Swarthmore College Bowl's Josh Packet

This is a packet of questions written by Jess and Peter for Josh's last practice on 1 May 2000. All of the questions were (at least tangentially) related to Josh, and we won 320-275. The first bonus has been censored, until all a future date.

The Josh Packet
By Jessica Harbour and Peter Austin


1. It was first played at midnight, 7 December 1997, on the fifth floor of
Parrish, and to our knowledge has not been played since. That's a good
thing, considering how error-ridden it was and how a lot of people
wouldn't get the jokes anyway. Hell, even the person it was written for
lost. FTP, name this infamous birthday present co-written by Josh.


2. The scouting report on this player for the 1999 NFL draft observed that
he [didn't] appear to be a real ... intelligent player. As Josh's friend,
who likes dumb guys, can tell you, that's an understatement. While playing
linebacker for his Big 10 school, this man set the standard for dumb
athletes everywhere by nearly failing classes in sex ed and golf. FTP,
name this player for the New England Patriots, who "graduated" from Ohio


3. It shares its name with Cal, who owns a Sacramento-area Chevrolet
dealership, as well as Al, a baseball pticher who had a 1.38 ERA in 1964,
and a glacier near Valdez, AK. A city of the same name, located near the
Iowa border, is the county seat of Minnesota's Nobles County, and is
located near Lakes Okabena and Ocheyeda. FTP, name this city, a suburb of
Columbus, and Josh's home town.


4. No packet would be complete without a question that elicited groans of
disgust from Josh. Anyway, the tossup: He attended Williams College, and
studied with the avant-garde composer Milton Babbitt. Before entering into
the more well-known profession he wrote scripts for the TV series
"Topper." Some of his lesser-known works include _Getting Away With
Murder_, _Pacific Overtures_, and _Passion_. FTP, name this man whose
middle name is Josh, best known for his work on _Sweeney Todd_, _A Funny
Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum_, and _West Side Story_.

Stephen Joshua _SONDHEIM_

5. He's gone until about 9 o'clock today, which was when this question was
written, so the question writer had to rely on his door, which was blank
except for his name and his hometown, Spencer, Massachusetts. His middle
name is Newton, his girlfriend in Melissa Kobelin, and he's and honors
English major with an Economics minor. FTP, name this man, the last man to
room with Josh.

_SAM_ Prouty

6. Addis Ababa, Dakar, Cairo, Khartoum, Casablanca, Johannesburg, Harare,
Nairobi, Mogadishu, Kampala, Bujumbura, and Algiers are all cities on,
FTP, what continent, the only one so far to be immortalized in a Toto


7. "Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for
his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his
country." "When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before
was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do." "We're going to hold
onto him by the nose, and we're gonna kick 'em in the ass!" These and 
other pearls of wisdom appear is George C. Scott's opening speech in, FTP,
what 1970 movie?


8. The one in Nebraska was once a gateway for gold mining in the Black
Hills. The one in Mississippi was state capital when Jackson fell to Union
troops during the Civil War. The one in Indiana is a showcase of modern
architecture. The most important one was founded across the river from
Franklinton, and was the site of the founding of the American Federation
of Labor, as well as being home to Greek revival statehouse. FTP, give the
shared name of these cities, one home to Ohio State University, and the
central city of Josh's metropolitan area.


9. If all the girls at this school were laid out end to end, we wouldn't
be surprised. This school, Pennsylvania's leading exporter of slimy
ho-bags, was founded in 1885, and has a number of prominent ho-bag
alumnae, including slut Katharin Hepburn and skanky poet Marianne
Moore. FTP, name this school, which only thinks it has a College Bowl

_BRYN MAWR_ College

10. Its name means "one who hopes." Sometimes called "the aggressor
language," adding the letter j to a word makes it plural, as in
"personoj." "Bad career move" translates into "malo carrero" in this
language, which has had many works of literature translated into it, but
only one movie. FTP, name this language of the incredible Williams Shatner
vehicle "Incubus," developed by Zamenhof.


