driver pulling into New York's Port Authority who gave Josh the inspiration for this nickname of the highest scoring player at a tournament. _BAGGAGE MAN_ b) Fred was the most frequent recipient of this epithet, given to a player who makes a particularly egregious neg at a particularly critical time. _CHUCKER_ c) This multipurpose adjective, generally positive in tone, is also the last name of a recent Oscar winner. _SWANK_ 6. In honor of Josh's Sailor Moon tape, FTPE, given a description of Josh's state of mind, name the Sailor Scout he most closely resembles. a) Josh is suddenly afflicted with a badly dubbed English accent and an urge to take bubble baths. Sailor _MERCURY_ b) Josh is impatient with everyone else, disgusted by the incompetence, stupidity, and selfishness all around him. _THAT'S JUST JOSH_ (accept equivalents) c) Josh is impatient with everyone else, disgusted by the incompetence, stupidity, and selfishness all around him, plus he can throw fireballs. Sailor _MARS_ 7. In the past months, Josh has metamorphosed into a trash god, as evidenced at NAQT ICT. Give the following trash buzzes of Josh, FTPE. a) In the round against Washington University, Josh buzzed in correctly on this holiday song. The _HANUKKAH SONG_ (by Adam Sandler) b) Josh showed off his TV prowess by getting a tossup on this failed show, loosely based on the Book of Job. _GOD, THE DEVIL, AND BOB_ c) Josh's first buzz of NAQT Nationals was a power tossup on this group, members of which wrote the musical "Chess." _ABBA_ 8. It couldn't be a Josh packet without a question about Jess, if only 'cause her ego won't allow it. FTPE, answer the following questions about Jess. a) Jess's great moment of chucker infamy came at NAQT Nationals '99, when she threw a temper tantrum over the pronunciation of the name of a Chinese general. What Minnesota school did Swarthmore lose that match to? _CARLETON_ b) Jess used to be a co-host of the WSRN game show Botticelli. Within 10, how many pizzas does Botticelli owe Josh? _TOO MANY TO COUNT_ (accept equivalents) c) When Josh was Napoleon, Jess was Josephine. When Josh was Lusting After Mimi, Jess was Mimi. When Josh came to visit Jess at Fred's apartment, she knocked him senseless. True or false: these two have a healthy relationship. (Any answer is OK.) 9. Josh enjoys both Clint Eastwood movies and bad pop music. In that spirit, we offer the Clint Eastwood/Bad Pop Music Chain Bonus. The move comes first. FTPE, and F5PE if you need to know who did the song. a) 10 - If Shirley McLaine feels like leaving, she knows she can go, but Eastwood, accomopanying her across the Mexican desert, wants her to stay until tomorrow. 5 - Hall & Oates _TWO MULES FOR SISTER SARA SMILE_ ("Two Mules for Sister Sara" plus "Sara Smile") b) 10 - What would Clint do, if his heart was torn in two? Why, he'd make a sequel to a well-known spaghetti Western, and Lee Van Cleef and Klaus Kinski would join him. 5 - Extreme _FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE THAN WORDS_ ("For a Few Dollars More" plus "More Than Words") c) 10 - Clint and Richard Burton rub some wooden nickels, look a gift horse in the mouth, and free an American officer from a German castle while parodying Devo. 5 - Weird Al Yankovic _WHERE EAGLES DARE TO BE STUPID_ 10. Josh has never done well in intramurlas, no matter how hard he's tried. Answer the following about his attempts, FTPE. a) Give the name of Josh's team laster year, featuring such players as Tom Stepleton and David Knouf. The _OUTRAGED SHRINERS_ or _MIXED 1_ b) This year, Josh had some interesting teammates. Give the team of the high scorer on Josh's team. _UMBRELLA_ c) Josh was the high scorer his freshman year though. This was the only year in a certain player's career that he was not the top intramurals scorer. FTP, name him. _ED_ Cohn 11. FTPE, name these Swarthmore professors whom, as far as we know, Josh has not slept with yet. a) This philosophy professor is a Bryn Mawr alumna, so in theory Josh should be able to have his way with her; but seeing as how she's married to another philosophy professor, he has chosen to hold back his massive seductive powers. Grace _LEDBETTER_ b) Although this chair of the political science department did have some fascinating conversations with Josh about porn and Antonin Scalia, it did not flare into mutual passion. Carol _NACKENOFF_ c) This chair of the history department shares Josh's interest in Lucy Lawless, and really, let's hope that's all he's interested in regarding Josh, because that's just an icky picture. Robert _WEINBERG_ 12. Josh's birthday is September 12th. Identify the following other famous people born on that day besides his former roommate. a) Working for the English Muscovy Company, he explored that Norwegian and Barents Seas touching Greenland, Svalbard, and Novaya Zemlya, before making two voyages to North America. Henry _HUDSON_ b) Educated at Ohio State University, he was snubbed by Adolf Hitler in 1936 because of his race, and went on to found a public relations firm. Jesse _OWENS_ c) The most important piece of scholarship of this journalist and essayist was "The American Language." He founded the "American Mercury" in 1924, and was noted for attacking the American middle class, which he called the booboisie. H.L. _MENCKEN_ 13. Josh isn't known for negging, but his teammates are. Identify the following about painful negs Josh has been forced to witness. a) A scorekeeping error on this man's part almost cost Swarthmore the undergraduate championship in 1998 when he buzzed in with a clock-killing neg when Swat was only five points up. _FRED_ Bush b) Swarthmore was kept