Swarthmore College Bowl's Fred Packet

This is a packet of questions written by Jess, Josh, and Ed for Fred's surprise birthday party on 7 December 1997. All of the questions were (at least tangentially) related to Fred, but he nevertheless managed to lose the match played on them to a team of seven party-goers by a score of 285-245. Unfortunately, some questions contain minor factual error, a few others violate the rules of good question-writing, and many were clearly written in a hurry, but the packet still gives you the chance to test you knowledge of one of Swarthmore's (formerly) most active players.

The Fred Packet
By Ed, Jess, and Josh


1. "The Night," "The World of Tevill." "Freds: everything you ever wanted
to know but were afraid to ask." "Dreams." "Personal Information." And, of
course, "Links." FTP, these are all sections of what unfinished work
designed by Fred?

His _WEB PAGE_ (If anyone says "Distant Places" (its actual name), accept
the answer, but give that player a long, cold stare.)

2. Sure Fred went to Catholic school, but we all know that th's not
_really_ his religion. He not only belongs to another church -- he's even
been ordained. FTP, name the web-based church that counts Fred among its


3. Wide right! Wide right! Continue to chant it and strike pain into
Fred's heart! FTP, name the Buffalo Bills kicker who missed what would
have been the game-winning field goal against the New York Giants in the
1991 Super Bowl.


4. Fred certainly isn't a Republican. He isn't the most loyal Democrat
either. FAQTP, for what third-party candidate did Fred cast his first
presidential vote?

Ralph _NADER_

5. Two answers required. They are both originally from the Boston area,
though one's family has since relocated to California. One is a
mathematics major; one is an engineering major. Neither is single. FTP,
name these two men, the only people Fred has lived with during his time at


6. For this man, basketball is a family vocation: his father is head coach
at New York's Genesee Community College, and his brother is an assistant
coach of the Miami Heat. He was a graduate assistant to Rick Pitino when
Providence made the Final Four, and has been an assistant coach at
Providence and Rutgers. FTP, name this former coach of McQuaid Jesuit High
School, Fred's alma mater, and current head coach of the New York Knicks.


7. Frank Gifford and Ricardo Montalban discuss dental care; John Denver
asks us to plant trees; and the Scientologists pitch Narc-anon. FTP, these
are PSA's played on what college radio station of which Fred is a board


8. In 1994, it was a piece of orange construction fence. In 1995 and 1996,
it didn't exist, and in 1997 it was a Seventies fashion statement modeled
after an eponymous cartoon character. FTP, what noted yearly statement of
Fred's have we just described?


9. Fred wants to be a veterinarian because he loves children. He can't
spell Ferrari, but he drives a Porsche. Don't you wish you were him?
FAQTP, why?

_CAUSE HE'S A BLOND_ (Before last word, accept "CAUSE I'M A BLONDE," the
name of the song.)

10. He made several television appearances in 1997, and currently resides
in Los Angeles. He once said he'd pay Fred and Joe money if he could watch
them sleep together. FTP, name this man, former Swarthmore College Bowl
president, now a graduate student in mathematics at UCLA.


11. He shares his first name with Mr. Bush, and -- also like Fred -- he's
an ordained minister. Instead of wearing a Swarthmore sweatshirt, however,
he's more frequently seen in a zip-up sweater. FTP, name this PBS
television personality.

Mr. (Fred) _ROGERS_

12. Two answer required. FAQTP, name both of Fred's advisors, the chairs
of their respective departments in Psychology and English.


13. The novelist Oscar Hijuelos, the recently deceased Jorge Mas Canosa,
and the revolutionary Jose Marti. FTP, these people all have, like Fred, a
connection to which island nation currently under the thumb of Fidel


14. Cramps, flatulence, bloating, loose stools, "fecal urgency," anal
leakage, and a slight aftertaste are among its more common side-effects,
and without supplemental vitamins, carotenoid deficiences and a failure to
absorb vitamins A, D, E, and K are also somewhat likely. The benefits: it
slightly lowers blood cholesterol, doesn't lead to the absorption of
calories or fat into the body, and tastes just like fat. FTP, name this
fat substitute, approved by the FDA and much discussed by Fred.