11. His last appearance was somewhat disappointing -- it was just sighting
rather boring sea creatures and feeding his parrot. Previous appearances
were more interesting, however, as he has led his crew in a sing-along
with "Old King Ramses Built a Tomb." FTP, name this creation of Josh to
spite a member of the Penn team.


12. Their innocent facade masks a mass conspiracy to enslave small
children and brainwash the buyers of their cookies. Their nefarious
schemes were exposed to the Phoenix by one lone brave crusader
named Jill Ratzan. FTP, name this dreaded organization, whose Samoas are
coming for you next.

_GIRL SCOUTS_ of America

13. Originally from Massachusetts, this Swattie was supposed to enter with
the Class of 1999, but waited a year just so he could get to know Josh
better. In his time at Swat, he has pissed out his window, made racist
comments to his hallmates, run for Student Council, told two
Spanish-speaking students that we speak English in this country, and led
the football team to a grand total of one victory in four years. FTP, name
this beloved classmate of Josh.


14. The only plane not made in the USA or USSR is the Focke-Wulf
190. Featuring the plane also featured in the closing sequence of
Saving Private Ryan, is also gives you a choice of six planes --
two from World War II, two from Korea, and two from the Vietnam era. FTP,
name the computer game that Josh has mastered taking down six F-4's in a
P-51 Mustang.


15. Bridget Fonda, Rose McGowan, Lucy Lawless, Shannon Elizabeth, Jennifer
Love Hewitt, Melissa Joan Hart, Pamela Anderson Lee, Kristy Swanson, and
Lodi Lyn O'Keefe have all appeared on the cover of, FTP, what men's
magazine that once counted Josh as a subscriber?


16. He didn't use cigars, and he didn't wear a thong, but FAQTP, what did
Josh do last summer?

worked as a _WHITE HOUSE INTERN_

17. The ingredients of this breath spray are listed as SD Alcohol 38B,
isobutane, glycerine, flavor, water, sodium, and saccharin. Each bottle
contains approximately 140 squirts, and usually retails for about two
dollars. FTP, name this breath freshener that has frequently served as
Josh's andro.


18. I was one of the names of the poet Ovid, the emperor Gallienus, the
emperor Valerian, and General Varus, who lost the battle of Teutoberg
Forest. Its most famous appearance began in October 1787 and continued for
ten months. FTP, give the name attached to both the Federalist
Papers and the tournament that Ed and Josh are trying to run this


19. FAQTP, is Josh a number?

_HE IS NOT A NUMBER, HE IS A FREE MAN_ (or "I am..." if given by Josh)

20. He's been played by Nicholas Stuart and Karl Marden, and his
autobiography was called A Soldier's Story. He gives his name to
the M2 Infantry Fighting Vehicle, and he's buried in Arlington National
Cemetery. He's most famous, however, for commanding the First Army and the
Twelfth Army Group in the invasion of Normandy. FTP, name this man upon
whose grave Josh has trod.


21. The pilot has to be busted out from a Veterans hospital, and the
leader is always "on the jazz." They drive a GMC van, and usually used
Ruger AC556's. They were a crack commando unit sent to prison for crimes
they didn't commit, and if you have a problem, and no one can help, and if
you can find them, well you get the idea. FTP, name this group, which
includes Faceman and B.A.

The _A-TEAM_

22. It quotes from Kant, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Plato, Aristotle, and
Thomas More, amongst others. It divides political systems into frontier,
democractic police state, or fundamentalist, and economic systems into
simple, free market, planned, or green. It considers seven distinct
ideologies as personified by seven factions colonizing a planet in the
title system, among them the Lord's Believers and Gaia's
Stepdaughters. FTP, name this computer game.

Sid Meier's _ALPHA CENTAURI_ [Note: This had nothing to do with Josh, but
served as a vehicle for presenting Josh with a gift of Alpha Centauri and
some Digimon stuff.]