out of second place in the 1999 NAQT Sectionals when Ed buzzed in on a question on this special proescutor. Leon _JAWORSKI_ c) Though the game was already lost, Ben jolds to record for the stupidest neg when he answered with this Greek god who had already been mentioned on a question on Thetis. _HEPHAESTUS_ 14. FTPE, given the Digimon, name the next Digimon it will Digivolve into. a) Tanemon. _PALMON_ b) Palmon. _TOGEMON_ c) Togemon. _LILYMON_ d) Now, if you've drawn a blank so far, you can still get 15 points by identifying the character this evolving Digimon belongs to. _MIMI_ 15. Josh *really* likes Clint Eastwood movies, and Jess got a little carried away, so we now have another conjunction bonus! You know the drill... a) 10 - A woman calls Clint and repeatedly requests a one-hit-wonder feel-good rap single. Then she turns psycho, but in a non-threatening way that will appeal to a crossover market. 5 - De La Soul _PLAY MISTY FOR ME, MYSELF, AND I_ ("Play Misty for Me" plus "Me, Myself, and I") b) 10 - There's a killer on the run, and Clint is the lonely drifter, calling himself "Preacher," who will find him. 5 - The Doors _PALE RIDERS ON THE STORM_ ("Pale Rider" plus "Riders on the Storm") c) 10 - Clinto helps a rich-bitch heiress join his Western traveling show, but she tells him, "You better run for your life." 5 - Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods _BRONCO BILLY DON'T BE A HERO_ 16. Penn Bowl is always an interesting tournament and Josh has always had interesting experiences there. Answer the following about Josh at Penn Bowl. a) At Penn Bowl 7, Swarthmore was kept out of the playoffs when what school, now home to the man who flipped Arcadia off, came back from 125-5 to win? _JOHNS HOPKINS_ University b) At his year's Penn Bowl, Peter and Rebecca took the early SEPTA for naught, when the Penn Bowl staff failed to accomplish what crucial component of running a tournament? _UNLOCK_ing the _DOORS_ (accept equivalents) c) This year before, Josh and Jess had shared what type of beverage during rounds at Penn Bowl? _BEER_ 17. Identify these random people and things that we felt needed to be included, FTPE. a) Name the roommate from Josh's freshman year who graduated a year early and moved into the world of finance. _ETHAN_ Devine b) He's the patron saint of accounting. FTP, name this apostle. Saint _MATTHEW_ c) This movie begins with the title character locked in his own piano about to be hit by a train. _LISZTOMANIA_ 18. Is your knowledge of opera as good as Josh's? Given a description of the opera by Jess, who knows nothing about opera, name the opera, FTPE. a) There are these people who are supposed to be in France, only the composer was Italian, and the really good production Jess saw was Australian. Oh, and Josh's great love dies at the end. _LA BOHEME_ (Josh's great love = Mimi) b) It's set somewhere in Fantasy Arabia, where all the Arabians lust after Western women, thus making it a prime example of sexual colonization. Not to mention that the Austrian composer had never even been to Arabia. Sheesh. Oh, and it's also really dull. The _ABDUCTION FROM THE SERAGLIO_ or Die _ENTFUEHRUNG AUS DEM SERAIL_ c) Halle Berry didn't do a very good job when she played Dorothy Dandridge making the movie version of this opera. But Brent Spiner rocked. There should definitely be more Brent Spiner on TV. _CARMEN_ 19. Josh is great, but he's not famous enough to warrant an entry in Encarta. Name the Joshes that do, FTPE. a) This famous English portraitist is best known for his portrait of Sarah Siddons as the tragic muse. He also painted "Heads of Angels" and "Age of Innocence." Sir Joshua _REYNOLDS_ b) Inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1972, the Negro League catcher hit 75 home runs in 1931 for the Homestead Greys, who had called him out of the stands the previous year when their catcher had been injured. Josh _GIBSON_ c) U2 used this Joshua as the title of their album featuring "Where the Streets Have No Name," "With or Without You," and "Bullet the Blue Sky." _JOSHUA TREE_ d) Okay, if you didn't like that one, you can name the co-Vice President of Zimbabwe whose name is Josh. Joshua _NKOMO_ 20. FAQTPE, name the three things, according to Jim Croce, that you're not supposed to do, as well as not messing around with Slim and/or Jim. _TUG ON SUPERMAN'S CAPE_, _SPIT INTO THE WIND_, and _PULL A MASK OFF THE OLD LONE RANGER_ 21. Answer these questions about Josh's favorite Antarctic explorer, FTPE. a) First, name this man, most famous for his long open boat voyage of whom it was said, "When all else fails and all hope is lost, get down on your knees and pray for [him]." Sir Ernest _SHACKLETON_ b) Now name his ship that did not live up to its name, by getting crushed by pack ice. Shackleton and his crew however, did the name justice. _ENDURANCE_ c) Finally, name the island that Shackleton landed on after his famous open-boat voyage, and where he died of a heart attack in 1922. _SOUTH GEORGIA_ Island 22. Since Josh is moving into an apartment in Alexandria, answer the following questions about the more important Alexandrie, 5-10-15. a) 5 - Alexandria was the capital of the Hellenistic kingdom founded by what general of Alexander the Great? _PTOLEMY_ I b) 10 - F5PE, give the two wonders of the world (as determined by Civilization II) that were located in Alexandria: one was toppled by an earthquake, the other destroyed by overzealous Christians. The _LIGHTHOUSE_ and the Great _LIBRARY_ c) 15 - Name the sainted founder of the Alexandrian school of theology, who shares his name with the pope that suppressed the Jesuits. Saint _CLEMENT_