15. FAQTP, within 30 miles, how far is it to Boston?

_326_ (Accept 296-356; accept "a little over 200 miles" or equivalent if
given convincingly by Fred.)

16. The last episode of "Absolutely Fabulous" featured two minor
characters trying to infiltrate this group to get a movie deal with John
Travolta, or at the very least Kirstie Alley. FTP, name this group,
Germany's least favorite and Fred's most favorite offshoot
multimillion-dollar quasi-religion, founded by L. Ron Hubbard.


17. "Food, Glorious Food." "What's a Cooper?" "Nuclear Prospects and the
Fission Blues." "Computer Lab to Come with Spring." "Old Pros Lead
Debators in SCSC Fray." "Morgan Tenure Decision -- Review of Aftermath."
"Blackburn Heads Sub Search." "Honors Review: Faculty Speaks." And "Swine
Flu Comes to Swarthmore (In Little Vials)." FTP, all of these are
headlines in what Swarthmore newspaper's issue the week of Fred's birth?


18. In the 1840's, this city won world-wide fame from a series of seances
led by Margaret and Kate Foxborough; in the 1850's and 1860's, it was a
terminus of the Underground Railroad, the city where Frederick Douglass
published "The North Star," and the home of Susan B. Anthony. Located on
Lake Ontario, it is also the site of the headquarters of both Kodak and
Xerox. FTP, name this New York city, which counts Fred among its 230,000


19. FAQTP, what is Fred's middle name?


20. No, he isn't related to Fred, and even if he were, he almost certainly
wouldn't remember Fred's birthday. After all, on 7 September 1988, he
admonished a group of veterans for forgetting that it was Pearl Harbor Day
in a speech lamenting America's declining patriotism. FTP, name this
former President of the United States.

_GEORGE Herbert Walker _BUSH_


1. Mr. Bush may be the Swarthmore Fred you know best, but he certainly
isn't the only on. Answer the following questions for the stated number of

a) One of them likes James Joyce, John Cage, and Kenzaburo Oe, and is
known for the quotation "I may be a Quaker, but I'm still a fascist." The
other was famed on his freshman-year hall for going to bed each night at
9:30. The two were room-mates, and are now the only other Freds in the
Swarthmore student body. F5PE, name them.

Fred _VEITH_ and Fred _GERSON_

b) There are also two professors named Fred. One of them teaches economics
part-time when he isn't advising the Ukrainian government or giving his
students F+'s, and the other can be found in Hicks. FTPE, name them.

Frederick _PRYOR_, Frederick L. _ORTHLIEB_

2. Fred, as we all know, loves to read science fiction when he should be
doing work; a couple years ago, he even ranked his favorite books. Place
the following books in order of how much Fred likes them, from least to
greatest, F5PE, and five for all correct. "Phases of Gravity," by Dan
Simmons; "Startide Rising," by David Brin; "Foundation's Edge," by Isaac
Asimov; "Ringworld Engineers," by Larry Niven; "The Hitchhiker's Guide to
the Galaxy," by Douglas Adams.

"Foundation's Edge" (6), "Ringworld Engineers" (7), "Phases of Gravity"
(8), "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (9), "Startide Rising" (10)
(Editor's not: No, I'm not making this up. I got it from his web page.)

3. Every Sunday night at 9:00, Fred hosts the radio show Botticelli on
WSRN. Answer the following questions about the artist Sandro Botticelli

a) Botticelli was a student of this Florentine monk and painter.

Fra Lippo _LIPPI_

b) The "Primavera" and "The Birth of Venus," his masterpieces, are now
housed in this Florence art gallery.


c) "The Punishment of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram" was Botticelli's
contribution to the walls of this chapel.

_SISTINE_ Chapel

4. "Minus 5." These words are very familiar to anyone who's played college
bowl with Fred. Answer the following questions FTPE.

a) Most people don't know the name of the current governor of Michigan.
Even fewer people associate him with Karl Marx. Just this week, however,
Fred gave what answer to a question involving the literary partner of 


b) For ten points, what member of the British royal family did Fred refer
to as "Big Boss Man" on the MSNBC-TV game show "Remember This?"