1. Omitted.

2. Answer the following questions, FTPE, about Doctor Who.

a) How many incarnations has the Doctor had?

_8_ if you count the Fox movie, _7_ if you don't

b) In what "Simpsons" episode did both Tom Baker, the fourth Doctor, and
Lucy Lawless appear?

The _10TH HALLOWEEN SPECIAL_ (accept variations)

c) Name the Kaled scientist who helped create the Daleks and whom the
Daleks later dug up with the help of Commander Lytton.


3. Josh plays a lot of Civilization II. Let's see how closely he's been
paying attention, FTPE.

a) First, give the color of the English, Carthaginian, and Greek


b) Second, give the name of the wonder that eliminates maintenance on all
improvements costing one gold piece per turn.


c) Finally, give the advance that allows the phalanx and the Colossus.


4. Identify the following about Josh's eating habits, FTPE.

a) Name Josh's usual lunch at Tarble.

_FINGERS AND FRIES_ (accept equivalents)

b) At Boston during the NAQT ICT this year, Josh shared a pizza with
pepperoni and sausage. Give the name for this type of pizza, as
distinguished from pizza with stuff like spinach and olives.


c) Josh sometimes makes a cameo appearance at Sharples, and when he does,
he frequently eats what Wednesday staple of the menu?


5. FTPE, answer the following questions about contributions Josh has made
to the Swarthmore College Bowl lexicon.

a) It was a bus driver pulling into New York's Port Authority who gave
Josh the inspiration for this nickname of the highest scoring player at a


b) Fred was the most frequent recipient of this epithet, given to a player
who makes a particularly egregious neg at a particularly critical time.


c) This multipurpose adjective, generally positive in tone, is also the
last name of a recent Oscar winner.


6. In honor of Josh's Sailor Moon tape, FTPE, given a description of
Josh's state of mind, name the Sailor Scout he most closely resembles.

a) Josh is suddenly afflicted with a badly dubbed English accent and an
urge to take bubble baths.

Sailor _MERCURY_

b) Josh is impatient with everyone else, disgusted by the incompetence,
stupidity, and selfishness all around him.

_THAT'S JUST JOSH_ (accept equivalents)

c) Josh is impatient with everyone else, disgusted by the incompetence,   
stupidity, and selfishness all around him, plus he can throw fireballs.

Sailor _MARS_

7. In the past months, Josh has metamorphosed into a trash god, as
evidenced at NAQT ICT. Give the following trash buzzes of Josh, FTPE.

a) In the round against Washington University, Josh buzzed in correctly on
this holiday song.

The _HANUKKAH SONG_ (by Adam Sandler)

b) Josh showed off his TV prowess by getting a tossup on this failed show,
loosely based on the Book of Job.


c) Josh's first buzz of NAQT Nationals was a power tossup on this group,
members of which wrote the musical "Chess."


8. It couldn't be a Josh packet without a question about Jess, if only
'cause her ego won't allow it. FTPE, answer the following questions about

a) Jess's great moment of chucker infamy came at NAQT Nationals '99, when
she threw a temper tantrum over the pronunciation of the name of a Chinese
general. What Minnesota school did Swarthmore lose that match to?


b) Jess used to be a co-host of the WSRN game show Botticelli. Within 10,
how many pizzas does Botticelli owe Josh?

_TOO MANY TO COUNT_ (accept equivalents)

c) When Josh was Napoleon, Jess was Josephine. When Josh was Lusting After
Mimi, Jess was Mimi. When Josh came to visit Jess at Fred's apartment, she
knocked him senseless. True or false: these two have a healthy

(Any answer is OK.)