Prince _PHILIP_

c) When Fred heard a question beginning "Hitler referred to it as the
largest impenetrable POW camp in Europe," he buzzed in with what answer?


5. Answer the following questions about conspiracy theories FTSNOP.

a) Pat Robertson claims that this secret society wants to rule the world.

_ILLUMINATI_ (Accept Jews, Liberals, Freemasons, Normal People, etc....)

b) This former press secretary to JFK claims that TWA Flight 800n was shot
down by friendly fire.


c) According to its web page, it "was formed in 1973 by private citizens
of Japan, Europe, and North America to foster closer cooperation among
these principal democratic industrialized areas with shared leadership
responsibilities in the wider international system." Conspiracy buffs
claim that it wants to conquer the world.


6. Given lyrics from a "They Might Be Giants" song, name the song FTPE, or
F5P if you need the album the song comes from.

a) 10 - "Ads up in the subway are the work of someone / Trying to please
their boss."
    5 - "They Might Be Giants"


b) 10 - "We could fly like birds in the air / We could walk but we'd never
get there."
    5 - "John Henry"


c) 10 - "Would you mind if we balance / this glass of milk / where your
visiting friend / accidentally was killed?"
    5 - "Flood"


7. Answer the following about other well-known Freds FTSNOP.

a)  5 - Name the senator from Tennessee leading an inquiry into
congressional fundraising.


b) 10 - He had three sons and invented Flubber.

Fred _MacMURRAY_

c) 15 - He may be Chico, but he doesn't know what his son did last summer.

Freddie _PRINZE_ Sr.

8. Fred has recently been reading the works of Will and Ariel Durant.
Given a work, F5PE say whether it was written by Will, Ariel, both, or

a) "The Story of Philosophy" - _WILL_

b) "The Age of Napoleon" - _BOTH_

c) "The Revelation of St. John" - _NEITHER_

d) "Rousseau and Revolution" - _BOTH_

e) "Caesar and Christ" - _WILL_

f) Boswell's "Life of Johnson" - _NEITHER_

9. As everyone knows, Fred loves terrible movies. FTPE, given a summary of
the plotline, name the awful, awful movie.

a) "Unspeakable horrors from outer space paralyze the living and resurrect
the dead!" in this 1958 film familiar to anyone who's seen Ed Wood.


b) The plot of this 1964 movie, which stars John Call as the title
character, Bill McCutcheon as Dropo, and Pia Zadora as Girmar, features
the following memorable exchange:
BETTY: What are those funny things sticking out of your head?
RIGNA: Those are our antennae.
BETTY: Are you a television set?


c) "God made him simple. Science made him a god. Now, he wants revenge."
FTP, name this 1996 sequel starring Patrick Bergin, Matt Frewer, and
Austin O'Brien.

"_LAWNMOWER MAN 2_: Beyond Cyberspace"

Answer the following questions about Fred's girlfriend FTSNOP.

a) Jess is from Atlanta. For five points, name her congressman, or, FTP,
name either of her two senators.

Rep. Newt _GINGRICH_, or Sen. Max _CLELAND_ or Paul _COVERDELL_

b) Jess will be spending next semester in Grenoble, France. FTP, in what
year did Grenoble host the Winter Olympics?


c) Jess was really happy on 16 November, because this man got out of
prison and came to the United States. FTP, name this man, the most famous
of China's leading democracy activists.

_WEI_ Jingsheng

11. FTPE, answer the following questions about Fred's
ex-SWIL-co-president, Joe Robins.

a) First, on what night is Joe's weekly shuttle shift?


b) Second, ten points all or nothing, name the other two co-presidents of
SWIL along with Joe this year.

Melissa _BINDE_ and Erik _ROSOLOWSKY_ (Accept ABORT AND IGNORE.)

c) Joe throws a napkin at Kyla at an initial velocity of 2 ft/sec. Kyla is
5.5 ft away. What velocity will the napkin be traveling at when it hits
her? Assume no loss due to friction or gravity.