9. Josh enjoys both Clint Eastwood movies and bad pop music. In that
spirit, we offer the Clint Eastwood/Bad Pop Music Chain Bonus. The move
comes first. FTPE, and F5PE if you need to know who did the song.

a) 10 - If Shirley McLaine feels like leaving, she knows she can go, but
Eastwood, accomopanying her across the Mexican desert, wants her to stay
until tomorrow.
    5 - Hall & Oates

_TWO MULES FOR SISTER SARA SMILE_ ("Two Mules for Sister Sara" plus "Sara

b) 10 - What would Clint do, if his heart was torn in two? Why, he'd make
a sequel to a well-known spaghetti Western, and Lee Van Cleef and Klaus
Kinski would join him.
    5 - Extreme

_FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE THAN WORDS_ ("For a Few Dollars More" plus "More
Than Words")

c) 10 - Clint and Richard Burton rub some wooden nickels, look a gift
horse in the mouth, and free an American officer from a German castle
while parodying Devo.
    5 - Weird Al Yankovic


10. Josh has never done well in intramurlas, no matter how hard he's
tried. Answer the following about his attempts, FTPE.

a) Give the name of Josh's team laster year, featuring such players as Tom
Stepleton and David Knouf.


b) This year, Josh had some interesting teammates. Give the team of the
high scorer on Josh's team.


c) Josh was the high scorer his freshman year though. This was the only
year in a certain player's career that he was not the top intramurals
scorer. FTP, name him.

_ED_ Cohn

11. FTPE, name these Swarthmore professors whom, as far as we know, Josh
has not slept with yet.

a) This philosophy professor is a Bryn Mawr alumna, so in theory Josh
should be able to have his way with her; but seeing as how she's married
to another philosophy professor, he has chosen to hold back his massive
seductive powers.


b) Although this chair of the political science department did have some
fascinating conversations with Josh about porn and Antonin Scalia, it did
not flare into mutual passion.


c) This chair of the history department shares Josh's interest in Lucy
Lawless, and really, let's hope that's all he's interested in regarding
Josh, because that's just an icky picture.


12. Josh's birthday is September 12th. Identify the following other famous
people born on that day besides his former roommate.

a) Working for the English Muscovy Company, he explored that Norwegian and
Barents Seas touching Greenland, Svalbard, and Novaya Zemlya, before
making two voyages to North America.

Henry _HUDSON_

b) Educated at Ohio State University, he was snubbed by Adolf Hitler in
1936 because of his race, and went on to found a public relations firm.

Jesse _OWENS_

c) The most important piece of scholarship of this journalist and essayist
was "The American Language." He founded the "American Mercury" in 1924,
and was noted for attacking the American middle class, which he called the


13. Josh isn't known for negging, but his teammates are. Identify the
following about painful negs Josh has been forced to witness.

a) A scorekeeping error on this man's part almost cost Swarthmore the
undergraduate championship in 1998 when he buzzed in with a clock-killing
neg when Swat was only five points up.

_FRED_ Bush

b) Swarthmore was kept out of second place in the 1999 NAQT Sectionals
when Ed buzzed in on a question on this special proescutor.


c) Though the game was already lost, Ben jolds to record for the stupidest
neg when he answered with this Greek god who had already been mentioned on
a question on Thetis.


14. FTPE, given the Digimon, name the next Digimon it will Digivolve into.

a) Tanemon.


b) Palmon.


c) Togemon.


d) Now, if you've drawn a blank so far, you can still get 15 points by
identifying the character this evolving Digimon belongs to.


15. Josh *really* likes Clint Eastwood movies, and Jess got a little
carried away, so we now have another conjunction bonus! You know the

a) 10 - A woman calls Clint and repeatedly requests a one-hit-wonder
feel-good rap single. Then she turns psycho, but in a non-threatening way
that will appeal to a crossover market.
    5 - De La Soul

_PLAY MISTY FOR ME, MYSELF, AND I_ ("Play Misty for Me" plus "Me, Myself,
and I")

b) 10 - There's a killer on the run, and Clint is the lonely drifter,
calling himself "Preacher," who will find him.
    5 - The Doors

_PALE RIDERS ON THE STORM_ ("Pale Rider" plus "Riders on the Storm")

c) 10 - Clinto helps a rich-bitch heiress join his Western traveling show,
but she tells him, "You better run for your life."
    5 - Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods


16. Penn Bowl is always an interesting tournament and Josh has always had
interesting experiences there. Answer the following about Josh at Penn

a) At Penn Bowl 7, Swarthmore was kept out of the playoffs when what
school, now home to the man who flipped Arcadia off, came back from 125-5
to win?