_2 ft/sec_ (If Joe says he never throws napkins at Kyla, deduct ten points
for outright lying.)

12. No Fred packet could be complete without a question on patron saints.
Identify the following saints FTPE.

a) When the members of the college bowl team decide that they need to stop
Fred from negging, they pray to this saint of lost causes.


b) When Fred wakes up in the morning and can't find his shoes, he prays to
this saint of lost property.


c) Fred's mom isn't a saint, but the Emperor Constantine's was! Name her.


13. It's time to honor Fred's favorite Canadia comedy group "The Kids in
the Hall." FTPE, given a description of a recurring character, name the
character, F5P if you need the name of the actor who played that
particular character.

a) 10 - She once worked on a phone-sex line and later went in search of
the home in which she was born.
    5 - Mark McKinney


b) 10 - He coached a women's softball league team and hit a game-winning
homer for them. He would up in jail for murdering a drag queen, but was
released by a lenient judge.
    5 - Scott Thompson


c) 10 - He once had a confrontation with Satan. He also had an epiphany
when his girlfriend dumped him, and told a pigeon, "You may be free like
her, but you're not ... Laura."
    5 - Bruce McCulloch


d) Okay, if you've scored no points so far, you can make up 15 points by
naming the Kids' disaster of a movie, released last year.


14. Fred can usually kick butt at Monopoly, so let's see if he can kick
butt on a Monopoly bonus. Answer the following questions FTSNOP.

a)  5 - If you land on Income Tax on you first move, should you choose to
pay 10% or $200?

_10 PERCENT_ (You save $50.)

b) 10 - How much money do you collect for winning 2nd prize in a beauty


c) 15 - All or nothing, give any two of the three times in which you can
roll doubles and not get to roll again.


15. When I say FB, you think Fred Bush. But FTPE, name these other famous
men with the initials F.B.

a) He's a Republican sleaze artist who produced the famous 1988 Willie
Horton ad.


b) This American chaired the four-man panel of judges at the Nuremberg War
Crimes Trial.


c) This Elizabethan philosopher wrote "Novum Organum" and "The Advancement
of Learning."


16. FTPE, given a description of Fred acting weird, diagnose him.

a) Fred alternates between a catatonic state and periods of manic
antisocial behavior. He sometimes claims the government has planted a
microship in his brain.


b) Fred is locked in his room and tortured at random times. When the door
is unlocked, he does not leave the room even though the torture will stop
as soon as he does.


c) Fred keeps an erratic sleep schedule, misses classes, rants about
conspiracies and Scientologists, survives on ramen and Oreos for days on
end, and plays games with little green men.

_THAT'S JUST FRED_ or equivalent

17. Fred loves mass murder. FTSNOP, given a description, name the mass

a)  5 - His recipe for Kool-Aid proved unpopular after the first 900 or so
people sampled it.


b) 10 - He recently declared himself a born-again Christian, and wishes to
apologize for randomly shooting New Yorkers in the late 1970's.


c) 15 - Upon the conquest of Jerusalem in 1099, he and his co-Crusaders
ordered all Jews sealed up in the Temple and had it burned.


18. Fred is pretty great, but he's not the greatest. FTPE, answer these
questions about the real Frederick the Grea.

a) What German kingdom did Frederick rule?


b) What was his ordinal number among the Prussian Kings Frederick?


c) To what famous Prussian family did he belong?


19. We decided to write a bonus on all the stupid things we talked about
while writing this packet. Answer the following questions F15PE.

a) We were going to write a question on Fred's initials, but the only
person we could find who shared all of them was this congressman from
Florida, a Blue Dog Democrat.

F. Allan _BOYD_

b) Ed named his computer, which makes funny noises under Jess's touch,
after this man, a prominent member of FDR's Brain Trust who attended Swat
on a football scholarship.


20. The authors of this packet have determined that Fred owes certain
people quite a bit. F15PE, to whom does Fred owe the following things?

a) 4 pizzas.


b) His ass.


Maintained by Adrian Packel. For more information, contact Chris White.