_JOHNS HOPKINS_ University

b) At his year's Penn Bowl, Peter and Rebecca took the early SEPTA for
naught, when the Penn Bowl staff failed to accomplish what crucial
component of running a tournament?

_UNLOCK_ing the _DOORS_ (accept equivalents)

c) This year before, Josh and Jess had shared what type of beverage during
rounds at Penn Bowl?


17. Identify these random people and things that we felt needed to be
included, FTPE.

a) Name the roommate from Josh's freshman year who graduated a year early
and moved into the world of finance.

_ETHAN_ Devine

b) He's the patron saint of accounting. FTP, name this apostle.


c) This movie begins with the title character locked in his own piano
about to be hit by a train.


18. Is your knowledge of opera as good as Josh's? Given a description of
the opera by Jess, who knows nothing about opera, name the opera, FTPE.

a) There are these people who are supposed to be in France, only the
composer was Italian, and the really good production Jess saw was
Australian. Oh, and Josh's great love dies at the end.

_LA BOHEME_ (Josh's great love = Mimi)

b) It's set somewhere in Fantasy Arabia, where all the Arabians lust after
Western women, thus making it a prime example of sexual colonization. Not
to mention that the Austrian composer had never even been to
Arabia. Sheesh. Oh, and it's also really dull.


c) Halle Berry didn't do a very good job when she played Dorothy Dandridge
making the movie version of this opera. But Brent Spiner rocked. There
should definitely be more Brent Spiner on TV.


19. Josh is great, but he's not famous enough to warrant an entry in
Encarta. Name the Joshes that do, FTPE.

a) This famous English portraitist is best known for his portrait of Sarah
Siddons as the tragic muse. He also painted "Heads of Angels" and "Age of

Sir Joshua _REYNOLDS_

b) Inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1972, the Negro League catcher hit 75
home runs in 1931 for the Homestead Greys, who had called him out of the
stands the previous year when their catcher had been injured.


c) U2 used this Joshua as the title of their album featuring "Where the
Streets Have No Name," "With or Without You," and "Bullet the Blue Sky."


d) Okay, if you didn't like that one, you can name the co-Vice President
of Zimbabwe whose name is Josh.

Joshua _NKOMO_

20. FAQTPE, name the three things, according to Jim Croce, that you're not
supposed to do, as well as not messing around with Slim and/or Jim.


21. Answer these questions about Josh's favorite Antarctic explorer, FTPE.

a) First, name this man, most famous for his long open boat voyage of whom
it was said, "When all else fails and all hope is lost, get down on your
knees and pray for [him]."


b) Now name his ship that did not live up to its name, by getting crushed
by pack ice. Shackleton and his crew however, did the name justice.


c) Finally, name the island that Shackleton landed on after his famous
open-boat voyage, and where he died of a heart attack in 1922.


22. Since Josh is moving into an apartment in Alexandria, answer the
following questions about the more important Alexandrie, 5-10-15.

a) 5 - Alexandria was the capital of the Hellenistic kingdom founded by
what general of Alexander the Great?


b) 10 - F5PE, give the two wonders of the world (as determined by
Civilization II) that were located in Alexandria: one was toppled by an
earthquake, the other destroyed by overzealous Christians.

The _LIGHTHOUSE_ and the Great _LIBRARY_

c) 15 - Name the sainted founder of the Alexandrian school of theology,
who shares his name with the pope that suppressed the Jesuits.


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